I liked my version of the Horton family stories better:
And this was cousin Nick. He killed someone and went to prison, but was released early. Cousin Ari's mom, Gabi, killed him. Cousin Julie's knickers are in a permanent knot over that.
Cousin Jeremy is fugitive on the run.
Cousin Steven is a crook and con-artist. Last we knew, he was somewhere in Europe with his son, Spencer.
Uncle Tommy lives in the attic. Shhhhh, don't tell anyone.
Cousin Jessica has multiple personalities. You never know quite who you're dealing with.
Cousin Julie and Cousin Hope are half-sisters, but Cousin Julie is also Cousin Hope's stepmother.
Your Uncle Mike grew up thinking Uncle Mickey was his dad, then he found out your Great-Grandpa Bill was his real dad. That revelation didn't go over well.
Your Uncle Lucas was born because your Great-Grandpa Bill had an affair with your Cousin Ari's great-grandma, Kate. His affair with Kate made Great-Grandma Laura lose her marbles.
Cousin Allie has a twin brother, but he's not a Horton, he's a DiMera. When you're a little older, I'll explain how that all happened. But lucky for you, both of them are your cousins!
Cousin Ari's daddy, Cousin Will, was murdered by your mommy's old boyfriend, Ben. But mommy got him back good when she set him on fire.
Nobody has seen cousins David, Scotty, Sandy, Steven or Spencer for decades. Hope they're all OK.
Believe it or not, Aunt Maggie has two daughters who are Hortons. Seriously. We haven't heard from them in years and certainly not after she found out Saint Daniel Jonas was her egg-baby. Aunt Maggie also has another daughter, Summer, but we doubt that's really legit.
Your Grandpa Jack was once married to Great-Uncle Patch's wife, Aunt Kayla. But that's another story for when you're older.
Cousin Allie once had a baby sister named Grace, who was really your own big sister. But she's now in Heaven.
Right now, Cousin Hope is in prison for killing your Grandpa Stefano. But it appears he's not really dead, as usual. So we're all waiting to see how it all plays out before Hope is released.
So, are you up to speed?