Headlines from the Salem Intruder

DrBakerFan

DrBakerFan

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Worried that under Jenny's leadership, the Spectator will sink to sleazy depths and provide competition, the editors of the Intruder have demanded their own thread on this board. This weeks issue;

Jonas Killer Eric Brady Located: Where You Can Send Him Hate Mail!

Crime Pays: All Charges Against Hope Brady Dropped: The Inside Story on This Miscarriage of Justice!

Sami Brady Names the Top Ten Tramps in Salem History: You Won't Believe Who Is Number 1!

Heartbroken Nicole Loses Baby Holly: How Her Inept Lawyer Blew the Case!

Meat Locker Love: What Really Went on Between Gabi and Chad?!

Heartbroken Deimos Pleads: "Nicole Come Back to Me." Why She Really Dumped Him!

How Can Judge Fitzpatrick Afford a Red Lamborghini?: The Intruder Digs Deep for the Answers!

Meet Wacky Drew Donovan: The Creator (and Destroyer) of the Ominous Orwell Project.
 
It's time for Salemites to get their weekly dose of the Intruder, the paper that tells it like it really is in Salem (unlike Jenny's Spectator).

Liver Transplants: Is It Safe to Have Yours Done at University Hospital?!

Heartbroken Deimos Pleads: "Please Nicole, Forgive Me, I Made a Mistake!"

Baby-Thief Chloe Lane, the Cruelest Woman in Salem: Just What Is Wrong with Her?!

A History of Babynappings in Salem: Who Will Be Next?! Is Your Child Safe?!

The Abigail Angel Smashed!: The Intruder Digs Deep for the Inside Story! You Won't Believe Who Did It!

Are You Truly Radiant?: Sami Brady Tells You How to Get That Way in Only Thirty Days!

Turmoil at Titan!: Is Sonny Gunning for His Uncle Deimos?!

Daniel Jonas Worship: Has It Turned Into a Cult? The Shocking Truth Revealed!
 
As Jenny spends all her time trying to pry Eric out of his farmhouse, the Intruder is on the job, bringing the latest hot news to Salem citizens.

Who Should Really Get Custody of Baby Holly?: Cast Your Vote Today in the Intruder Poll!

Nicole Walker on the Run: Her Top Ten Possible Destinations!

Reclusive Eric Brady Plagued by Unwanted Visitors: Will He Now Hide in the Salem Tunnels with Batboy and Elvis?

Do Salemites Dress Property for Winter?: The Experts Weigh In! Could You Be at Risk for Frostbite!

Is Anyone Home at the Spectator?: Insiders Report that Jennifer and Adrienne Never Show up for Work!

Salem's Tedious Teens: Reports Claim That This Generation is the Most Boring Ever!

Reign of Terror at the Salem P.D.: Commissioner Raines Forces Lazy Cops to Actually Work!
 
As Jenny continues to focus on rescuing the Salem Sourpuss from himself and making idle threats against Chad, the intrepid Intruder staff continues to inform Salemites about the important stories of the week.

OMG, Eric Brady to Return to Salem: You Won't Believe What Outraged Salemites Are Saying!

Nicole Walker Still on the Run with Baby Holly: Who Is Helping Her?!

YouTube Flop Claire Brady: Why Nobody Is Watching Her Online!

Hope Brady Chained to a Desk: How Commissioner Raines is Reining in Salem's Convict Cop!

Screechy Diva Chloe Again Sounds off on the Baby Holly Issue: Salemites Say, "Oh, Shut Up!"

Snarling Deimos Chases Intruder Reporter from K-Mansion Door: His Jaw-Dropping Threats!

Belly-Dancing Lessons: How They Can Keep You Slim. The Amazing Results You Can Expect!
 
As Jenny continues to neglect her editorial duties, the Intruder continues to bring Salemites the unvarnished truth.

Wife Catches Chad DiMera with His Pants Around His Ankles: The Shocking Details!

Where is Nicole Walker Hiding?: The Intruder Follows the Trail of Banana Bread Crumbs!

Baby Thief Chloe Lane Seen KIssing Man in Town Square: You Won't Believe Who She Smooched!

Want to Stay Warm in Winter Without Wearing Heavy Clothes?: Salem Insiders Tell You How!

Salemites Howl as Commissioner Raines Forces Cops to Enforce Vehicle Rules: Is Your Car the Next One to Get a Parking Ticket!

Whatever Happened to Philip Kiriakis?: Scorned Kiriakis Heir Drops off the Radar! Is He Plotting Revenge Against Deimos?!

Eric Brady Shaves: You Won't Believe What the Infamous Drunk Driver Looks Like Now!
 
While Jenny fiddles as the Spectator continues to burn, the brave Intruder reporters are out and about digging up the dirt (and making a little up).

Chad's Impossible Dilemma: You Won't Believe the Choice He Had to Make!

The North Face Ends Marketing Efforts in Salem: Exec Says: "These People Just Won't Wear Winter Clothing!"

Babynapper Nicole Walker Still on the Run: Could She Be Living Next to You?!

Lucas Horton Wins Husband Sweepstakes: Did the Blushing Bride Make the Right Choice?!

Blast from the Past: Ava Vitali's Ten Most Shocking Crimes!

Salem's Overheated College Girls: Is Your Son Being Stalked by One!

Hope Brady in Raines's Doghouse: Says She Spends More Time Taking Bubble Baths than Doing Police Work!
 
As Jenny continues to serve up bland pablum to the public, the Intruder digs deep for the answers.

Why Is Salem Already Awash in Spring Flowers?: The Answer Will Amaze You!

Renewing Wedding Vows: Is It Right for You?! The Experts Weigh In!

Thinking of Relocating?: Is Canada Right for You?!

EJ DiMera Is Alive: You Won't Believe Where He's Been Seen Now!

A Look Back: How Shawn Brady Sr. Salem's Most Beloved Citizen (Until Daniel Jonas) Was Murdered by Evil Ava!

Salem Helpless as Horton Cabin Raccoons Invade: How to Protect Your Pool and Garbage!

Illegal Police Bugging: Could Your Home Be at Risk?! Will Raines End This Pernicious Practice?!
 
DrBakerFan said:
A Look Back: How Shawn Brady Sr. Salem's Most Beloved Citizen (Until Daniel Jonas) Was Murdered by Evil Ava!
Click to expand...
Reply from Sami Brady DiMera, et al: You stoopid doodyheads! While I loved my grandpa and all, Salem's most beloved citizen was my sweet smoochy-moochy. What is wrong with you people?? I'm going to sue you! PS: John Black ruined my life. PPS: By the way, I'm still Truly Radiant.
 
Just Samantha said:
Reply from Sami Brady DiMera, et al: You stoopid doodyheads!
Click to expand...
Annoyed by messages like this from Sami, the Intruder editors have decided to really get her goat with a special all-Sami issue, which they think will be more popular than stories about Deimos, Eduardo, the Hollynapping, etc.

Pottymouth Sami Brady Attacks the Intruder: The Shocking Things She's Said!

Sad Roman Brady's Heartbreak: No Woman Will Have Him Because He's Sami's Father!

Sami Killed EJ: How Her Cruel Revenge Drove Him to Deadly Drug Deal!

John Black Speaks Out: "Sami Brady Ruined My Life! That's a Fact!"

A Mother's Love: Kate Roberts's Brave Battle to Save Her Son from Sami!

Surrounded by Flames: How Sami Plotted to Burn EJ Alive! The Sizzling Details!

Nick Fallon's Night of Terror: Cast Into the Icy Salem River by Heartless Sami!
 
All week, brave Intruder reporters have been digging in the dark corners of Salem in an effort to bring the unvarnished truth to its readers.

Abigail Dumps Chad: Her Ridiculous Reasons That Have Salemites Shaking Their Heads!

John Black Is Back: Where He's Been and Will He Stay?! All Your Questions Answered!

Stolen Childhoods: The Tragedy of SORASing! Could Your Child Be at Risk?!

Drunk Punk Busted: The Amazing Details of Roman Brady's Historic Pub Arrest!

Cruel Chloe Speaks Out: "Baby Holly Is Still Mine!" Salemites Say No, No, No!

Sex Tape Priest's New Career: You Won't Believe What He's Doing Now! How You Can Avoid Him!

Sick of Salem?: Julie Williams's Top Ten Bargain Cruises for 2017! Exciting Itineraries for a Pittance!

Ultimate Hospital Horror: Salem Hottie Reports, "Daniel Jonas Drooled on Me!"
 
Beep-beep-beep. Hot off the presses: Chloe Lane is pregnant again. This time with Maggie's eggs. She could not resist giving Maggie another child, Daniel a brother and Parker and Holly an uncle. At least we think that will be how the family tree forms.
 
As the Spectator fades into the woodwork under Jenny's indifferent leadership, the Intruder is keeping Salemites informed.

Salem Money Tree Robbed -- Picked Clean in Broad Daylight! Is Dario Hernandez to Blame?!

Deimos Wails: "I Want My Nicole Back!" The Latest Shockers from the Krazy K-Mansion!

Where in the World Is Sami Brady?: Intruder Poll Shows That Salemites Couldn't Care Less!

Sonny Kiriakis Threatens to Quit Basic Black: Wants to Open Big Boy Hamburger Franchise!

The Mysterious John Black: Where Did He Go -- Where Has He Gone? The Intruder Digs Deep for Answers!

DiMera Jaw-Dropper: Abigail Prefers Working for Peanuts at Police Headquarters to Luxury with Chad!

Sad Allie Horton: Kept from Her Devoted Father by Cruel Sami! The Intruder Demands Justice!
 
DrBakerFan said:
Sonny Kiriakis Threatens to Quit Basic Black: Wants to Open Big Boy Hamburger Franchise!
Click to expand...
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Big_Boy.jpg
 
After reading this board, the story-starved editors of the Intruder have come up with new ideas.

Madman Deimos: How Victor Kiriakis Created a Monster!

Cradle Robbers: Hot Salem Grannies Date Hunks! Their Secrets That You Can Use!

So You Murdered Your Son's Mother?: Ten Great Ways to Win Him Back!

The Jonas Cult: Crazed Devotees of the Late Hyper-Sexed Physician Plague Salem!

Want to Be an Instant Doctor?: Five Things That You Should Know About Salem University Medical School's Quickie Program!

The Wit and Wisdom of Roman Brady: The Best Times to Visit the Pub to Hear His Discourses!
 
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