Facebook posts and Tweets from Salemites, Part 22

Just Samantha

Just Samantha

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Facebook post from Fynn: Attention all the ladies I've shagged. Remember those "creative" and "artistic" videos we made? Well, unfortunately, someone broke into my flat and stole all of my electronics. I'm afraid our "artistic" endeavors may have fallen into the wrong hands and our videos could go viral. And since my best mate, Daniel, is dead, that's one viral outbreak we can't contain. So, please, ladies, forgive me for being so careless in not protecting my electronics with stronger passwords. Not much else I can do about this. Sorry!

Reply from Sami: Fynn!!! I thought I raised you better than that!!

Reply from Roman: Dammit S.... oh, never mind.
 
Facebook post by the Winterthorne Academy Alumni Association: Greetings, Winterthorne graduates. Here is the latest edition of the "Winterthorne Academy Alumni News."

Eduardo Hernandez, '71: Eduardo reports that he is edging into retirement, attempting to make amends to his children after years of neglect, and is watching the back of an unscrupulous older women who's in way over her head.

Harvey Kalashnikov-Glock, '01: At last word, Harvey was on assignment somewhere in Eastern Europe. When he emerges from very deep cover, he promises to enlighten us about his latest adventures.

John Black, '73: Still battling to overcome the effects of multiple comas, amnesia, stints as a Stefano DiMera "pawn," and service with the hopelessly incompetent ISA and Salem P.D., John is currently attempting to use his Winterthorne skills to help friends and family. Hopefully, John's latest quest will turn out better than all his previous efforts.

Rocky Balboa Siracusa, '05: Rocky is thrilled to report that he's currently working on a secret assignment for billionaire Victor Kiriakis. Rocky is necessarily sketchy with the details, but it seems that his assignment has something to do with troublesome Kiriakis relatives. Rocky assures us that his Winterthorne brand of firearms and martial arts skills ensure complete success on this mission.

Graduates should also be aware that the Winterthorne Academy Annual Giving Campaign is closing soon. So if you haven't done so already, please send a generous donation today.
 
Tweet from Xander: Hey Salem, I'm still stuck in jail (none of my rotten relatives would bail me out). My new lawyer is some blonde babe named Belle Black. Is she any good?

Reply from Shawn: Good luck to you buddy. Belle is way too busy with her personal life to properly represent anyone.

Reply from Ghost Aiden: Shawn is right, X-man. As a lawyer, Belle Black is the pits. If the writers hadn't killed me off, I'd have gotten you off, but such is life in Salem.

Reply from a Salem U. law professor: Belle Black passed the bar exam? She had to take my criminal law course twice before passing with a D. Right now, she should stick to lost-cat law.

Reply from Sami: "Lawyer" Belle? She stinks! She's even a worse lawyer than my other doody-head sister, Carrie. I HATE them both!

Reply from Xander: Maybe I should just represent myself. From the sound of things, I couldn't do any worse than Belle Black.
 
Facebook post from Anne Milbauer: My spidey senses are tingling. I bet Little Miss Priss Jen-Jen Horton isn't doing her job, again. Dang it! Wish I still worked at the hospital so I could tell Mr. Burns. What the heck, I'll tell him anyway. I can still bust on Jenny from afar.
 
Facebook post by the new Andre DiMera Teen Counseling Services: Salem parents, is your teen getting poor grades, associating with a bad crowd, drinking, smoking controlled substances, and generally rude and obnoxious? Well, the Andre DiMera Teen Counseling Services is the answer to your prayers. Mr. Andre understands teen problems. He himself had a demanding and overbearing father, problem siblings, and experienced difficulties fitting into society. With this background, Mr. Andre can lend your troubled teen a sympathetic ear and offer useful, caring advice. In no time, your teen will be on the Salem High honor roll and an overall model citizen. So don't delay. Call Mr. Andre today. You'll soon be able to tell your friends that your teen is as well-mannered and cultured as a DiMera.
 
Facebook post from Alice's couch: Please.... just chop me up and throw me in the fireplace. I don't want to exist any longer after what happened on me.

Reply from Sofie, the DiMera Love Couch: Join the club.
 
Facebook post by the Justice for Andre Committee: Mr. Andre DiMera is currently being framed for the murder of his dear father. Two dirty Salem cops, Hope Brady and Rafael Hernandez, are pitching the unspeakable lie that Mr. DiMera would kill the wonderful father whom he deeply loved. Worse, the clueless police commissioner, Roman Brady, appears to be buying into their tissue of utter lies. Help get justice for Andre. Write to the mayor, D.A. Kiriakis, your congressman and senator, the state attorney general, and the FBI. Salem's hopelessly corrupt police force and perverted justice system must be stopped. Those interested in joining the committee should contact Harold the Butler at the DiMera mansion. Act today. Unless something is done, you too could be a victim of so-called Salem "justice."
 
Facebook post from Chase: I'm finally in charge of my destiny! According to my new mentor, Andre Dimera, people like a take-charge individual. I've always wanted a career in demolition. To prove my worth, I should blow up a random building. Yeah, that'll show people I can do the job. What could possibly go wrong?
 
Facebook post by Titan Industries: Titan Industries, a major multi-national corporation, is seeking a CEO to replace the recently-fired, traitorous dolt, Philip Kiriakis. Absolute loyalty to Titan owner, Victor Kiriakis, is an absolute, absolute must. Business experience, basic literacy, an MBA, college degree, a high-school diploma, and the ability to do simple arithmetic are a plus, but not essential. Please note that no current and former employees of DiMera Enterprises or friends or employees of that scoundrel Deimos Kiriakis need apply.
 
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Facebook post by Salem University Hospital (prepared by Jenny herself). Salemites, were you in despair because the tragic death of miracle surgeon Dr. Daniel Jonas seemed to deprive you any chance of recovery? Now, the great news is that there is new hope for all those who were counting on Dr. Jonas's remarkable abilities! As many may know, former Titan CEO, Brady Black, received Dr. Jonas's heart, and it turns out that the wonderful doctor's healing powers have been transferred to him! This means that by simply laying your hand on Mr. Black's manly chest you or your loved ones can be instantly cured! So don't delay, make an appointment to see Mr. Black today. Note that this miracle cure is covered by all the major medical insurers!
 
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Tweet by Belle: Great news, Salem. I'm the new owner of "Club Victor" aka "Edge of the Square."

Reply from Club Customer no. 1: OMG, if you're as bad as running a club as you are in court, the place is doomed.

Reply from Club Customer no. 2: Lord, is she ever a bad lawyer. She represented my cousin Felix when he was charged with shoplifting at the Salem Target, and the judge threw the book at him.

Reply from Club Customer no. 3: Belle Black? Isn't she the one who's been seen hanging out with that sketchy Philip Kiriakis? From now on, it's Club TBD for me. I won't go to any club where I might see Shaggy Phil.

Reply from Sami: Shut up, you losers! I'm the only one who's allowed to insult my stoopid little sister, Belle. You may not like her much, but I HATE her!
 
Facebook post from Hope to Philip: Hey, Philip, is it OK if Claire spends the night here with Ciara tonight?

Reply from Philip: Why are you asking me?? Claire's not my daughter.

Reply from Hope: What??? You mean Belle cheated on you with another man?? What a piece of trash she is! And what kind of sleaze-ball sleeps with a married woman and impregnates her?? Ugh.
 
Facebook post from Patch: Has anybody else in Salem had a child kill someone? And did you try to cover it up?

Reply from Lucas: I took the blame when Will shot EJ. Why, what's going on?

Reply from Patch: Oh, no real reason. Nope, none at all. Just kind of curious. You know me, I'm a curious kinda guy. Well... I think I'm going to go play my harmonica or something. Yep, nothing to see here. Move along.
 
When the news of Stefano's death is confirmed, Salem social media explodes.

Justin: Great news, Salem. It's been confirmed. Stefano DiMera, the monster who tormented our community for so long, is dead!! Good riddance, I say.

Reply from SalemCubFan: That's a shame. When I was a paperboy delivering the Spectator, he always gave me great tips.

Reply from Mr. Burns at University Hospital: We at University Hospital mourn the passing of our great benefactor, Mr. Stefano DiMera. A suitable memorial service is being arranged.

Reply from GreatSalemMom: That's really too bad about Mr. DiMera. He always bought lots of boxes of Girl Scout cookies from my daughter. He really liked the chocolate mints.

Reply from Salem Music City: We'll miss Mr. DiMera. He liked to come in and get his Italian opera recordings. He was a real afficianado.

Reply from Percy in Cornwall: So sorry to hear about Mr. DiMera. I've heard he was a cultured gentlemen. It was his son, EJ, who forced me out of Salem who was the real cad and rotter.

Reply from Sami: You doodyheads are sorry about Stefano?! I HATE you!!
 
Facebook post from Sami: What is wrong with Salem? They've had Dr. Scruffy Memorial-Palooza going on since the night of the accident. And now that stoopid hospital wants to do a memorial service for that old doodyhead, Stefano?? What about my precious smoochy-moochy?? No one offered to have a memorial for him. No one set up a shrine to him in the town square. My darling EJ was Salem's greatest man to ever live. He was the father of my eight kids, Kourtney, Kim, Krobert, Khloe, Kendall, Kylie, Kris and Kaitlyn. You people can all go suck on lemons! I HATE YOU!

Reply from Roman: Dammit Sami, those aren't your kids, they are the Kar.... oh, never mind.
 
Facebook post by Law Offices of Belle Black, LLPC: Are you the only suspect in a major murder investigation? Have you already confessed? Does all hope seem lost? Well, never fear, help is on the way. Belle Black the smartest, toughest defense attorney in Salem City and County is the answer to your prayers. She talks tough to the police and D.A., will get your bogus confession tossed out, shred any of the prosecution's witnesses, and charm any jury if the D.A. foolishly takes your case to trial. Call Belle Black today and you'll soon be celebrating either the dismissal of all charges or your easy acquittal at her new party spot, Club Belle (formerly known as Club Victor or the Edge of the Square).
 
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