Headlines from the Salem Intruder

[JasonDíSpeech]

Meanwhile in Canada, the Elkhorn Examiner publishes the following headlines:
Hardware Store Closed Indefinitely!
Professor Nelson Back to Work!
Private Airstrip Reports Record Business!

 

[DrBakerFan]

As Anne struggles to publish the Spectator without the help of Jenny or Adrienne, the Intruder keeps plugging away to bring the real news to Salemites, especially the most important story in recent Salem history -- the fate of Daniel's heart.

Major Salem Tragedy?: Could Daniel Jonas's Heart Be in Danger?! The Latest from University Hospital!.

Meet Daniel Jonas's Heart: The Ten Things That You Need to Know!

Dr. Valerie Grant: Can She Save Daniel Jonas's Heart?: An exclusive Intruder Interview!

St. Luke's Congregation Prays for Daniel Jonas's Heart: Father Louis Predicts a Miracle!

Save My Egg-Baby's Heart!: A Tearful Maggie Kiriakis Speaks Out!

Xander Cook, the Man Who Endangered Daniel Jonas's Heart: Just How Evil Is He?

 

[DrBakerFan]

Because of Jenny's neglect, the Spectator is now consists of only a few ads and her daily editorial rant, the intruder is stepping up to bring Salemites the real news. Naturally, the focus is still St. Daniel's heart.

Daniel's Heart: Is There Still Hope?! Ten Medical Experts Weigh in!

Why Brady Black Is Unworthy of Daniel's Heart: Five Shocking Revelations!

Dr. Wilhelm Rolf Speaks Out: "I Could Save Daniel's Heart."

"Don't Blame Me for the Plight of Daniel's Heart," Says Xander Cook, "Blame Jezebel Nicole Walker!"

Could Dr. Daniel Jonas Save His Own Heart?: The Answer Is Yes! Here's How!

Could Having Daniel's Heart Improve Your Life?: Six Jaw-Dropping Ways!

John Black's Outrage: "Everyone Cares More About Daniel's Heart Than My Son's Fate. That's a Fact!"

 

[DrBakerFan]

Once again, the hard-working Intruder reporters have scooped the hacks who work for jenny's moribund Spectator by being the first to report on the appearance of St. Daniel.

Daniel's Heart Fading Fast: Brady Black Also in Danger! Can St. Daniel Save the Day?!

"I Saw St. Daniel!": Amazing Eyewitness Testimony from Awed Hospital Workers!

Is There Surfing in Heaven?: St. Daniel Says, "Yes!"

Should Salemites Pray to St. Daniel?: Remarkable Comments by Bishop Wright!

Ten Reasons to Hate Blackhearted Deimos: No. 1 -- He Doesn't Care About Daniel's Heart!

Meet Xander Cook the Man Who Has Endangered Daniel's Heart (and Brady Black): Did Victor Cause Him to Turn to Crime?!

 

[DrBakerFan]

As Jenny made a fool of herself covering for Nicole, and Adrienne got cozy with Lucas, the highly-professional Intruder reporters were once again on the job.

Major Salem Miracle: Daniel Jonas Saves His Heart (and Brady Black); Amazing Bedside Details!

Hospital Shocker: How Clueless Hospital Staff Caused Brady Black's Family Needless Anguish: They Underestimated the Power of St. Daniel!

Genuine Daniel Jonas Miracle: Does This Qualify the Super Surgeon for Sainthood?! Bishop Wright Comments!

Police Station Heartbreak: Baby Holly Speaks First Words as Cruel Chloe Takes Her -- "I Want My Mommy Nicole!"

Quickie Pilots' Licenses -- A Menace to Salemites?: An Exclusive intruder Report!

Police Furious as Smirking Deimos Kiriakis Walks Free: The Unbelievable Reasons Why!

How to Cure Your Goat Phobia: Ten Valuable Tips from Dr. Marlena Evans!

 

[DrBakerFan]

With news breaking out all over Salem, the Intruder is right there gathering the vital facts for inquiring minds.

Daniel's Heart Saves Dying Brady Black: Medical Experts Explain Its Potent Powers!

Kiriakis Jet Missing in Greek Waters: Was Sonny Kiriakis Fit to Fly a Business Jet? -- Shocking Revelations!

Is Your Tech Geek a Criminal?: Ten Key Signs! Number 1 -- He's Wearing an Armani Suit!

Deimos Out at Titan Enterprises: The Shocking Reasons Why! His Plans for a Dramatic Comeback!

John Black Tells ISA to Shove It -- Puts Family First: The Sad Reason for His Remarkable Decision!

Ask the Island Answer Goat: This Week's Question -- Will a Sex Tape Salvage a Sagging Music Career?!

Answer Goat: "Yes, it's true. I know everything."

 

[DrBakerFan]

As Spectator staffers spend all their time worried about the possible Sebastian Howard take-over, dedicated Intruder reporters are hard at work bringing the unvarnished truth to Salemites.

Kiriakis Jet Still Missing: Could Space Aliens Be Involved?!

Kate Roberts and Andre DiMera Officially Unite: Should You Be Afraid?!

Salem's Drug Plague: Brave Intruder Reporters Go Undercover in Salem Park! Their Stunning Findings!

Meet Judge Duncan: Is There Anything She Won't Do for Campaign Contributions?!

How Nicole Walker Got Time Served and a Fine for Kidnapping a Baby: Inside Salem's Bizarre Judicial System!

Ask the Island Answer Goat: This Week's Question -- Why Do Salem Surgeries Leave No Scars?

Island Answer Goat: "Yep, I really do have all the answers!"

 

[DrBakerFan]

As things at the Spectator go from bad to worse, the Intruder is stepping up its game.

Baby Holly Back in Nicole's Arms: Why Hard-Hearted Chloe Came to Her Senses!

How Bad a Pilot Is Sonny Kiriakis?: Shocking Revelations by Federal Investigators!

Kate Roberts Back in Charge at DiMera Enterprises: Candid Reactions from Horrified Employees!

Jungle Madness Patient at University Hospital: Why Isn't He Quarantined?! Is Your Health at Risk?!

Is Martin House a Pesthole?: Jaw-Dropping Discoveries by the Salem Health Department! And It's Not Just Roaches!

Ask the Island Answer Goat: This Week's Question -- Did EJ DiMera Ever Really Change?

Island Answer Goat: "Trust me, I've got all the answers about Slippery EJ."

 

[DrBakerFan]

As Anne Milbauer, unaided by feckless jenny and the long-suffering Adrienne, tries to get out an occasional issue of the Spectator, the Intruder is all over Salem's story of the hour, the murder of Deimos.

The Latest from Salem Psychics: "Deimos Was Murdered by Martin House Ghosts!"

Deimos's Sad Life: How Victor's Cruel Lies Caused Him to Spend Thirty Years in Prison!

Was Deimos Driven to His Death by Heartless Women?: How a Baby-Stealer and a Babysnatcher Dumped Him!

Corporate Treachery: How His Vicious, Backstabbing Nephew Forced Deimos from Titan!

Same Old, Same Old at the Martin House Murder Scene: Inside the Salem P.D.'s Inept Investigation!

Ask the Island Answer Goat: This Week's Question -- Who Killed Deimos?

Island Answer Goat: You can count on this, no goat was involved in
Deimos's murder!

 

[TamiBelle]

Dr. Baker, I did it in the garden, with the biggest knife I could find. Didn't yesterday's show kind of remind you of the movie Clue?

 

[DrBakerFan]

While Jenny frets over Abigail's "marriage" and JJ's current plight, the Intruder staff is on the job as always.

Who Killed Deimos?: Most Salemites Say, "Who Cares!"

Chocolate-Covered Strawberries: Salem's Newest Aphrodisiac?! Could They Get Roman Brady a Kiss?!

Medical Mix-ups at University Hospital: Could You and Your Loved Ones Be at Risk! Shocking Revelations!

New Hope for Lovelorn Salem Grandmas: Are Hot Grannies Kate Roberts and Hope Brady Trendsetters?!

Sad Sack Eric Brady: Five Things You Could Do to Cheer Him Up!

Ask the Island Answer Goat: This Week's Question -- Why Don't Salemites Wear Winter Clothing?

Island Answer Goat: Do I look like I need a sweater and mittens?

 

[DrBakerFan]

As Anne avoids any jailbird Sonny stories as per Adrienne's instructions, the Intruder is right there digging up the dirt.

Sonny Kiriakis "Knows" He Killed Deimos: Just How Delusional Is He?

Sonny Kiriakis's Real Crime: He's a Rotten CEO! Shocking Revelations from Titan Headquarters!

Sonny Kiriakis Says He Was Drugged: Just What Is in His Hair Gel?!

JJ Walks -- Sonny Squawks: More Amazing Tales of Salem P.D. Ineptitude!

Inside the Salem Inn Dumpster: Stunning New Clues in the Deimos Case! Do They Implicate Sonny?!

Ask the Island Answer Goat: This Week's Question: Are Salem Millennials Entitled Brats?

Island Answer Goat: Entitled? Believe it. We goats
work hard for everything we get.

 

[DrBakerFan]

As Jenny and Adrienne celebrate their victory over awful Anjelica, the undistracted Intruder reporters are zeroing in on the top stories of the week.

Brady Pub Horror: The Chowder Runs Out! How You Can Cope with This Dire Emergency!

Meet Myron Raddatz: Has This Creepy Tech Geek Been Hacking Your Computer! Ten Warning Signs!

Party Time at Titan: Employees on Cloud Nine with Pipsqueak Tyrant Sonny in the Slammer!

Counterfeit Bills Flood Salem: How to Spot the Fakes!

Brighten Your Life with an Old-Fashioned Food Fight: Five Tips from Experts!

True Love in One Room at Martin House?: All the Dirt on the Abigail-Dario "Marriage!"

Ask the Island Answer Goat: This Week's Question -- Will Jack Deveraux Ever Return to Salem?

Island Answer Goat: "Jack Deveraux is too good
for Salem, especially now that the half-witted schemer,
Anjelica Deveraux, is back in town."

 

[DrBakerFan]

While Jenny wastes time confronting Brady, the Intruder keeps bringing a sort-of version of the truth to Salem.

Is There Any Honor Among Salem Thieves?; Dario Cuts a Deal -- Whom Is He Selling Out?!

Salem Rumor Mill: Abby-Dario Marriage Reportedly on the Rocks Already -- the Shocking Inside Story!

Your Child's First Job: Should You Decide?! Ten Suggestions from Experts!

Spectator Saved from Vulture Anjelica, but Does Anybody Really Read It? Stunning Statistics!

Rush to Judgment at University Hospital: Seth Burns Hangs Kayla Johnson Out to Dry! Can Steve Save Her!

Ask the Island Answer Goat: This Week's Question -- Is the Salem Money Tree Running Out of Cash?

Island Answer Goat: "Who cares. We goats
only use credit cards."

 

[DrBakerFan]

As both Adrienne and Jenny remain distracted by personal problems, the Intruder is all over the hottest stories of the day.

Dario Flees Justice; How You Can Help the Salem P.D. Locate Him!

Hit-and-Run Horror: Abigail Deveraux Run Down! Can University Hospital Save Her!

Dr. Kayla Johnson Exonerated: "Oops, It Was All a Mistake Says Administrator Burns!"

Older Gents: Can Going Gray Revive Your Lagging Love Life?!: John Black Speaks Out!

Horton Center Dysfunction: Sad, Gloomy Eric Scares Away Clients! Can Anything Cheer Up This Sourpuss?!

Lock Your Doors: Angelo Vitali Seen in Salem! Why Won't the Cops Arrest This Creep?!

Ask the Island Answer Goat: This Week's Question -- Will Nicole Walker Ever Find Happiness?

Island Answer Goat: "Not likely. She's always
shooting herself in foot because of the writers."

 

[DrBakerFan]

As things go from bad to worse for poor Adrienne, the Intruder staffers bravely carry on bringing Salemites their own fractured version of doings in Salem.

Abigail Awakens: Hears Chad Pledge His True Love for Her (at Least Until Next Week)!

Turmoil at the Salem Jail: Chad and Sonny Argue over Who Really Killed Deimos!

"Victor Kiriakis Is a Homicidal Old Coot": Nephew Xander Cook Speaks out from Greek Prison Cell!

Nicole Walker Reconciles with Eric Brady: Will This Destroy Jealous Brady's Love for Her!

The Doppelganger Plague: Could a Perfect Double Steal Your Life! Ten Ways to Protect Yourself!

Dr. Marlena Evans Dumps John Black: Daughter Sami Brady Parties Like It's 1999!

The Island Answer Goat has fled Salem and returned to Greece, and the Forest Preserve Bear has kindly agreed to take over.

Ask the Forest Preserve Bear: This Week's Question -- Where is the best place to dine in Salem?

Forest Preserve Bear: Best place
to eat? Easy, the K-mansion
garbage cans. That Victor is
quite the gourmet.

 

[Just Samantha]

Dr. Marlena Evans Dumps John Black: Daughter Sami Brady Parties Like It's 1999!

 

[DrBakerFan]

As seen onscreen today, the Intruder is all over the Abe Carver story. In addition to the cover story, this week's issue features other hard-hitting articles.

Abe's Funny Money: Ten Shocking Theories on the Source!

What Else is Abe Hiding?: The Intruder Demands a Thorough Audit of City Finances!

Vixen Valerie: Did Her Shockingly Expensive Tastes Drive Mayor Abe to a Life of Crime!

Remember Handsome Tek Kramer?: What Does Mayor Carver Know About His Disappearance?!

How to Tell Your Children About Abe's Arrest: Ten Helpful Hints from Best Mother Sami Brady!

Roman Brady Gets a Kiss: Is This More Shocking Than Abe's Arrest? Check out the Intruder's Stunning Poll!

Ask the Forest Preserve Bear: This Week's Question -- Is Mayor Carver Really Guilty?!

Forest Preserve Bear: "Who cares.
Pass the Cheesy Puffs!"

 

[DrBakerFan]

While Jenny hovers at Abigail's bedside and frets about Lucas, the Intruder soldiers on, bringing Salemites the hottest stories of the week.

Cursed Amulets: How to Tell if One Is Lurking in Your Home!

Bayview Horror: Stunning Revelations About This So-Called Sanitarium!

Decoy Abe: Is Mayor's Arrest Part of a Ploy to Catch the Real Crook! The Amazing Inside Story!

Forget Internet Scams: Body Doubles Are Now the Greatest Danger to Salemites! Shocking True Stories!

Deimos Dilemma: Dazed and Confused Salem P.D. Now Has No Murder Suspects! Critics Say: "What Else Is New?"

Should You Remarry Your Ex?: Take the Intruder's Ten Question Quiz!

Ask the Forest Preserve Bear: This Week's Question: How Can I Cope With All the Dysfunction in Salem -- Body Doubles Running Amok, Cursed Amulets, Eric Brady's Guilt Trips, the Mayor in Jail, etc.?

Forest Preserve Bear: "Have you
considered hibernation?"

 

[DrBakerFan]

In addition to the unkind "Mayor McSleeze" headline seen onscreen today, this week's Intruder contains numerous other hard-hitting stories.

John Black Vanishes: Has Salem's Coma King Gone Missing Yet Again!

Elderly Elvis Seen at the West Salem Mall: Shocking Eyewitness Stories!

How You Can Protect Yourself from Salem's Crooked Judiciary: Ten Hot Tips from the Salem Bar Association!

Joey Johnson Goes to Jail for Ava Vitali Slaying: How Many Weeks Will He Actually Serve?!

Where to Get the Best Breakfast Burrito in Town: The Intruder's All-Knowing Food Critic Weighs In!

Kissless Roman Brady Cashes In: Three Smooches in Rapid Succession! Check Out Our Amazing Photos!

Ask the Forest Preserve Bear: This Week's Question -- What's the Key to My Child's Success at Salem U.?

Forest Preserve Bear: "Easy. It's
Connections. With them, the kid
can drop out and get a high-paying
job before freshman year ends."