Facebook posts and Tweets from Salemites, Part 24

Facebook post from the Salem Landmarks Commission: The Landmarks Commission is pleased to announce that the grave of the sainted Dr. Daniel Jonas has been named an official municipal landmark. Although the scruffy, orange-tinted super-surgeon has been gone for less than a year, his grave has already become a place of pilgrimage for his friends and family, lovelorn women, hospital gown fetishists, users of tanning lotion, doctors preparing for a serious surgical procedures, and medical students who are facing a tough exam. The Commission has now invited our nation's leading architectural firms to submit designs for a new, more impressive grave marker for Dr. Jonas's grave -- something along the lines of Abraham Lincoln's Tomb in Springfield. Salemites who wish to donate to this most noble cause may do so at the websites of the Commission and the Dr. Daniel Jonas Adoration Society.

lincolns-tomb-oak-ridge-cemetary.jpg

The Lincoln Tomb: Dr. Jonas deserves better than this
say members of the Dr. Daniel Jonas Adoration Society.
 
Reply from Sami: Are you kidding me with this?? My darling, changed, sweet smoochy-moochy deserves all of that and more! He was 100 times the man that Maggie's scruffy, orange-tinted horndog son ever could've been. My honey-bunny should have a monument bigger than the Taj Mahal. As the matter of fact, they should remove one of those doodyheads from Mt. Rushmore and put EJ's dashing face instead.

Reply from Roman: Dammit, Sami!
 
Reply from Maggie: Sami, dear, as dearest Daniel's loving eggmommy, I was frankly appalled by your shocking attitude toward building a proper tomb for my brilliant, wonderful, handsome son. Certainly, EJ had a few good qualities (very few), but he appeared not to properly worship his mother, never saved anyone with a miraculous operation, and, most importantly, was not some woman's supercalifragilisticexpialidocious eggbaby.

Reply from the National Park Service: Ms. Brady Roberts-Horton Hernandez DiMera, we have received your demand that the face of one of the presidents be effaced from Mt. Rushmore and be replaced by a sculpture of the "dashing face" of your allegedly deceased husband, Elvis J. DiMera. Unfortunately, we cannot abide by your absurd command, but thanks for contacting us. Your communication gave everyone here a good laugh on an otherwise dull day.
 
Facebook post from Salem's sleazy tabloid, the Intruder: Salemites, those of you who are still hung-over from the Orpheus siege should relax with this week's Intruder.

Report from Smith Island: The Horton Cabin Raccoons Dish Dirt on the Shocking Doings of Visiting Salemites!

Mayor Carver's Heart Surgery: The Intruder Takes You Right into the OR!

Orpheus Rising: The Truth About His Remarkable Resurrection!

War on the Piers: The Exciting Details of the Latest Kiriakis-DiMera Fracas!

Salem's Newest Hero, Andre DiMera, Speaks Out: He Tells the Intruder About Life, Love, and Family!

D.A. Jennings Resigns and Flees Salem!: The Stunning Truth Behind His Sudden Departure!

Deimos in Charge: Shocked Kiriakis Family Members Ask, Has Victor Lost His Mind?!

Is Abigail Deveraux Alive?: Amazing Reports of Sightings from Around the U.S.!

Prince William's Heartbreak: Kate Middleton Reportedly in Love with Salem's Own Max Brady!
 
DrBakerFan said:
Is Abigail Deveraux Alive?: Amazing Reports of Sightings from Around the U.S.!
Click to expand...
Reply from Elvis Presley: I saw her with my own eyes, thank you, thank you very much.

Reply from Michael Jackson: I saw her on the secret island all us supposedly dead people live on.

Reply from Marilyn Monroe: Me, too. But don't tell the CIA or FBI that I'm here.
 
Social media explodes when news of the Hope confession and Orpheus's revival become widespread.

Theo: Hope Brady killed my Nono! I'm so angry that I just might give her a taste of what I was going to give Clyde Weston.

Chad: I'd like to comment on this, but I'm trying to figure out what Zorro would do in my situation.

Reply from Mr. Super Salem: I'm not surprised that Hope Brady murdered Mr. DiMera. After all, she was married to the biggest police felon in Salem history, Bo Brady.

Reply from SalemCynic: Hope Brady will walk. The in-crowd can get away with anything in this town.

Reply from Anne Milbauer: Orpheus just walked out of the hospital morgue? Typical, oh so typically typical. :rotfl:

Reply from Dr. Richard Baker: Orpheus used drugs to fake his death? What a copycat. That's my trick.

Reply from Rory: First the siege and now a killer cop and a maniac returned from the dead. I need to seriously get high.
 
Reply from JJ: I am so glad I was in a coma during all this.

Reply from Sami: OMG, Aunt Hope killed my smoochy moochy's dad and kids' grandpa???? Hmm. I'm torn. On the one hand, I'm mad that Hope took my kids' grandpa and my smoochy moochy's dad away from them. But on the other hand, give that woman a medal!

Reply from Doug: That's my girl!

Reply from Sami: Who are you? And I'm not your girl!

Reply from Doug: I know. I wasn't talking to you, I was referring to Hope.

Reply from Adriana: Ay! That Hope woman! I knew there was something seriously wrong with her! She is not good for my son Rafe!
 
Facebook post from Gabi to Vicki Bush: Hey, lady, if you don't keep your hands off Chad, I'll take care of you properly.

Reply from Vicki Bush: Oh, and just how do you think you'll do that? Am I supposed to be scared?

Reply from Gabi: Do you know how my husband died? I killed him, in cold blood. Yeah, "Ewe Search" it. I did time in prison. I know how to sharpen my dessert spoon into a lethal weapon.

Reply from Vicki Bush: :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
 
Salem social media reacts when the news gets out that Jenny is the new editor of the Spectator.

Roman: Congratulations, Jennifer. I know that I can count on you to do stories about the Salem P.D. that won't make me say, "dammit."

John: Great news, Jennifer. Now I can read newspaper stories, nod my head, smile, and think, "That's a fact."

Anne Milbauer: Jenny, what are you going to call your editorials, "the rant of the day?"

Rory: Hey, Ms. Deveraux, your paper really should back the legalization of pot in Salem. This whole town seriously needs to chill out.

Andre: Jennifer, dear, I truly hope that your first editorial will demand justice for my dear father.

Sami: Hey, Jenny. I demand that the Spectator run a serious exposé on that addled life-ruiner John Black! I HATE him and if all of Salem knew the truth, they'd hate him too!
 
Facebook post from the sleazy Salem Intruder: Salemites, your boring day just got a boost. The latest issue of the Intruder is now available.

Chaos on the Piers as Kiriakis-DiMera War Heats Up: Salem P.D. Helpless (As Usual)!

Just Who Is that Mystery Woman in Black?: The Intruder Investigates!

Salem Threatened by Dull Journalism: Just How Bad Will the Spectator Be with Jenny Deveraux in Charge?

Is Xander Cook Really Dead?: Reports of Sightings at Athens Nightclubs!

Tearful Clyde Weston Speaks Out from His Prison Cell: "Salem Ruined My LIfe and My Boy's Too!"

Killer Cop's Lawyer Predicts: "Hope Will Go Free!"

Who Is Next on Sami Brady's "I-HATE-You" Tweet List?: Could It Be You!?

Just How Easy Is It to Get into the DiMera Mansion?: Amazing Photos of Intruder Reporter and Elephant Relaxing in the Living Room!
 
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Facebook post by the sleazy tabloid, the Salem Intruder: It's just out Salemites. Our special Hope-Brady-Is-Guilty issue has all the inside details.

Why Did Justin Kiriakis Fail to Plead Not Guilty by Reason of Insanity?: His Feeble Reasons Why!

Who Will Care for Poor Ciara Brady?: The Intruder's Top Ten Candidates!

Meet Melinda Trask: How She Brought a Salem Insider to Justice!

Did Killer Hope Have Accomplices?: The Intruder Digs Deep for the Truth!

Ghost of Weeping Bo Brady Seen in Courthouse Halls: Reports by Shocked Eye-Witnesses!

Hope's Best Chance on Appeal?: Intruder Legal Expert Says, "Get a New Lawyer!"

Hope's Lover, Rafael Hernandez: Remarkable Courtroom Photos of His Grief and Rage!

No Victory Party Says Andre DiMera: He Explains Family Feelings About Father's Slayer's Sentence!
 
Facebook post from JJ to Jennifer: Mom, why do I hear someone moving around up in the attic?

Reply from Jen: JJ, you know that's just Uncle Tommy.

Reply from JJ: Oh, that's right, what was I thinking?

Reply from Jen: Yeah, it's not like your sister came back from the dead and I'm hiding her up there or anything. :rolleyes:
 
Salem's fixation on Daniel Jonas continues.

Facebook post from the University Hospital P.R. Department: Salemites, are you seeking to maintain a healthy glow, relief from aches and pains, remove scars or other unsightly blemishes, or to regrow a lost body part? If so, we can offer miracle relief. A photo of the late Dr. Daniel Jonas (suitable for framing) will cast a healthy glow over your home year round. Official Jonas t-shirts and Jonas water will perform medical miracles. Order today. Supplies are limited. Also, those of you who were avoiding University Hospital because of Jennifer Deveraux phobia can come back. She's resigned to become the editor of the Spectator.

Facebook post from the Salem Cemetery: Members of our community who are seeking spiritual solace by visiting the grave of the blessed Dr. Daniel Jonas are advised to make reservations today. Traffic at the site is extremely heavy with both the holidays and Salem U. medical exams approaching. Don't be disappointed. Reserve a visitation time today at our website.
 
:rotfl:

DrBakerFan, funny as always. I'm surprised people don't go up to Brady and ask him to
touch them since he has Daniel's heart.
 
Facebook post by Salem University Press. Great news, Salem. Just in time for the holidays, Salem University Press is making available several fine titles about the greatest man in Salem history -- Dr. Daniel Jonas. Order now. They are sure to sell out fast.

Guide to Tabletop Surgery (Second Edition with a forward by Dr. Kayla Johnson). An updated edition of the famous best-seller by Dr. Jonas.

The Wit and Wisdom of Dr. Daniel Jonas (edited by egg-mommy Maggie Kiriakis). You'll be alternatively thrilled and moved to tears by these wonderful anecdotes about Salem's super-surgeon.

Daniel Jonas's Guide to Grooming for Young Men by Philip Kiriakis. The sometimes shaggy Mr. Kiriakis passes along tips to young men who are seeking love and romance by perfecting their artificial tan and three-day beard.

The Jonas Mysteries by Roman Brady. Salem's erudite police commissioner relates thrilling tales of criminal cases in which Dr. Jonas provided invaluable assistance to our heroic local police force.

I Have Daniel's Heart by Brady Black. In this fascinating account, Mr. Black relates how his personal transformation resulting from receiving Dr. Jonas's heart helped him overcome problems caused by his overbearing grandfather, his bickering relatives, and the bizarre behavior of his now-vanished wife.
 
With Thanksgiving tomorrow, through the miracle of modern science, persons from 1600s Massachusetts tweet on the modern Salem scene.

Gov. William Bradford of Plymouth: Goodwife Jennifer Deveraux doth talkest far too much and deserveth a visit to the ducking stool.

Rev. Samuel Parris of Salem Village: Goodwife Abigail Deveraux is most assuredly possessed by Satan.

Rev. Cotton Mather of Boston: As the Bay Colony's leading minister, I knoweth that Kate Roberts Brady is most assuredly a foul witch.

Capt. Miles Standish: Yon Nicole Walker is a fine looking woman, fairer than any maide in Plymouth Plantation.

Squanto: OMG, if the Pilgrims had been anything like modern-day Salemites, I would never have taught them to plant corn. Instead, I'd have advised Chief Massasoit to attack immediately.

John Harvard: As a godly man, lover of learning, and the founder of Harvard College, I am most appalled by the feckless, sinful, lustful, and lazy students at Salem University -- especially Jade and Joey.
 
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