Headlines from the Salem Intruder, Part 3

[DrBakerFan]

Jack seems to have lost interest in his newspaper, but the Intruder staff never has a let-down.

DiMera Civil War!: Chad Turns Against EJ at the Kidnapping Trial! The Whole Bizarre Story!

Who's Minding the Store?: The Real Reasons Why Sweet-Bits Bakery Is Closed So Often!

Patch Johnson Goes Kristen Hunting in Italy!: The Deadly Dangers That Lurk There! How You Can Help Him!

Mayor Abe Fiddles Why Salem Burns: How the Mayor's Personal Problems Hurt His Performance!

Salem's Worst Husband: How Little Johnny DiMera Dumped His Bride at the Wedding Reception! The Whole Shocking Story!

Salme's Mask Menace: Impersonators Are Everywhere! How You Can Protect Yourself!


Ask Rory: This Week's Question -- What's Your Take on Johnny DiMera?
Rory: "There are jerks and there are really big jerks. Little Johnny fits into
the latter category."

 

[DrBakerFan]

As Jenny shops for sleeveless dresses and Jack frets over Abigail, the Intruder carries on.

Frame up: The Shocking Inside Story of the Diabolical Effort to Railroad Our Commissioner Hernandez!

"OMG, My Husband is Gay!"; Nancy's Heartbreaking Story!

Will EJ Survive Prison Life?!: The Deadly Dangers He Faces!

You're Fired!: The Bizarre History of Victor's Choices to Be Titan's CEO!

Salem's Creep of the Year!: Meet Johnny DiMera, Former Cute Kid Turned Outrageous Cad!

Where in the World Is Abigail DiMera?: The Experts Weigh in! How You Can Help Find Her!

Ask Rory: This Week's Question -- Has the Devil Left Salem?

Rory: "The real question is whether he's ever left.
The way people behave in this town, it seems
sometimes like Satan is in charge, not Mayor
Abe."

 

[DrBakerFan]

As Jenny and Jack deal with the Gwen fallout, the Intruder staff keeps their eyes on the prize.

The Bride Wore Handcuffs: The Stunning End of Grifter Gwen's Wedding!]

Can You Trust a Doc Who Falls for a Scammer? Ten Reasons Why Not!

Where in the World Is Little Johnny DiMera? How You Can Help Find Him!

Ava Walks, Melinda Squawks: How Awful Ava Escaped Justice Yet Again!

Father Eric Is Back and Mixing Drinks: Our Readers Rate His Bartending Efforts!

Mayor Abe Insults Wife Lexie's Memory: Romances Former Fraudster Paulina Price!

Sitting Duck: Schemer Gabi Sits Alone at the Top of the DiMera Snakepit -- How Long Can She Last?!

Ask Rory: This Week's Question -- Have You Ever Been to Sweet Bits?

Rory: No way. That place is always
closed. I'm sticking with the Salem
Dunkin' Donuts.

 

[katmouse]

The place is always closed

 

[DrBakerFan]

The news that Lani has been arrested for shooting T.R. has prompted the Intruder to run a special issue on some of Salem's worst cops. The Intruder requests that anyone who knows of cops who should be added to their list to contact the paper.

Ineptitude Personified

Forensic "Expert"; The man with the poorest sense of smell in Salem failed to notice anything amiss when he arrived in the sorority house cellar minutes after Max Brady exhumed the weeks-old corpse of Ford Decker.

Shawn Brady: This Police Academy drop-out is as bad at handling his police duties as he is at managing his personal life.

Roman Brady: The former ringmaster of the Salem P.D. circus. He's far better at serving up Brady Burgers and clam chowder than police work.

One Shot Wonders

Officer Dean Hartman: Kidnapped Ciara Brady because he was fed up with the nepotism and cronyism in the Salem P.D.

Officer Bernardi: Paid by Stefano to put Rafe Hernandez permanently out of the luv business.

Anonymous Cop: Shot up the Brady Pub because he thought John Black had looted the police pension fund.

Career Criminal

Bo Brady: This master of illegal, warrantless break-ins also kidnapped and assaulted Fake Rafe.

Stone-Cold Killers

Hope Brady: Best known for murdering Stefano DiMera; participated in the kidnapping and assault of Fake Rafe; was often Bo Brady's little helper during his illegal, warrantless break-ins.

Lani Price: Gunned down her violent grifter father T.R. Coates; helped career-criminal Kristen DiMera escape police custody.

Ask Rory: This Week's Question -- "What's your take on the Salem P.D,?

Rory: "I love the Salem P.D. These cops
are so busy eating donuts and taking
care of personal business that they
wouldn't notice a pot deal going down
if it was right under their noses."

 

[Just Samantha]

I must go out and buy the hard copy of this edition; it's a keeper!

 

[DrBakerFan]

While Jack deals with family problems, the Intruder staff keeps their eye out for tasty Salem dirt.

Chanel Picks Allie over Little Johnny: Should You Care!?!

Awful Orpheus Is Back: Check out Steve Johnson's Tips on How to Stay Safe!

Do-Nothing Mayor Abe Reportedly Eyes Higher Office: Is He Kidding!?

Dr. Evans Saves Sarah from Abigail Murder Charge: Whom Will the Cops Choose Next as Their Prime Suspect?!

Grifter Leo Returns: How to Avoid Falling Victim to His Scams!

Evan Frears Is a Baby Daddy: Can Social Services Save the Child from a Life with Orpheus?!

Lucas Horton Saved from Murder Charge, but He's Still Kate's Son: Will He Ever Find Happiness?!

Tainted Pies Make Sweet Bits Bakery a Target of Salem Health Department: Will It Ever Reopen?!

Ask Rory: This Week's Question -- Who Murdered Abigail?

Rory: "This town is so full of dysfunctional
people that it's impossible to say. One
thing's certain -- no stoner could have
done it."

 

[DrBakerFan]

While Jack deals with Xander and Gwen, the undistracted Intruder staff keeps on coming up with tasty dirt.

Stefano's Crypt Robbed!: Could Lax DiMera Security Make This Possible?!

Will the Phoenix Rise Again?: The Return of Stefan O. Raises This Possibility Anew!

Who Will Win -- the Shins or EJ?: Inside the Battle of the Century for the Soul of DiMera Enterprises!

Sonny Cruelly Stabbed: How You Can Help the Cops Catch the Culprit!

Kristen's Vicious Custody Suit: How the Moral Monster Will Try to Snatch Rachel from Her Father's Loving Arms!

The Perils of Leo Stark: Why Everybody Accuses Him of Everything! What Is He Really Like!

Is This a Joke?: Real Estate Fraudster Paulina Price Wants to Be Governor! How You Can Help Save Good Government in Our State!

Ben and Ciara Dig for Clams in Nova Scotia: Are They Now Too Broke to Buy Food and Supplies?!

Ask Rory: This Week's Question -- Would You Eat Paulina's Election Cookies?!

Rory: "Only if they have the same effect as Jenny's magic donuts."

 

[DrBakerFan]

Scandal-hungry Salemites get their latest helping of dirt from the Intruder.

Salem's Latest Wave of Kidnappings!: How You Can Safeguard Your Family!

Survey Says Salemites Are the Worst Drivers in the State: The Shocking Statistics!

Where are Kidnapped Salemites Most Likely to Be Held: Cabin, Warehouse, Garden Shed, Mausoleum. Sewer. or a Tree House?! Check out Our Amazing Results!

Spurned by Cruel Victor, Xander Needs a Job: Can You Help Him?!

How Long Will the Brady-Kristen Reunion Last?! Vote Today in Our Poll!

He's Still Got What It Takes: How Steve Johnson Rescued Son, Dr. Trippy, from Kidnappers in Record Time!

Where in the World Is Wilhelm Rolf?: Enter the Intruder's Fun Contest!

Never Say Die: Ousted Gabi Still Campaigning to Regain Control of GabiChic! Does She Have a Chance?!

Another Failed Marriage for Nicole Walker: Will She Ever Get Matrimony Right?!

Ask Rory: This Week's Question -- What's Your Take on the EJ-Ava Battle?!

Rory: "It won't end well. After all, both of them fit the definition of a "dumb criminal."

 

[DrBakerFan]

With Lady Whistleblower on the job, the Intruder has to worker harder to get to the dirt first.

Ladies, Is Your Fiancé a Gay Gold Digger? Three Ways to Tell.

How to Deal with Neighbors Who Borrow Your Shower and Invite Themselves to Dinner.

Was D.A. Trask’s Dinner with Lowlife Li Really a Blind Date?

Brady and Kristen Battle for Superbrat Rachel: Will the Winner Be the Biggest Loser?

Meet Megan Hathaway, the Megalomaniac DiMera Who Wanted to Rule the World. Is She Gone for Good?

How Dull Is Harris Michaels? We Ask the Folks at Bayview.

Stefano Spins in His Grave as His Inept Offspring Battle for His Empire.

Note: Rory is on vacation and will return in the next issue.

 

[DrBakerFan]

The Intruder tries to provide high-octane dirt to top Leo.

John Black’s Paternal Upgrade — from Yo-Daddy to Van Dyke Daddy! The Amazing Details!

Was Victor Murdered!!? Did a Bomb Bring Down His Plane!? Shocking New Discoveries!

Vivian’s Will Scam! Her Absurd Claim to Be Victor’s Widow! We Expose All Her B/S!

Dimitri’s Hot Icelandic Honeymoon — with Leo! The Whole Sordid Story!

Scheming Gabi Hits New Low! Her Vile Plot Steal the Von Leuschner Fortune! How You Can Help Foil Her Plans?!

Jeannie T.’s Back in Town — Neglecting Tater Tot to Find Steamy Sex With Any Available Guy! How Low Will She Sink!?

Harris Saves Ava from Assassin’s Bullet! How Salem’s Biggest Bore Became an Unlikely Hero!

Sarah Gives Birth! Pity Her Poor Baby! Why Maternity Ward Staff Can’t Wait for Her to Leave!

Ask Rory: This Week’s Question — What’s Your Take on Ava and Harris in London?
Rory: “I hope they don’t rent a car. A driver like Ava trying to navigate English roads is too awful to contemplate.”