Random Thoughts of Salemites, Part 4

Rafe: I wonder if I have a straight-shooting, high-achieving surprise sibling out there somewhere. It would be nice to have one who's never been in jail.

Mami: Oh, dear, now Dario is in jail too. I hope that Hope Brady woman doesn't lead my Rafael astray. I've heard she did some terrible things while she was married to that crooked cop, Bo Brady.

Eduardo: OMG, Dario is in jail too. The kid is a disgrace. The only thing that's more embarrassing than having a crooked son is having one who's a dumb criminal. What was he thinking, working with that wimpy wuss, tech geek Myron Raddatz?
 
Marlena: Boy, I'm so busy, I wish I had at least a few weeks to kick back, with nothing to do but relax. No job to go to, no housework to tend to, no calls to make, no texts to answer, no Sami to deal with.
 
Commissioner Raines ponders his situation.

I don't like the way Deveraux and Price are looking at me. Could they know something? Nah, they're Salem cops, which means they are utterly clueless.

Can I trust that Myron idiot? I think so. He'd never dare cross me.

Abe Carver in a jail cell. Priceless.

Should I find a way to get rid of that annoying Hope Brady? Other police commissioners laugh at me because I have a convicted felon as a detective.

Gee, I'm smart. I'm a better criminal than that Bo Brady guy ever was.:)
 
Sami lets her mind wander, which is far from unusual.

The nerve of the doodyheaded John Black, planning to exhume Will without permission. This life-ruiner seems to think that he can do anything he likes. Maybe all his comas have affected whatever mind he had to begin with.

Brady Black is one sick puppy. I have no use for the babyswitcher, but the way he was treating her is an insult to all women. I think I'll borrow John Black's shovel and put stoopid Brady into a coma.

Brady Black is a sicko. I HATE him! Why can't he be more like my smoochy-moochy. My handsome, changed EJ always respects women.

I can't believe that Mayor Abe made old Granny Hope police commissioner. He must be getting as addled as coma king John Black.

So busybody Julie Williams has reopened Doug's Place. Is she trying to provide a place for oldsters like Granny Hope, John Black, Mayor Abe, and grouchy Victor to play bingo and talk about their ailments?
 
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The participants in the K-mansion wedding fiasco ponder the situation.

Steve: Where did Bonnie get that ridiculous dress -- Tramps 'r Us? Doesn't she know that Halloween isn't for another week?

Victor: This wedding was an unbelievable farce, but was it worse than the time I married that horror, Vivian?

Sheila: This stinks. I knew I never should have trusted Bonnie. Now I'll never get paid. Bummer.

Justin: I may not be much of a lawyer, but at least I'm good a breaking up weddings.

Maggie: I was at the top of my game, saving Victor from this awful Bonnie creature. Maybe this brilliant success makes up for my foolish acceptance of that awful Summer, the one who said she was my long-lost daughter.
 
Sami: It's a good thing granny hag Aunt Hope is so bad at her job. What other cop would let me take their gun and threaten someone while standing there looking stoopid?? Uncle Bo would be so proud of me.
 
Ghost Bo: You bet I'm proud of you Sami. I'm also proud of my Fancy Face for twisting the rules into a pretzel so that you could browbeat Rolf. It reminds me of the time that FF and I kidnapped Arnold Finnegar and tormented him to get information. Anyway, don't tell your father about this. He's such a straight arrow that he wouldn't understand. P.S., please don't call my FF a "granny hag." She may be a granny, but the only real hag in Salem is blue-chunk Kate.
 
John: OMG, Since she returned, Sami hasn't once accused me of ruining her life. What gives?

Marlena: When I start helping Will to regain his memory, I hope the first thing that he recalls isn't witnessing the awful EJ-Sami "hate-boink." This could send him right back to the fantasy world that Susan created for him.

Victor: Eve is really, really getting on my nerves. Maybe, I should place a call to Xander. He's annoying too, but that gold-digging Eve is in a class all by herself.

Paul: Good grief, this Sami woman is really a wack-job and is also incredibly rude. How has Dad put up with her all these years?

Jenny: Maybe, I should drop by the Spectator office to see how things are going, but first I'll have to ask somebody where it is. I haven't been there in so long that i can't remember.
 
Thoughts of Salemites are all on the same track. Sami needs to shut her big mouth.

John: OMG, Sami is far worse than I remembered. That's a fact. When is she ever going to shut up?

Paul: Good grief, this Sami woman is even worse than I've been told. Can't somebody shut her up? I wish this EJ creep she's always babbling about would come back to life and whisk her out of Salem.

Will: The blonde woman who says that she's my mother never stops screeching. Please, won't somebody shut her up. If she keeps it up, I'll be on the first bus back to Memphis. I'd rather listen to "mean, mean, mean," than screech, screech, screech.

Marlena: Oh dear, how did a refined, educated woman like myself ever have awful, compulsive screecher like Sami as a daughter? Can't she ever shut her mouth?

Roman: What da hell? Sami is worse than ever. I wonder if I served her a heaping portion of irresistible Wanchai Ferry Chinese food, she'd shut up long enough to eat it?
 
Theo: Gee, will I be charged with a crime for trying to break into that warehouse? Nah, can't happen. Everyone loves me and my Dad is the mayor.

Shawn: Wow, that miserable brat Ciara is really giving poor Claire a hard time. Should Belle and I stay to provide her with emotional support? Nope, can't do it. It's written in stone that Belle and I never stay in Salem very long.

Eli: OMG, I really need to wash my tainted sheets, but nobody in Salem can tell me how. They rely on a magic laundry service that always keeps them supplied with clean clothes, sheets, and towels.

Mr. Shin: That Kate Roberts is really losing it. Now she's bragging about acquiring Gabi Chic, a little website business with no customers and no income.

Henderson: I hate the new living-room furniture. Those light colors will really show the stains and dirt, which means more work for poor underpaid me.
 
Stefan O.: What gives? Abigail doesn't seem to want to tryst on Smith Island or jump into the shower. Has my magic mojo stopped working? Could I have less animal magnetism than EJ?

Theo: Thank goodness I'm on my way to Capetown. My weepy relatives and clingy Claire were getting really depressing.

Lani: I'll have to ask Kayla if a child can inherit its father's tattoos. If the baby has Eli's, OMG, the truth will come out.

Anna: I hope nothing happens to dear Roman. I'd hate to have to tote around two urns.

Vivian: Coming back to Salem may be a mistake. Stefan is less exciting than a dead flounder and living in the awful DiMera mansion is almost as bad as being stuck in that sarcophagus. Oh for the days of roaming the world with faithful what's-his-name, the guy who was always calling me "madame."
 
Vivian: Why is Stefan reading a book? How many times have I told him that nobody in Salem reads anything.

Vivian: OMG, why is Abigail wearing that grotesque wig and awful coat? I knew she had no taste, but this beats everything.

Melinda Trask: The nerve of that disrespectful moron Eli Grant asking me where I was when Andre DiMera was murdered? I knew the Salem P.D. hired idiots, but this guy takes the cake.

Victor: I can't believe that Vivian Alamain turned up in my living room. Even Jeannie Theresa, Eve, Chloe or Nicole would have been better. I have to tell Henderson to start locking the front door.

Julie: Hmm, a fashion streak in my hair might be just the thing for me. Kate already uses blue so maybe day-glo orange or electric green would do the trick.
 
The New DiMera Guy: Should I tell Chad about Abigail's schizophrenia? No way. I'm having too much fun playing amateur psychiatrist.

Mr. Shin: I hope that new DiMera is paying attention to business and not getting involved with all the mind games and ridiculous plots that have so hurt the company in the past.

Melinda Trask: Is Gabi Hernandez really guilty? Who cares. I'm finally going to get a conviction. Woo hoo!

Abe: I could wring Sami's neck. If she hadn't used her wiles on foolish Rafe, I wouldn't be out one police commissioner.

Theo: OMG, what's going on in Salem makes me glad that I'm in Capetown.
 
Sonny: Whoa! Did Eve actually listen to me? Is that why she's calling it off?

Victor: Sorry, Brady, but I want Maggie back and telling Eve everything was the only way to do it.
(I'm just speculating here)
 
Leo: This Vivian seems rather sketchy. Should I work for her? Oh, why not. I need the cash and, after all, how dangerous can some old lady be?

Hong Kong Hotel Detective: I'm insulted. None of those dopey Americans from Salem noticed that I sort of resemble Odd Job from the film Goldfinger.

oddjob-007-legends-86.7.jpg

Odd Job: "No way I'd ever work as
a hotel detective."

Brady: Eve still loves me. I know it. Eve still loves me, doesn't she? Eve still ... Oh, who am I kidding?

Stefan: Am I crazy romancing a schizophrenic's faux personality? Nah, I'm a super smart guy. I can pull this off.

Hope: Should I take back Rafe? After all, Bo once had a thing with Carly Manning. No, it's not the same. Bo could do no wrong and sleeping with the awful Sami is way worse than consorting with a doctor.
 
Court Officer: Should I intervene and end this courtroom chaos? Nah, this show is too entertaining.

Carly Manning: Why is Hope so mad at poor Rafe? After all, she took Bo back after his hot fling with me.

Vivian: Why do I keep plotting against Salemites? It never works.

Unborn Lani-Eli baby: OMG, the conversations that I keep overhearing make me wonder whether I want to be born.
 
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