Salem's Got Talent!

Can't wait to see the 'talent' you come up with for Kate and Stephano... After all, I really don't attempted murder will go over to good with the judges. Or interferring in your children' lives.
 
Love the dialogue between Stefano and Kate... I could just imagine Stefano yelling to Kate - LUCY...You've got some 'splaining to do....
Great story Kpatch!!!
 
Awesome chapter, absolutely loved how cute Philip was with Mel. Dying to see what secret talents Stefano and Kate have.
 
Bravo.....!!! Very amusing chapter, can't wait for tomorrow....!!!
 
Chapter 7

KIRIAKIS MANSION

Philip: Melanie, there’s someone I want you to meet. This is Janice Dicks. She’s a former supermodel and longtime friend of my father. Janice, this is my wife Melanie.
Janice: What the f*** are you wearing and where are your f***ing dwarfs? Are you supposed to be f***ing Mother Goose?
Melanie: Excuse me???
Philip [whispering]: Um, Melanie, I asked Janice to help prepare you for the Next Top Runway Model contest.
Melanie [whispering]: Seriously? I’m not sure this is a good idea.
Philip [whispering]: I know she comes across as being gruff, but ...
Janice: What the f*** do you two think you’re whispering about??? I can hear you, you know!!!
Philip: As I was saying, Janice is the best.
Janice: Yes I am. I’ll f***ing whip this waif into shape in no f***ing time.
Philip: Go easy on her, Janice. Good luck, Melanie.
Melanie: Philip, wait. Don’t leave me. Where are you going?
Philip: I ... um ... I need to check my email. Um ... brush my teeth. Um ... get a haircut.
He leaves.


BRADY RESIDENCE

The doorbell rings.
Bo: I’ll get it.
Abe: Bo, have you got a minute?
Bo: Sure, man, come on in. What’s up?
Abe: There’s something I want to show you and it’s top secret.
Bo: Hang on while I activate the cone of silence. What have you got there?
Abe: It’s the new “Welcome to Salem” sign that we place at the City Limits. With the reality show extravaganza coming to Salem, our city is going to be in the limelight, so I figured we should freshen up our look.
Bo: Sounds good.
Abe: I want your honest opinion.
Bo: No problem, man. Let’s see it.
A loud noise is heard coming from the kitchen.
Abe: What the hell was that???


To be continued ...
 
Boy poor Mel. I don't think I like Janice. Most of her words I could not see as they were blanked out. I can't believe that Philip is going to get a hair cut. Ohh I would so love to see the before and after pictures.
Bo and Abe just love how they want to freshen up because of the spotlight on Salem. Wonder what Hope blew up in the kitchen. LOL Thanks for the chapter and a great start to my day. Kpatch you are great at writing.
 
Yep, sounds exactly like Janice Dickinson, the first real supermodel.

That is what I especially love about your writing... you capture the essence of the characters to a tee.....
 
LOL at "the cone of silence". Where is Agent 99? LOL.

never heard of Janice Dickinson or Janice Dicks or whatever......so you lost me there. Ah, me and my sheltered life. We all don't live in big cities. LOLOL Whoever she is, she needs a bar of soap and someone to wash her mouth out with it. :wink:
 
Chapter 8

BRADY RESIDENCE

Abe: It’s the new “Welcome to Salem” sign that we place at the City Limits. With the reality show extravaganza coming to Salem, our city is going to be in the limelight, so I figured we should freshen up our look.
Bo: Sounds good.
Abe: I want your honest opinion.
Bo: No problem, man. Let’s see it.
A loud noise is heard coming from the kitchen.
Abe: What the hell was that???
Bo: Calm down, Abe. And put your gun back in its holster. Everything is fine. It’s just Hope. She’s in the kitchen cooking.
Abe: That’s not like Hope. Is she on medication?
Bo: I don’t think so. She’s rehearsing for the Who Wants to be the Next Amateur Top Chef contest.
Abe: And what’s that putrid smell?
Bo: I think it’s grilled goat cheese.
Abe: I think I’m going to puke.
Bo: You get used to it after a while. Show me the new Welcome to Salem sign.
Abe shows the sign to Bo.

******************
Welcome to Salem
Home of Alice Horton’s World-Famous Donuts
and the Donut Hole

Population 8 million
******************

Bo: Eight million??? Since when?
Abe: It’s a typo. The proofreader missed it and it would cost too much to reprint.
Bo: I guess we can kiss our “Small-Town Charm” ad campaign good-bye.
Abe: So, what do you think of the sign?
Bo: It’s fine. It’s just that...
Abe: Just what?
Bo: It looks a little primitive. Like it was done by a 5-year old.
Abe [proudly]: It was! Theo did it.
Bo: Theo?
Abe: Because of the budget cuts, we couldn’t afford to hire a consulting firm, so I let Theo run with it.
Bo: In that case, I’d say it’s great.


THE BOARDROOM AT TITAN BROADCASTING NETWORK, NBC STUDIOS SALEM AFFILIATE

Dick Dorkay is having a pre-production meeting with Philip, Maggie, and Chris the day before the reality shows begin.

Dorkay: Do we have any outstanding issues? Maggie?
Maggie: The venue is all set.
Dorkay: Chris?
Chris: Yes indeedy, D.D.! Miss Martha Skewered has everything she needs and I am here to serve her every whim. Well, almost every whim.
Dorkay: Philip? What about Titan Broadcasting Network?
Philip: Our W-T-I-T affiliate is all set. Everything is on time and under budget.
Dorkay: Budget? Budget? Budget! Funny you should mention budget. I’ve been meaning to talk to you about taking a paycut.
Philip: What? I just signed a 4-year deal in February.
Dorkay [speaking with an accent]: Oy vay. The show should only last that long, God willing.
They all make a sign of the cross on themselves.
Dorkay, Maggie, Chris, and Philip: God willing. Amen.
Dorkay: Well Philip, we may need to renegotiate.
Philip: Look, you slimy little lying troll of a man. If you so much as suggest that I take a paycut one more time, I’m going to tell my father. And my father will be very mad. And you won’t like Victor Kiriakis when he’s mad.
Dorkay [clearing his throat]: Ahem. How is your charming father? I haven’t seen him in some time.


To be continued. Tune in tomorrow for the start of the reality show extravaganza ...
 
Wow. Love the sign saying POP 8 million Even with all us viewers I am sure it is not 8 million. So cute that Theo got to make the sign. Wish I could see it. LOL of the noise in Hope's kitchen and the smell. The whole boardroom meeting was super. Just love Dorkay. Poor Philip having to take yet another salary cut. (I know how he feels the Qubec Government wants to cut the nurse's salary as well we are in nego at the moment. So that gave me a great laugh and I sure needed it) Thanks kapatch looking forward to tomorrow and the next chapter.
 
W-T-I-T??????? I am hysterical!
 
This is my favorite chapter so far!! :clap: LOL @ Abe first telling Bo they couldn't afford to reprint the sign and then revealing that Theo made it. I guess little Theo is a shrewd negotiator - good for him! And good for Philip! Superb chapter!!!:clap:
 
Chapter 9

CHEZ ROUGE
ONSTAGE AT WHO WANTS TO BE SALEM’S NEXT TOP AMATEUR CHEF CONTEST

Chris: Live from Salem, it gives me great pleasure to introduce the hostess with the mostess, the felonebrity who just wanted to concentrate on her salad, Miss Martha Skewered.
Martha: Thank you for that most interesting introduction, Chris, and welcome, America, to the Who Wants to be the Next Top Amateur Chef competition. We gave our amateur chefs a challenge to come up with something creative for the breakfast meal. They each have one hour to make their dish. Alton Frown from the Foodie Network will do the color commentary as the amateur chefs cook ... starting NOW!
Alton: Chef Arianna is frantically searching for a spatula. Chef Hope is having trouble getting the ketchup out of the bottle. Oops, she splattered some ketchup on Chef Sami who looks very angry. But that’s normal for her. Sami, I’m told a little carbonated water will get that stain right out. Now Chef Hope is having a hard time with the settings on her toaster oven.
Hope: I don’t think this thing is on.
Alton: Check the power supply, Chef Hope. It’s not plugged in. Meanwhile, Chef Sami is struggling to open the bag inside the frosted flakes box. She’s pulling and pulling but it won’t cooperate. This is where a scissors would come in really handy. Okay, now Chef Arianna is breaking some eggs and it looks like there’s more than a little eggshell in the bowl. The judges will deduct points for that for sure.
Arianna: What should I do?
Alton: You could try using a strainer or a spoon to fish them out. Speaking of fish, Chef Sami is adding something slimy-looking to her frosted flakes mixture.
Sami: It’s gummi worms.
Alton: Three minutes left, ladies.
Hope: Oh no, my goat cheese isn’t melting!
Arianna: My eggs aren’t setting.
Sami: Dang, I forgot the milk!
<BUZZ!>
Alton: Time is up, ladies. I’d like to turn the microphone over to Martha.
Martha: Thank you Alton. Chef Brady, please describe your dish for us.
Sami and Hope both start talking at the same time.
Sami: Um ... which Chef Brady?
Martha: Samantha Brady. Are you two related?
Hope: Only by marriage.
Martha: You’re married to each other? How very progressive of you.
Sami: I made gummiflakes. It’s frosted flakes with gummi worms. My twins love it.
Martha: Thank you Chef Brady. Now, Chef Hernandez, please describe your dish for us.
Arianna: I made a Mexican Omelet using Egg Beaters and Kroger’s store-brand jarred salsa.
Martha: I thought you used fresh eggs.
Arianna: Um, there was a little mishap, so I started over.
Martha: Thank you Chef Hernandez. Now let’s talk to the other Chef Brady -- Hope Brady. What did you come up with?
Hope: I made an English Muffinza, It’s an English Muffin pizza made with ketchup and goat cheese. I grilled it in the toaster oven, because I ruined the regular pop-up toaster with the melted cheese.
Chris: Thank you Chefs! The moment we’ve been waiting for is here. Martha, please announce the winner.
Martha: I’m sorry. I can’t in good conscience hand a million dollars to any of these amateur chefs. They’re all awful.


To be continued on Tuesday, June 1st ...
 
Love the fact that Hope didn't know the toaster oven was unplugged. Leave it it Sami to make cereal for a cooking contest. And Ari what can I say.

Have a great weekend kpatch and will wait till Tueday (if I must) for the next chapter.
 
:clap: I love it! "Felonebrity"...excellent! I was totally imagining Alton Brown like on Iron Chef...you did a great job of portraying all the characters. I love how Martha thought that Sami and Hope were married and said, "how progressive of you". :rotfl:
 
Boy what a great chapter. Loved that Hope ruined the pop up toaster with the melted cheese. Loved how when Hope said she and Sami are related by marriage only that Martha thought that they were married. At least Arianna and Hope did try to make something Sami just poured cereal and gummi bears. She even forgot the milk. Loved that none of them got to go on to the next round. Thanks kpatch. Looking forword to Monday's chapter.
 
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