Salem Spectator Society Page, Part 2

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DIMERA HATERS BALL SET FOR PRESIDENT'S DAY
The Salem Improvement Society has announced the first annual DiMera-Haters Ball will take place on the evening of President's Day at the elite Salem Country Club. According to Society president Giselle van Hopper, the purpose of the ball is to increase anti-DiMera awareness among Salemites, raise money for anti-DiMera activities, and show support for law enforcement in their determined struggle against the DiMeras. According to Ms. van Hopper, the main speakers will be Police Commission Roman Brady and District Attorney Justin Kiriakis who will discuss ongoing efforts to bring down the DiMeras. Other speakers will be Detective Hope Brady who will speak on overall DiMera perfidiousness, Ms. Abigail Deveraux who will discuss the duplicity and amorality of DiMera men, and respected Titan mogul Mr. Victor Kiriakis who will give a fascinating lecture on the history of DiMeraism in Salem. Ms. van Hopper also assures Salemites that the infamous Samantha Brady, the widow of the odious alleged drug kingpin, Mr. EJ DiMera, will not be speaking and will not be allowed entry to the country club should she dare to appear.
 
Hey, doodyhead editors!

If I want to come to that stoopid party, I will! No one hates the DiMeras more than me. I am the Queen of the DiMera haters! I even hate my 7 DiMera kids, Leonard, Sheldon, Howard, Raj, Penny, Bernadette and Amy.

So that Grizelda Von Pooper, or whatever her name is, can go suck lemons if she thinks she's keeping me out of a party that I should crowed Queen of the Ball at.

I HATE YOU!

Samantha Brady DiMera Hernandez Horton Reed Walker

PS: Lucas, Rafe, Austin and Brandon still belong to me.


Dear Ms. Brady, etc.

Leonard, Sheldon, Howard, Raj, Penny, Bernadette and Amy are not your children. They are... Oh, never mind.

Good luck with getting into the ball.

Salem Spectator Editors
 
NOMINEES SOUGHT FOR FIRST ANNUAL BO BRADY AWARD
The Salem Improvement Society has announced that it is seeking nominations for the first annual Bo Brady Award, which is to be presented to the person who has done the most to combat DiMera evil in the past year. The award is named for the late Mr. Beauregard Aurelius Brady who dedicated his life to bringing down the infamous DiMera family. Society president Ms. Giselle van Hopper noted that only nominees of high moral character will be considered, saying: "No DiMera-hating riff-raff who sank to the level of the DiMeras by committing felonies as a means of harassing Stefano or Andre DiMera will be considered for the award. She added that disgruntled members of the DiMera family are also ineligible. The award will be presented at the DiMera Haters Ball to be held on President's Day.
 
Hey, stoopid peeple!

I don't care what that Grimaldi Von Trapper says, I should win that award! Bo Brady was my uncle, I think. Besides, I should win that award because not only do I hate the DiMeras, and I'm Salem's best mother, but I have the brightest smile in the land, thanks to Truly Radiant products!!

Samantha Brady plus the rest of those last names
 
Clean up on aisle 3!!!! You two owe me a laptop cleaning.

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SALEM BARNES & NOBLE HOSTS LOCAL AUTHOR
The Salem literary set was buzzing today over the news that Mr. Andre DiMera will be signing copies of his new children's book, and socializing with Salemites at the Salem Barnes & Noble. Mr. DiMera's new book is entitled Where in the World Is Samantha Brady? (DiMera Press; $30). Mr. DiMera says that his new book was inspired by the popular computer game Where in the World Is Carmen Santiago? and the popular Where's Waldo? books. He adds that there will be a special prize for any reader who provides him with the actual whereabouts of Ms. Brady. Some critics have questioned the judgment of Barnes & Noble for hosting Mr. DiMera, claiming that his appearance will give children nightmares. Others, most notably Salem Literary Society president, Ms. Giselle van Hopper, have complained that the portions of his book dealing with Ms. Brady's often-sordid past are definitely not suitable for young readers. For those who are interested, Mr. DiMera will be at Barnes & Noble Friday night from 5 PM to 9 PM and Saturday from 1 PM to 5 PM.
 
DrBakerFan said:
SALEM BARNES & NOBLE HOSTS LOCAL AUTHOR
Click to expand...
Reply from Sami: Hey Barnes & Noble doodyheads. How dare you publicize that trash supposedly written by creepy Andre. (I know for a fact that he can't spell or string two sentences together.) And Andre will rue the day that he dared to use my name and image to profit from his stoopid book. He'll be hearing from my lawyer soon. (Hopefully, new lawyer Belle is smarter than she looks.) Finally, when you see stoopid Andre, tell him that he'll never, ever find me and that I HATE him. Ha, ha.
 
DIMERA MANSION OPEN HOUSE ANNOUNCED
Informed Salemites are in a tizzy over the latest addition to the Salem winter social season. Mr. Andre DiMera announced today that the family mansion will have an open house from 11 AM to 6 PM on the last Saturday in January. Hosted by Mr. Stefano DiMera himself, the event will feature a full tour of the mansion (even the mysterious basement and the bedroom where Mr. EJ DiMera was shot), the opportunity to sit on the famous "love couch," and a buffet featuring the tastiest mansion delicacies. Admission is $25. In addition, various fine souvenirs will be available for purchase, including: portraits of Stefano (suitable for framing), DiMera t-shirts with Stefano's face on the front and a phoenix on the back, and "Phoenix" keychains and refrigerator magnets. When announcing the open house, Andre vigorously denied rumors that it was a desperate ploy to raise money. He stated: "This wonderful event is solely intended to dispel vile rumors about our family, and to show Salem that the mansion is really a warm, loving family home." He added that anyone with solid information on the whereabouts of Samantha Brady will receive a free Stefano t-shirt.
 
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SALEM SOCIETY THRILLED BY BASIC BLACK FASHION SHOW
The likes of Pierre Cardin, Yves St. Laurent, Victoria Beckham, and Vera Wang had better get out of the way -- Basic Black is on the move. Salem society fashionistas who attended the Basic Black showing came away raving about the designs of Ms. Jeannie Theresa Donovan. As many may know, Ms. Donovan a former schemer, blackmailer, and coma-inducer has joined with one-time babyswitcher and Titan TV personality Ms. Nicole Walker and ex-cosmetics queen and brownie-baker Ms. Kate Roberts Brady in reviving the moribund Basic Black fashion house, which had languished under the indifferent leadership of the coma-plagued Mr. John Black. Notable attendees at the event were Mr. and Mrs. Steve Johnson; the queen of Salem Society, Ms. Giselle van Hopper; wonder-surgeon Dr. Daniel Jonas, who shaved for the occasion; ex-Titan CEO Mr. Brady Black; wanted criminal Ms. Ava Vitali; up-and-coming attorney Ms. Belle Black; and Pierre! the couturier to Bozo the Clown and Ronald McDonald who is best known for designing the costumes for the cult film classic Killer Klowns from Outer Space.
 
JONAS MEMORIAL STUDY COMMITTEE FORMED
Salem University Hospital Chief Administrator Mr. Burns announced today that a study committee had been formed to plan for a suitable memorial to the late miracle surgeon, Dr. Daniel Jonas. Tentative committee members include Dr. Jonas's godfather, Titan mogul Victor Kiriakis; his doting egg-mommy, Ms. Maggie Horton Kiriakis; the late doctor's fiancee, Titan TV personality, Basic Black executive, and Kate Roberts Brady hater, Ms. Nicole Walker; and leading Hospital trustee and leading socialite Ms. Giselle van Hopper. Mr. Burns encouraged Salem citizens to send in suggestions for the memorial. He stressed that they should reflect both Dr. Jonas's brilliance and dedication, and the dignity and professionalism of University Hospital. He added sternly that nothing will be considered that even hints at Dr. Jonas's alleged inappropriate behavior towards attractive hospital-gown-clad patients.
 
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Hey, doodyhead editors!

It's me again, Salem's best mother. I'd like to know why the stoopid hospital is planning a memorial for that orange-glow horndog who looked like an unmade bed?? My loving smoochy-moochy was a respected member of Salem and a dedicated hospital board member. I didn't see them having a memorial for him. Salem Hospital can go suck lemons! I HATE them!

Sami Brady DiMera, etc.
 
VULGAR SCREECHER IGNORED BY JONAS MEMORIAL COMMITTEE
Salem society was buzzing today over rumors that Ms. Samantha Brady, widow of alleged drug kingpin EJ DiMera, had sent a highly offensive message to members of the Jonas Memorial Study Committee in which she said hateful, hurtful things about the late miracle doctor and made the absurd complaint that no memorial had been erected in honor of her late degenerate husband. Committee member and hospital trustee Ms. Giselle van Hopper remarked that the committee would pay no heed to nasty rubbish spewing up from the dregs of Salem society. Mr. Victor Kiriakis added that if Ms. Brady ever emerges from hiding, she will now have more to fear from him than the infamous DiMera family.
 
SALEM HIGH IMPERSONATION FESTIVAL A BIG SUCCESS
Salemites of all ages turned out in large numbers for the first annual Salem High Impersonation Festival, which was held last night at the state of the art Salem High auditorium. The students' impersonations of Salemites past and present greatly entertained the audience and often had it convulsed with laughter. First prize was awarded to Ms. Ciara Alice Brady for her impersonation of Ms. Samantha Gene Brady. Dressed in a too-tight, too short, low-cut dress, Ms. Brady did spot-on, screechy renditions of "EJ has changed!," "John Black ruined my life," and "Stefano is a doody-head." Second prize went to Chase Jennings for his imitation of Police Commissioner Roman Brady, which featured rapid-fire staccato sentences, each prefaced by "dammit." Third prize was presented to Theo Carver for his hilarious impersonation of the late Dr. Daniel Jonas, complete with scrubs and stethoscope, and with shaving cream applied to his mouth to reproduce the doctor's rumored reaction to attractive women dressed in hospital gowns. The prizes were awarded by Salem Women's Club president, Ms. Giselle van Hopper, who congratuated all the students for their creativity and cautioned them about emulating their elders in real life.
 
Hey, doodyheads!

I'm confused. Was it an honor that my little cousin was pretending to be me? Or was she making fun of me? And if so, I don't understand why. I am Salem's most respected resident, even when I'm on the run for stealing DiMera money. And EJ really DID change. And, more importantly, did Ciara hand out Truly Radiant products?

Sami Brady DiMera and the rest of my other names

PS: John Black really DID ruin my life. I HATE HIM!
 
DIMERA MANSION ST. VALENTINE'S DAY PHOTO OP STILL ON
Salemites who had planned to attend the special St. Valentine's photo op at the historic DiMera mansion are in luck. According to mansion sources, the sudden disappearance and rumored death of the family partriarch and noted international business man, Mr. Stefano DiMera, will not affect the event. In commenting on the photo op, Mr. Andre DiMera said: My dear father was a sensitive, caring man, and a great believer in young love. He always enjoyed seeing happy young couples having their photos taken on mansion grounds." As previously announced, couples who attend the event can have their photos taken while sitting on the famous DiMera Love Couch, posing next to the portrait of Mr. DiMera, or standing in the beautiful mansion gardens. Unlike the annual mansion candlelight tour, there is no charge for the event. As usual, no member of the Brady, Horton, and Kiriakis families will be admitted, nor will any employee of the Salem P.D.
 
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SALEM HIGH TO FORM DULL TEEN SUPPORT GROUP
Salem High Principal Learned M. Goode announced today that Salem High has started a support group for dull teens. Principal Goode explained that Salem High School has far too many dull teens (he declined to identify them) and that it was in danger of becoming a seriously dull place. He added that he's been advised by the admissions department at Salem U. that it does not want any dull, boring applicants. The dull teens group will also be supported by the Salem Improvement Society and Salem Women's Club. When interviewed about the dull teens problem, the president of both organizations, Ms. Giselle van Hopper, said: "Salem needs bright, alert, interesting teens who are adept at conversational repartee. When asked about any possible role models, she said: "our teens would be well advised to emulate our wonderful, brilliant, erudite, and sophisticated police commissioner, Roman Brady."
 
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