Please say a prayer for me

mae00

mae00

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I set the ball in motion today to finalize the divorce from my cheating, lying ex. I felt at peace when I typed up an email to my lawyer with some questions and concerns before proceeding with the decree. Now that she has contacted his lawyer, my nerves are shot and I feel sick to my stomach all over again. He is going to be furious when he sees what I'm asking for. Yes I'm taking him to the cleaners. Money wise, everything I asked for is exactly what my lawyer told me that I was entitled to plus a couple of extra. He stopped making our mortgage payment so that he could save for his new baby and we were 7 months behind which forced me into a loan modification to keep from losing the house. Then I'm also asking for back child support for the month & a half that it took from the date I filed to the date that we went to court. Of course I'm retaining/fighting for custody of the boys and I'm fighting for the house as well as a few other big items.

I greatly appreciate any prayers for peace during this time, quick end to all of this (meaning little to no contest in the divorce) and the continued watch & safety of my boys when they are with him. We've had a couple of instances where they have come home with what I believe now to be chemical burns from the pool where he claims he lives with his "girlfriend" and I've been warned to keep the boys away from her regardless of what I have to do.

So much drama has been brought into my life by marrying him and I'm ready to for it to end. I feel that I will always have drama when it comes to him but at least I can be legally free of him once this divorce is over.
 
deleted unnecessary quote....JS

mae00,
You are going to get through this and move on. I believe in the power of prayer and recently discovered this amazing website which has prayers for everything. I'm using it for various things, especially employment, as I am in dire straits myself and need help. I have included the link after my message. I will say prayers for you and believe that your future will be better and more fulfilling, even if you can't see that now. I have to hope the same for myself. Sending you good wishes and positive karma. Please keep us posted. Blessings to you.
http://www.prayers-for-special-help.com/#axzz2YP8pQpox
 
:hug: mae, you have my hugs and prayers. I'm sorry that you and your boys are going through this. When ever you need a shoulder or an ear, we're here. You can always send a private message (called a conversation) through the Spectator.

Don't give in, and don't back down. It sounds like you and your lawyer are on top of things.

The welfare of the other people involved isn't your concern. What the soon-to-be-ex will say he wants or needs for him, his girlfriend, and their child are not important. He and/or she can always get a second job.

Oh before I forget........ I don't know how it works in your state, but two of my friends have had to have all bank records, retirement fund account records, and investment account records subpoenaed. Anything with the exes' social security numbers on them. They were looking for hidden accounts.

Turns out that the one friend's ex had been siphoning off money from his pay (she paid the bills) and putting it into an account with her and her mother's name. She also had a secret IRA. Seems she had been doing it for so long that there was over $30,000 that she had hidden. Yep, he ended up getting 2/3 of that money back.

The other friend's ex was putting money into an account with his and his girlfriend's name. It was around $5,000. She got all of that money back.
 
I'm so sorry for what you are going through, Mae. What's happening or could happen is frightening, and I speak from experience. I discovered the drama I was already living was no worse than the drama of leaving a sick, twisted man. Record everything, write down everything, and be safe first. Even if the cops can't do anything, call anyway if there is a threat. You and your children come first. It sounds to me like you are finally making a big move to take care of yourself and them, and that takes strength!! I admire you for that and I hope you will let us know here on SS how it's going. Lots of good advice and caring people are here. Take a deep breath and hold on!! Prayers and hugs, K
 
I will definitely keep you and your sons in my thoughts and prayers.
I’ve been divorced twice, after being separated for a while, so trust me when I say it’s normal to be stressed at this point. You've taken a huge step, making major change in your life. Even though your soon-to-be-ex has moved out, filing for divorce makes it more official. I’d say a big part of the stress comes from the belief that he is likely to contest the terms you have asked for. The uncertainty that you face in that arena, on top of the uncertainty about your son’s health, is just adding stress on top of stress.

As for keeping your children away from your soon-to-be-ex’s mistress is going to require legal action, otherwise you have no say in the matter when they are with their father. If you have not done so, ask your lawyer what you need to do. If there is something in her past, that has been documented, that would make it reasonable that the boys stay away from her, it would make things much easier for you. Otherwise, you’re going to need to document things, which may require police reports and/or medical documentation. Your lawyer will best be able to advise you on this issue.

Please make sure that you take care of yourself right now, as it will enable you to better take care of your sons and everything else you’ve got going on. You’ve got people in your corner. Lean on your friends and family, let them help if they offer and don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. At times, a little breather is all you need. If you’ve not already done so, you may want to bring your boss and co-workers into the loop. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, but don’t know what help to ask for, let people know you’re feeling the pressure. A couple of years ago, one of my co-workers was going through a messy divorce with her cheating ex. One day she was having rough time with the divorce, and her office phone was ringing off the hook. She told me she was stepping outside for a little while, that she just had to get away from her phone for a couple of minutes. About a minute later, I stepped outside and offered to let her forward her phone to me for the day, if I couldn’t handle an issue, I’d email her about it. She looked like a huge weight had been lifted off of her, and it was something she never would have asked of me. Then I let our boss know about the phones (he already knew about the divorce). By the end of the day, she looked much calmer.

Last, but not least, you’ll want to take time before starting a new relationship. Give yourself at least 6 months from the time the divorce is final. Also, if this is not the first time you’ve found yourself in a relationship filled with drama, you’ll want to see what it is that you have found so attractive to that particular type of man and decide what it is you’re really looking for. That’s what I did before my husband and I started dating. I’d had my fill of good looking jerks. Since looks don’t last, I decided not to make that a factor at all. I wanted a nice guy, who liked and was good with children, and he had to actually like cats. I had a young daughter and I was tired of jerks who barely tolerated my cats. Those were my main requirements, and they seem to have worked well for me.
 
Thank you all so much.

@b2 - work already knows the situation. I'm very grateful and blessed to be working for someone who is so family oriented that she is working with me around the changes that are being made in regards to doctors appts, getting the boys picked up and dropped off, etc. I've already discussed the situation with my lawyer and we are already doing what we can to keep the boys away. Unfortunately right now, it's not much, but at least its something. When & IF they get married, my hands will be tied until something more drastic happens. As for a new relationship - that is not even being considered. I'm in no hurry to jump back into this again. He has definitely soured me on that right now. Maybe down the road, but it's not something that I'm scouring the streets looking for. My boys are my life and my focus right now. The rest will happen on it's own.

I have such a great support system going, both in person and online. Thank you all so much. It makes this much easier knowing that I can come here and vent worries, concerns, anger, etc. and get advice when I don't know where to go next. It is all greatly appreciated - I simply cannot express how grateful I am.

:hug:
 
@mae - I didn't figure you were looking for anyone right now. I just know that I've seen people in a similar situation, who have had their heads turned by someone being nice to them, and jumped into a relationship that they weren't ready for, and been hurt all over again. The co-worker I mentioned earlier is a prime example that. She got embroiled in a relationship worthy of a soap opera - or Jerry Springer episode. But, if you have it in your mind that you're not going to be involved with anyone romatically until at least X date, it makes it easier to actually do just that.

I'm glad you've got a boss that is family oriented and who is willing to work with you. Those are definitely gems. My boss is one of those too.
 
Stick to your guns. If he wants divorced bad enough he will cave. You aren't looking for anyone so you're not having a divorce emergency but I bet his preggo GF is. I would make sure your boys are well provided for and if he cant keep his zipper up he will just have to work real hard to support any other ones that come along. Prayers for you and your situation.
 
Honey, I know that no matter how many of us are pulling for you at this very moment, remember the one in your corner that doles it out day by day, the strength to face what ever you have to face, and do what ever needs to be done to take this all one day at a time. Your attorney will assist you with the upcoming things of the present and the future, but the Grace of God, and the Love of His Son Jesus Christ, will make sure that when you come to a tree laying across the road of life, and the strength to move it, is gone..... Remember this.... If He brings you to it, He will take you through it. He will give you the strength that it is going to require to make it through, and the shoulder to lean on, and when you think you cannot make another step,,,, He picks you up, and carries you footprints in the sand.gif
 
Thank you Days Pretender. I'm learning how to put everything in God's hands. It is a very difficult thing to do because I'm never sure where He's waiting on me to make the decision on which path to take, but I'm making small steps in getting there.

I had to interact with him this weekend for the first time since emailing my lawyer and things were civil. I still can't stand the sight of him and am struggling with how quick my ex mother-in-law has accepted his mistress (and that really feels like too nice of a word for her). I know that he is her son, but I'm upset with how she seems to think that what they did was ok. But I have issues with his mom anyway and he is just like her so I shouldn't be all that surprised and hurt. She's one of those people who is nice to your face and will badmouth you behind your back. She's already done it with her son too. I finally got the gun back that he had bought me for Christmas. I hadn't wanted to keep it so gave it back to him (to me it felt like I was holding on to some part of him) but what I didn't know was how much that gun meant to my oldest son. He knew how much I wanted a 9mm and a .22 so he pushed his dad to get me one of them. Apparently they decided together which one to get so I had to suck it up and ask for it back. Color me surprised when I actually got it 3-4 weeks later. i'm supposed to be getting an all inclusive list of things that I want out of the divorce. It's taking me longer than I want it to b/c I'm trying to make sure that I have everything in there. Ugh I hate this whole process. But I know that with the Lord's guidance and the support from all of my family and friends (in person & online), the boys and I will get through this. Thank you all so much!
 
Don't worry, Mae. If he did it to you,he will probably do it to her. It is best you get out of that situation as soon as you can, because he is a mess. You are a strong woman and do not need a guy to make you happy, but I am sure that you can still find a betteer one if that is what you want.
 
DaysD--more likely, she will do it to him. That's what happened with my ex and the woman he cheated on me with. She ended up cheating on him in the end. Unlike your situation mae, there were no kids involved in our split...we were only married 9 months. It gets better. Just keep your head high, keep praying, and do what is right for you and your boys. Right always wins and karma is a *bleep* ( sounds like the w**** is too).
 
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