The News According to Sami: Spoiler Edition

Sami is so busy squawking and screeching that she never noticed John hijacked her thread last week so he's cleverly done it again.

Sami and Susan battle over Will. Sami and Susan? OMG, I'd say the poor kid is between a rock and a hard place.

John gets Roger to admit Susan lied to him. I always did have a way with Elvis Impersonators. That's a fact.

Sonny tells Paul all is not forgiven. Let's face it folks, that Sonny is one big jerk. That's unfortunate fact.

Days is preempted on Nov. 23 & 24. Be patient people. Doc and I will be back the following week.
 
For the third week in a row, John has deleted Sami's comments and replaced them with his own.

Sami goes to extremes. Of course she does. Doc's kid has never heard of the word "moderation."

Rafe and Sami seek comfort in one another. OMG, Rafe would be more likely to get real comfort from a squad of angry skunks. That's a fact.

Will asks Marlena to help him regain his memory. That's one smart kid. He's going to just the right person.

Will rips into Sami about her outrageous plan. The poor kid may have lost his memory, but he hasn't been deprived of his common sense.
 
Where has there been a spoiler that Sami and Rafe get it on this time?
 
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Sami is so distracted that once again John has been able to delete all her snarky posts and substitute his own.

Sami and Rafe "make love." It would be a fine joke if they did this on the tabletop in the police interrogation room and somebody walked in on them.

Sami lashes out at Belle. Poor Belle. I really know how this feels.

Steve confronts Little Trippy about Kate. Good move by my brilliant partner. If there's any dirt in Salem to be uncovered, Black Patch Investigations will do it.

Brady asks Paul to dig up dirt on Eve. OMG, I'd better talk to the kid. Getting involved in the Kiriakis family circus is never a good move. These days, that crowd is even more dysfunctional than the DiMeras.
 
With Sami busy trying to justify her insane Will memory-restoration plot, the clever John Black has been able to hijack her thread once again.

Abe questions Eli about the JJ affair. Sorry, but Abe is asking the wrong man. If he needs real answers, Black Patch Investigations is the one to call. More people call us than ever phoned the Ghostbusters.

Sami says goodbye. Goodbye is the only word out of Sami's mouth that I like to hear. Hopefully, she'll keep roaming the world in search of awful EJ until she falls off the edge of the earth.

Steve makes a surprising move. That's my partner. What a guy. He's one of the reasons why everyone who needs answers should call Black Patch Investigations without delay.

Doug warns Rafe. Hopefully, it's about staying far away from Sami. I can understand a rebound affair, but a guy's rebound that leads to Sami is like a rubber ball that bounces down the street, falls through a storm drain, and ends up in the sewer.
 
Sami is so distracted by the Will and Lucas situation that John has again been able to hijack her thread.

Marlena gets a romantic gift. That's me, a regular Mr. Romance. Maybe I should give inept Salem men some lessons. This town could use more romance.

Commotion at the Horton ornament hanging. Good grief. This "new" Ciara is bad news. She has no respect for the most sacred tradition in Salem. Sadly, that's a fact.

A surprising couple make love. If you're curious about this, don't call Black Patch. We don't handle this kind of case.

Chad and Abigail have a romantic evening. Yes, I followed through on my first post and gave Chad lessons in romance. Imagine turning a DiMera into a real romantic. That's a remarkable accomplishment.
 
As Sami frets over Will not remembering her and tries to think of new places to look for her long-lost EJ, John Black is again able to hijack her snarky thread.

Ciara gets drunk at a big event. OMG, I'm so tired of problem children. Doc has to deal with Sami and now Hope's once-cute kid has turned into a really nasty brat. Thank goodness for my fine son, Paul. (Sadly, Brady no longer is a son that a dad can be proud of. His Kiriakis genes have taken over -- big time.)

Andre is in love with Kate. These two amoral schemers deserve each other. That's a fact.

Belle and Shawn leave town. Already? Talk about being gone in a flash. They didn't even stop by the Pub for some chowder or Wanchai Ferry.

A mystery couple crash a big event. If these two are out to make trouble, they'd better watch out for my super partner, Steve. Any man who can outfox Kate Roberts and leave her virtually speechless is a force to be reckoned with.
 
Sami is so busy tweeting one and all about the Christmas gifts she wants that John Black again is able to hijack her nasty little thread.

Will kisses Paul. Who wouldn't want to kiss my handsome, manly son. Black men are irresistible. Just ask Doc.

Ciara knows about Rafe's dalliance with Sami. That Ciara is pretty good at ferreting out things that others don't want known. If she wasn't such an obnoxious little brat, I'd offer her an internship with Black Patch Investigations.

Vivian and Kate face off. OMG, the fire and brimstone will really be flying. This could be the worst event for Salem since the Yo-Daddy/Orpheus invasions or the great tunnels explosion.

Stefan has surprising news. And I have news for the surprise spawn of the devil incarnate. If he gets out of line, he'll have to face the full wrath of myself and the mighty Steve Johnson, the man who outfoxed Teflon Kate.
 
Tweet from Sami: Woo hoo, my wonderful thread now has over 12,000 views! This proves whose opinions are most important to Days viewers -- mine!

Reply from John: Sorry, but in case you haven't noticed, I've hijacked your thread for almost two months. Lots of those views are mine.

Reply from Sami: You doodyheaded life ruiner. I HATE you. You ruined my life and now you've ruined my wonderful thread!

With Sami in a funk, John then takes over the thread again this week.

Lani is pregnant: When will Salem women ever learn? One-night stands have a very good chance of resulting in a pregnancy. That's a fact.

Vivian visits Brady and Eve. Those two have my sympathy. Hopefully, there's an ample supply of Bromo Seltzer at the K-mansion. They're going to need it.

Chloe hires John to investigate Stefan. And I thought Chloe was all voice and cleavage. She really knows where to go to get quick, accurate dirt on Salem lowlifes. I'll get the goods on this Stefan O. aka the Big Zero in no time at all.

Andre deceives Kate. What a surprise -- not. As the old saying goes, there's no honor among thieves, especially the DiMera variety. That's also a fact.
 
Now that Sami has given up on her thread, saying that it's been ruined by John Black, he's free to ride it until JS closes it down because it's reached the posts limit.

Theo leaves town. Sorry to see the kid leave, but he needs some smartening up before he comes back to Salem. Imagine anyone trusting Kate or actually be caught committing a crime by the sad sack Salem P.D.

Vivian suggests extreme measures. Steve and I will now be dropping by the Salem cemetery to see if Vivian has a new magic sarcophagus under construction.

A murder takes place in Salem. No matter who the victim is, Black Patch Investigations will discover the culprit long before Hope's Keystone Kops. That's a fact.

Abigail defends Andre. Poor Abigail. Like Theo, she needs more seasoning before she can successfully navigate the shoals of life in Salem. You just can't trust Andre. He can't help himself. He's a DiMera snake of the most poisonous variety.
 
With Sami having walked away from her thread in a huff, John Black continues to prove his insights in Salem events.

The source of Steve's dizzy spells is discovered. Thank goodness. Without my partner, Black Patch Investigations was flying on one wing. I just hope the cause wasn't Roman's burgers, chowder, or Wanchai Ferry entrees. Since Doc never cooks, they're among my favorites.

Gabi asks for Stefan's help. Young people can be so trusting and naive. A basic rule in Salem life is to stay far, far away from sketchy DiMeras. Gabi will be lucky if this creep doesn't pull some typical DiMera thing like turning her into a pawn, making her into an updated version of Princess Gena, or shipping her to Alamania or Melaswen.

Roman lies to protect a loved one. Poor Roman for having loved ones he needs to lie for. Thank goodness Doc and Paul are so reliable that I never get asked probing questions about her. (Don't ask me about Brady.)

Sonny overhears Brady confessing to murder. The Kiriakis family twerp needs to clean out his ears. My son can get tough at times like when he dumped that awful Vivian on an island and tried to frame Eve, but he'd never stoop to murder. That's a fact. The Kiriakises have hired thugs and the lethal Xander for that sort of thing.
 
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While Sami turns over rocks looking for EJ, John is free to continue with his thread hijacking.

Rafe questions Stefan O. about DiMera security footage. It's a shame that the DiMeras didn't have security footage back when the old man and Rolf were messing with my memory. It could have been used to put them in jail for kidnapping, assault, and false imprisonment.

Carrie returns to Salem to defend Roman and Anna. I'm OK with Carrie coming back as long as Sami doesn't show up too. I'm too old to have to listen to screechy Sami insult her sister yet again.

Andre's funeral is interrupted. No surprise here. In fact, I'll bet the unexpected visitor is Andre himself. Sadly, when DiMeras die, they just don't stay dead. :sad::sad:

Will seeks Hope's help. No knock on Hope, but anybody who needs real help should see Doc. There's nobody better. That's a fact.
 
With John distracted by his bizarre plot against Steve, Sami is able to sneak in and reclaim her thread.

Anna confesses to Hope. What stoopid, ancient Anna should be confessing to old Granny Hope is that she's preventing my handsome Daddy from reuniting with Mom.

Will and Paul discover John's plans. My son is so smart. Stoopid, life-ruining, old-fogey John can't get away with anything while Will is around. If only he had been old enough to keep that creepy John Black from climbing on that tabletop with poor, misguided Mom. This would have saved my quality of life.

Will confronts John. That's my boy. I hope he really, really sticks it to the stoopid life-ruiner. I HATE him!

Paul is in danger. I have news for this poor kid. He's been in danger since the day he was born because he's awful John's son. Nobody who's related to him is ever safe from the fall-out from his idiotic behavior.
 
With John still having serous problems, Sami is able to keep her grip on this thread.

Marlena questions John's behavior. It's about time. Hopefully, Mom will finally see the light, dump the doodyhead, and rescue Daddy from awful, ancient Anna.

Billie saves John's life. I have only one question here, WHY????

Rafe & Hope go to Smith Island for a romantic getaway. I hope my Rafe isn't expecting much. He'll probably end up watching old Granny Hope in her ugly flannel nightgown applying her anti-wrinkle cream.

Steve makes a shocking discovery from his hospital bed. Hopefully, poor stoopid Steve will finally realize what a lying, treacherous, backstabbing, life-ruining creep John Black really is. I HATE him!
 
With John up to his ears in ISA nonsense, Sami has ample opportunities to rip into him.

Marlena comforts John. What?! Mom should be walking out on this life-ruiner.

John admits the truth. I find this hard to believe. John and the "truth" shouldn't be mentioned in the same sentence.

Kate rips into John for endangering Billie. I couldn't care less about bumbling Billie, but anytime anybody rips into doodyhead John (even Kate the hag), it's good news.

Lucas shares a warm moment with Will. How nice. They must be singing my praises and dumping all over that stoopid, deranged criminal John. My Rafe should toss him into my Daddy's old jail and throw away the key.
 
With John still hung over from the Steve-ISA affair, Sami keeps her grip on this thread.

Claire ponders telling about how Rafe cheated. This stoopid brat should keep her big mouth shut :angry:. Old Granny Hope (what an antique) cruelly dumped my Rafe and all we did was offer each other some badly-needed consolation :):):).

Maggie leaves Victor. Another one bites the dust. This is just more proof that the only true Salemite love is shared by my smoochy-moochy (yes, he's alive) and myself :love::love::love:.

Abigail dreams of Andre. Whatever, but anyone who dreams of trampy, man-stealing Abigail is going to have one hair-raising nightmare :eek::eek::eek::eek:.

Valerie confronts Lani about marrying JJ. Lani is so stoopid. If somebody as clever and level-headed as myself couldn't pull off a hide-the-true-daddy plot nobody can. Sure, when the truth comes out she'll be revealed as a lying tramp, but so what. Salem is so full of lying tramps (e.g., Abigail :sick::sick:) that she'd fit right in.
 
Hope is rocked when Rafe's secret is exposed. Is old Granny Hope getting senile? Why should she be upset if my Rafe and I had a loving encounter after she dumped him?

Jennifer consoles Hope. OMG, now this mother-of-a-tramp thinks that she's a grief therapist? If she's as bad at this as she was at being a hospital administrator and newspaper publisher, ancient Granny Hope will be headed for a total nervous breakdown.

Gabi reels after learning Eli cheated with Lani. Instead of reeling, my Rafe's little sister should do what I did when smoochy-moochy strayed with trampy Abigail: donate his precious car to charity.

Stefan faces Abigail's second alter ego. Which one is this, the lying, cheating stalker?
 
Will and Paul share a kiss. [Great news -- this means that my Will is finally done with that self-important twerp Sonny. What will Mr. Big-Shot do now, go crying to his stoopid mother?]

"Gabby" is forced to be Abigail. [How did she do this -- take a shower with another woman's fiance?]

The Brady-Eve nuptials come to a sudden end. [What happened? Did somebody shoot that dolt Brady right off the altar. Why would I ask this? Easy, Salem weddings are often interrupted by gunfire.]

Adrienne visits Steve. [So Big Boy Sonny's self-important mother finally decided to get around to visiting her poor, sick brother? Actually, it's a good thing that she waited this long. If she'd shown up when he was at death's door, it probably would have finished him off.]
 
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