SALEM WOMEN'S CLUB TO HONOR RETIRING POLICE COMMISSIONER
Ms. Giselle van Hopper, president of the Salem Women's Club, has announced that it will host a gala dinner at the Salem Country Club in honor of her personal hero, retiring police commissioner, Mr. Roman Brady. Joining the guests for the gala will be Mr. Brady's ex-wives, urn-toting Anna DiMera, businesswoman Ms. Kate Roberts Brady, and Dr. Marlena "Queen of the Night" Evans. Also coming are Commissioner Brady's brother, body-snatcher Mr. Max Brady; his sister the often-kidnapped Dr. Kayla Johnson; and his loving mother, Ms. Caroline Brady of Brady burger, clam chowder, and Wanchai Ferry fame; and his daughter, lost-cat lawyer Ms. Carrie Reed. (Not attending are the Commissioner's reclusive son, Eric, the infamous sex-tape priest and drunk driver; and his daughter, screechy Sami Brady DiMera, who was omitted from the guest list at the request of numerous Salem citizens who value civility and good taste.)
Commissioner Brady's long and storied career with the Salem P.D. has included battling the dreaded Salem Strangler, the diabolical DiMera crime empire, the invasion of the deranged Yo-Daddy's Phantom Army, and the reign of terror inflicted by the dreaded Orpheus gang. Although many mocked the Salem P.D. during Commissioner Brady's tenure, he was responsible for sending many infamous criminals to prison, including infamous baby-broker Dr. Richard Baker, veteran felon Vargas, crazed Titan CEO Mr. Ian McAllister, Mr. Xander "Crawlspace" Cook, vicious serial killer Mr. Ben Weston, and crazed personal assistant Augustine "Gus" Pascal.
The always-dedicated Commissioner Brady has been popular with his police officers because of his hands-off policy, which allowed them ample time for personal business, tolerated their disregard for such legal trivialities as search warrants, and kindly letting them return to the police force after committing major felonies. Mr. Brady's family and friends are hopeful that the Commissioner can now tend to his neglected social life and perhaps get his first kiss in decades. Commissioner Brady himself is vague on his future plans, but has pledged not to vanish into the Brady Pub kitchen never to be seen again.