Facebook posts and Tweets from Salemites, Part 24

Tweet from SalemBarFly: I saw Chloe Lane and her shyster lawyer in the Pub yesterday gloating over winning the custody case. I felt like dumping a pitcher of beer over their heads.

Reply from Ms. Salemite: I've followed this case in the Intruder (Jenny Deveraux's Spectator is awful) and am outraged that poor Nicole didn't get her baby. I Ioved her when she was on Titan TV.

Reply from SalemSnoop: I lived next to Lucas Roberts when Chloe was cheating on him with that dumb doctor. The poor guy used to cry himself to sleep at night. Chloe Lane stinks!

Reply from SalemHighGuy: I knew goth girl Chloe Lane in high school. What a total weirdo. Somebody like that shouldn't get Baby Holly.

Reply from LakeShoreDrive: I live in the Chicago apartment right next to Chloe Lane. Take it from me, she's a lousy mother. She's always dumping her kid on her goofy mother.

Reply from Sami: Chloe dumps her kid on her mother? Who would ever do that? As Salem's official best mother (and good twin), I am proclaiming Chloe Salem's worst mother. I HATE her.
 
Facebook post from Andre to Julie: Ahhhh, Julie, so sorry for your loss. I remember David as a young man, when he was married to my lovely sister, Renee. Really dear boy.

Reply from Julie: How dare you???? You KILLED Renee, and my beloved David was accused. If it weren't for you, my sweet boy would've stayed in Salem.

Reply from Andre: Oh, dear. Everybody had pretty much forgotten that unpleasant part of DiMera history.

Reply from Chad: Wait, what?? YOU killed Renee?? :eek::eek:

Reply from Andre: Uhhhh, no, not exactly.

Reply from Julie: You put a poisoned knife in her back, you lowlife scum!

Reply from Andre: Oh, come now, Julie. How many people have YOU stabbed in the back??

Reply from Eduardo: LOL! Good one, man!
 
Facebook post from Maggie to Julie: Oh, Julie dear, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how devastating it is to lose a son.

Reply from Julie: Yes, Aunt Maggie, I know. But at least you have other children to help support you through your grief.

Reply from Maggie: I do???
 
Tweet from Claire: Hey fans and followers, I'm totally, like sad today. My cousin Darryl died. I didn't even know the man. He's really just a name on an ornament, but I'm so so sad. If you feel bad for me, please like my Tweet. If you want to support my music, share this Tweet, since I attached a video of me singing a sad song. [see my sad face?] By the way, doesn't my hair look fab today?? Kisses!

Reply from Ciara: :angry:
 
Reply from Theo: Good grief, I think that I need a new, nicer girl friend.

Reply from Jade: OMG, I'll have to speak to Joey about finding a new place to live. Even his parent's place is better than sharing space with that awful Claire.

Reply from Eric :sad::sad::sad:: Dear Lord, is this Claire ever awful. She's another reason for me not to come back to Salem. Gotta go. I've got to find Bible verses that will help me maintain my gloomy, guilt-obsessed mood.

Reply from Chloe: I'm so glad that I reneged on my promise to get this brat started in the music business. She'd have driven me crazy. P.S., Salem, how about some congrats for winning custody of Baby Holly.

Reply from Duck and Gabi the First: Thank goodness that this kid didn't stay on Tinda Lau. If she's stayed, by now the tourists would have stopped coming to our bar.
 
Facebook post from Eli: Hey Salem, I'm Eli Grant and I've got a little secret for all of you. Look what I have and guess where I'm going to hang this, come December??

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Heather4CU said:
they can add a throwaway line between Rafe and Marlena mentioning Sami as his ex-wife.
Click to expand...
Facebook post from Sami to Rafe: HEY! What is wrong with you?? I heard you had lunch with my mother and didn't even ask about me. Uhhhh, I'm your one true love, remember?? And don't forget, you still belong to me, just like Lucas, Brandon and Franco. (hag-sister Carrie can keep her stoopid husband, Austin) You know, Rafe, you keep this up, and you'll be on my "John Black Doodyhead List". You're kinda close now because you're canoodling with that hag granny, Aunt Hope.

Reply from Rafe: Oh gee, I might lose some sleep over this. :sarcasm:

Reply from Sami: I HATE YOU! (but you're still mine)

Reply from Lucas: Uhhh, Sami, Franco is dead. Just sayin'.

Reply from Sami: Shut up! I HATE YOU. (but you still belong to me)
 
Facebook post from Boris's Premier Bath Accessories of Salem: Are you feeling stressed out? Is your love life lagging? Do you have the Salem mid-winter blahs? A bubble bath is just what you need to put more zest in your life. Featured products this week are:
  • Eau de Salem Harbor Bubble Bath;
  • Dr. Rolf's Foaming Bubble Bath with Secret Ingredients;
  • Margaritaville Extra Boost Tropical Bubble Bath;
  • Mad World's Total Madness Bubble Bath;
  • Mr. Rory's Magic High Bubble Bath.
Supplies are limited, so order today!

Reply from Rafe: Send me a case of each. My love life has hit a new high and I want to keep it that way.

Reply from Roman: Send me a bottle of each. A man can dream, can't he?

Reply from Maggie: Send me a bottle of Total Madness. It fits the mood at my home lately with all the Kiriakis men at each other's throats.
 
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Facebook post from Salem University Press. Great news Salemites, the winter 2017 list of new titles is available. Instead of boring, unreadable academic works, we are featuring charming, heartwarming, and informative books for Salem's dear children, who, after all, are our future.

A Child's Life of Stefano DiMera by Chad DiMera. This fascinating (sanitized) biography by the son of Salem's most famous citizen chronicles his exciting life, including his idyllic childhood with his father, Santo; his smashing business successes; exciting adventures; and tender moments with his beloved family. Any parent who wants his/her child to be a success in life should get this fine book today.

The History of the Salem P.D. by Roman Brady. Our retired police commissioner has penned this exciting book, which relates the true (if whitewashed) history of Salem's beloved police force. Mr. Brady relates some of the most fascinating episodes in the Salem P.D.'s storied history including the visit by Horton the Tiger, the Fred the Elephant conspiracy, Nick Fallon's dip in the Salem River, and our city's many kidnappings. After reading this action-packed title, children will have new respect for our police force and perhaps will aspire to a career in law enforcement.

The Good Twin by Samantha Brady. Children who have problem parents and/or obnoxious siblings will simply love this heartwarming book. It relates how the author overcame her mother's poor choice in husbands, the travails caused by her jealous siblings, and being stigmatized as the family's problem child. Her story of achieving happiness and becoming her family's "good twin" is a must for any child who is plagued by "stoopid doodyheads" and "life-ruiners" (as the author terms them) and who is searching for a way forward in life.
 
Facebook post from Julie: I'm so thrilled to tell everyone that there is a new Horton. My beloved David had a secret son with Valerie. His name is Eli. Let's all give him a warm Salem welcome! Until the new one can be made, I've improvised a precious Horton ornament for him.
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Reply from Eli: Uhhh, thanks?? By the way, who is Gabi? Isn't she a "beloved Horton"??

Reply from Julie: Oh heavens, no! She killed my darling Nicky when all he wanted was her love. She's a vile harlot. So glad JJ got free of her murderous hooks. It's a rotten shame that she's the mother of a Horton child.

Reply from Eli: She had your "darling Nicky's" baby, killed him, then hooked up with another Horton?

Reply from Julie: No, of course not. She had a baby with Will, who was gay. But Cousin Abigail's crazy fiance killed him. She married my darling boy, killed him, went to prison, was released and started dating dear Jennifer's son, JJ. Then when Abigail was presumed dead, she started sparking with Abby's widower, Chad, after JJ had a one-night-stand with Abe Carver's surprise daughter, Lani. Then we found out Abby was still alive. She's reunited with Chad, but I bet that trollop, Gabi, will try to steal him from Abby.

Reply from Eli: :eek::eek:

Reply from Gabi: Love you, too, Julie. :rolleyes:
 
Facebook post from Julie to Eli: Darling, do you know Hope's boyfriend, Rafe Hernandez? He used to work for the FBI.

Reply from Eli: Didn't know him personally, but heard of him. Heard he threw away his promising career for some screechy, blond bimbo.

Reply from Lucas: That screechy, blond bimbo is the mother of my children, my ex-wife, Sami.

Reply from Eli: Oh, man. Sorry. Didn't mean to offend you or perhaps speak of things that might not be true.

Reply from Lucas: No offense taken. And you're not spreading tall tales, either. Just putting a name with the description for you.

Reply from Sami: Who are you calling a screechy, blond bimbo?? I HATE YOU!

Reply from Lucas: Welcome to Salem, Eli! Sami hates you, so you're officially one of us!
 
Facebook post from Eli to Julie: Hey, Grandma Julie, I've really enjoyed getting to know all of my new family. I think I'm going to like being in Salem. I even have a date tonight with a beautiful young woman.

Reply from Julie: Oh darling, that's wonderful! All of the Hortons are talking about how much they liked you, too. And I'm not surprised about you getting a date. You are quite the handsome catch! Who is this young lady? Do I know her?

Reply from Eli: Her name is Gabi Hernandez. Her brother dates Great Aunt Hope.

Reply from Julie:

latest


Reply from Hope: Uhhh, that's Cousin Hope, to you. Thanks.
 
Facebook post from Claire: Hey fans and followers! Tonight I'm going to "give my flower" to the love of my life! I'm so lucky to have such a loyal and devoted boyfriend. Should I stream this live??

Reply from Hope: Claire Brady! You WILL NOT have sex tonight, or any other night. I WILL NOT become a... gr...great..... I mean, er... you WILL NOT have a baby. No, no, no, no! I forbid this. I AM NOT old enough for you to have sex, no how, no way.

Reply from Claire: But Gran [cut off]

Reply from Hope: Just call me Hope, or Mrs. Brady or Ms. Williams, but DO NOT call me the "G" word!

Reply from Claire: But you ARE my Gra [cut off]

Reply from Hope: I most certainly am not!

Reply from Claire: But, but, you're my dad's moth [cut off]

Reply from Hope: Enough. We are done here. I'm going to talk to cousin Eli and ask him to have the FBI delete this post and shut down your account and all your other social media (after scrubbing any reference of me "supposedly" being your, your, well, you know what I mean).
 
Facebook post from Claire: Theo is the best boyfriend ever! I love him so much! We'll be together forever and ever and ever. We're soulmates.

Reply from Ciara: :sick: Fair warning, "little" niece, I'm going to fight you for him. Theo belongs with me. He loved me first.

Reply from Claire: Ciara Alice Brady! He's mine! You can't have him! I'll knock you out if you come near him.

Reply from Ciara: Get ready, then. Because we're gonna rumble! Theo will be with me in the end.

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Facebook post from Sami to Carrie: Awww, how cute. Another Brady girl rivalry over a guy. Remember those days??!

Reply from Carrie: Sure do! And by the way, I won!

Reply from Sami: Really? Have you looked at your dud of a husband? He was so stoopid he couldn't even tell that Horton Hag Tramp was after him.

Reply fro Carrie: That's OK, because in the end, she nailed YOUR man in the shower and in the Horton cabin. Funniest family news ever!

Reply from Sami: Shut up! I HATE you!
 
Reply from Jenny: Sami, you stinker, how dare you call my dear, almost-perfect daughter the "Horton Hag Tramp!" Rant, rant, rant ...!

Reply from Sami: Put a sock in it, Jenny. I was being nice. Your daughter is a former attic-dwelling nut-case, who tried to burn a man alive, deserted her family, and who's now getting too cozy with a slimeball who's not her husband. Worst of all, she's not even close to being truly radiant.

Reply from Jenny: Oh yeah, but your twin is a failed priest who starred in a sex tape, turned into a complete lush, and drove drunk, and caused the death of the greatest man whoever lived, Dr. Daniel Jonas!

Reply from Sami: Whatever. After all, he's the bad twin. By the way, isn't he the guy that you've been smooching lately?

Reply from Jenny: How did you know that? Rant, rant, rant ...!
 
Facebook post from Sonny: That's it! I've had it! Deimos WILL pay for what he did to Abigail and Gabi.

Reply from Deimos: Ooooooh, I'm scared, little nephew. What are you going to do? Kill me??

Reply from Sonny: Nope, something even better. A fate worse than death.

Reply from Deimos: Ha! This should be good. What could be worse than death??

Reply from Sonny: Having you kidnapped, bound and gagged, and tied to a chair. THEN, I will unleash my secret weapon upon you:

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Reply from Sonny: That's right, locked in a room with an angry, screeching Sami. And before I turn her loose, I'm going to remind her what happened on the Titan conference room table.

Reply from Deimos: Can't you just kill me now??
 
Reply from Sami Brady DiMera: Did I hear right? Someone needs my help for their revenge plan?

Reply from Sonny Kiriakis: Yep, you did. The guy that had your uncle Bo kidnapped and tortured, which led to him not getting treatment for his tumor, kidnapped your cousin, worked with the guy who kidnapped your mother, granddaughter, stepfather, and stepbrother then they later got sick with a deadly virus (including your aunt Kayla), and kidnapped your brother-in-law and mother of your granddaughter- twice.

Reply from Sami Brady: Text me the address. I'll be there within twelve hours.

Reply from Deimos Kiriakis: :eek::eek::eek::eek:
 
Facebook post from Joey: Man, this is so crazy. I mean, finding out I have a brother I never knew about? Who deals with that? I have to be the only one in town who has to come to grips with this.

Reply from Theo: Have you met my sister, Lani?

Reply from Brady: Have you met my brother, Paul?

Reply from Scotty: Have you met my brother, Eli?

Reply from Andrew Donovan: Did you meet my sister, Eve?

Reply from Rafe: Ever hear about my sister, Paige?

Reply from Lucas: Go on Ewe Search and look up Cassie and Rex Brady.

Reply from Jennifer: Have lunch with me, I'll tell you all about my baby brother, Lucas.

Reply from EJ's possible ghost: Get out a Ouija board and I'll tell you about my brother, Chad.

Reply from Sarah Horton: Ask my mom about her magical egg-baby, Daniel.

Reply from Melissa Horton: Sarah, don't forget about our new sister, Summer/Cindy. :rolleyes:

Reply from Shawn-Douglas: You're familiar with my sister, Chelsea, your cousin, right?

Reply from Bo's ghost: You ever about my sister, Isabella? She's Brady Black's mother.

Reply from Nicky Alamain: Have you heard about my sister, Melanie?

Reply from Andre: We'll have some tea and I'll tell you all about my dear, dear sister, Renee. And don't believe anyone if they tell you I killed her.

Reply from Dougie LeClair: Bet Hope would be blown away if I came to Salem and told everybody who my real dad is.
 
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