Salemites running for president

Just Samantha

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I put this in the Donuts thread, but wanted to create a thread so we can all have some fun.

Last night I was imagining the Salemites running for president.

John Black - people would be screaming to see his birth certificate (including him). His campaign motto would be "That's a fact".

Marlena - she can be in many places at once handling official business, thanks to the 4 Marlena clones that Stefano created.

Stefano - a president who is impervious to assassination, because he'd keep rising from the ashes.

Roman Brady - they wouldn't have to worry about scandals involving women, since he hasn't even had a kiss in umpteen years. His campaign motto would be "what da' hell??"

Victor - everybody would always tune in for all of his press conferences to hear his newest lines of snark.

Daniel (once resurrected) - his first order of business would be to add a tanning bed to the White House. He'd also change the color of the White House to "orange-glow". And, he'd change our national anthem to Surfin' USA.
 
Opponents of Victor, Stefano, and John would claim they weren't born in the U.S. and demand to see their long-form birth certificates. Kate's opponents would run TV ads featuring her former customers from the piers, and ones featuring Deimos and Chloe detailing Ms. Blue Chunk's homicidal tendencies. Andre's enemies will demand proof that he's really alive, and those opposing Daniel would run ads featuring a drooling doctor chasing after hospital gown hotties.

Other possible candidates:

Caroline: "I promise a burger on every dinner plate and chowder in every pot."

Chloe: "Voters, as you can see from my revealing outfits, I've got nothing to hide."

Philip: "If I could regrow my leg. Imagine what I can do for the country."

Maggie: "I'll treat all Americans as if they were my long-lost love child."
 
Parker then decides to enter the race, and citing his extensive experience with toy trains, he promises to make Amtrak run on time.

Other late entries:

Doug: "As a former conman, I'd know just how to handle those crooks in Washington."

Maxine: "What America needs right now is a blunt-spoken woman, and there's no woman more blunt-spoken than I am."

Ian McAllister: "So what if I was sent to jail. Politicians are usually elected and then sentenced to prison. I'll just reverse the process."

Xander: "Elect me. I'll ferret out threats, corruption, and waste wherever they hide -- even in crawlspaces."

Brady: "Support me. As a former no-show CEO, I know how to delegate authority -- all of it. And for all you women voters, I look great without a shirt."
 
Parker then decides to enter the race, and citing his extensive experience with toy trains, he promises to make Amtrak run on time.
Arianna suggests he also discuss his extensive knowledge of Fred the Elephant, and his plans to not only keep Salem's zoo safe, but to finally capture that long-escaped zoo criminal, Horton the Tiger.
 
Summer: able to con the American Public with no problem, will say her arrest was a huge mistake, and somehow, those who accused her, prosecuted her, jailed her, will back it all up. The fact their bank accounts increased by huge amounts is just coincidence.
 
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