- Joined
- Nov 23, 2006
- Messages
- 38,695
- Reaction score
- 182,457
TOP TEN REASONS
TO LOVE (?) THE SALEM P.D.
10. FLEXIBLE HOURS
Flexible hours with a very stress free work schedule. Show up one day a year, or one month. Does not matter. You can start at any hour, leave at any time, never do reports, and never have to give an explanation of why you have not been around for weeks or months or hours or days. You do not have to wear a uniform, and unlike those sissy detectives on The District, Law & Order or other detective shows, you do not have to wear a suit, tie, etc. Anything goes.
9. JOB SECURITY Even if your DNA is no longer on record, you could be declared dead for years and still come back to a steady job, which you never have to attend. You don’t have to look like yourself , you can have amnesia, and even be 3 inches taller. Your fingerprints won’t even be compared. You can even alter your face, & still be accepted as the person you claim to be, Even when everyone in Salem thinks you are really Chris Kositchek. AND you have world-wide jurisdiction, whether you are in Italy, France, England, or on a train traveling thru Europe. Just flash that Salem badge, and you are immediately in charge.
8. STEFANO IS STILL FREE
You can kidnap many people, attempt to murder them, bury people alive, brainwash them, keep them prisoner, and still be walking around Salem with your only problem being those pesky Bradys. Evidently, when you are believed dead, your file is deleted, & when you show up again – not dead after all – Whoops! Plus why worry about being arrested when your daughter is married to the Police Commander.
7. SAFE PLACE FOR CRIMINALS
Where else can someone switch babies, switch blood type files, plant probes/listening devices/close circuit TV into anyone’s home, insert brain chips into people you want to control, and be able to steal any body right out of the morgue. You can dress up as a cop, enter the jail & break someone out of maximum security. BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS, What’re you gonna do if they come for you. Why, run to Salem, of course, where they never see thru flimsy disguises. You can wear a pencil thin mustache, or a Hitler hairdo, or just don a pair of dark sunglasses, wig, or a baseball cap purchased at Disguises "R" Us. No Salem policeman will ever recognize you or even think you look suspicious, even if you're the daughter of one of their own. Heck, the Salem P.D. will even validate your van for parking.
6. CIVILIANS GET TO STEP IN AND TAKE OVER
Especially for a big arrest! The SWAT team has a building surrounded, but cannot seem to stop just one guy from entering Dimansion. And then they politely just walk away when said super hero, Master Detective, John Black (oh, wait, he is NOT on the force) tells them to get lost (and that’s a fact!!). Makes one want to join the Salem PD as a Swat team member, just so you could SWAT Abe, Roman & Bo upside the head when they are clueless or just plain idiots, which is generally 100% of the time. In fact, the Salem PD is so clueless, they make Barney Fife look smart. One thing, their heads are not weighed down by brains. In fact, there seems to be only one communal brain in the Salem P.D. And on a warm day, it’s IQ may go up to 60.
5. ALWAYS AT THE DINER
Sorry Kate, but it's no wonder, with the yummy menu there. LOL. They down so much coffee, they must be awake for months on end. You cannot blame the department for being slack jawed idiots. Where are the two highest ranking officers? Spending most of their time at the Hudson St. Diner flirting with the waitresses. (Note: Roman has flirted with all of them – Kate, Fay, Hattie) Then again, the cops do the town a favor, keeping any possible cases of salmonella in check, just by all the food they consume there. Abe & Roman spend so much time there, Bo is forced to do all the work...must be why we have not seen much of him lately.
4. BO BRADY!!
”Best cop in Salem” (according to family) but never around. Hmmmmmmmm! Even though nearly every case involves his own family, you would rather be arrested by this oh so handsome cop, than anyone else. His wife, Hope, was a cop once upon a time, got a 6 months suspension.....and 6 years later has still not been reinstated. But was good training to go on and become a highly paid fashion model. Just as Lexie’s suspension from the force led her to become a doctor (forgot her police training pretty quickly.....cannot look at a dead body w/o screaming.) Since the town is not very big, so Bo does not have to spend a great deal of time patrolling. This is a good thing, because if he did have to do any REAL police work, he has to use his own car, b/c Salem PD does not actually have any police cars, per se.
3. JOB PERKS:Unlimited vacation time, days off, extended leaves of absence. You will be paid no matter what, your job will always be waiting for you. You can go home in middle of the day to see your baby, have sex with your wife, and immediately leave town for a getaway. You never even have to tell anyone, or arrange for someone to cover for you. Great Health Insurance. Your wife gets shot at a wedding, son falls over a ledge, new wife gives birth, special needs child with multiple surgeries and special care, counseling...no worry. You’ll never max over your yearly cap.
2. BIG SALARY
Every single cop (or ex-cop) in Salem lives in a plush mansion/house/apt., can afford to dine at Tuscany several nights a week, buy expensive engagement rings over and over again, AND can pay for elaborate funerals for their significant other every time they are declared “dead”. Picture Bo & Hope, curled up in front of their warm fireplace on a luxurious couch, looking at a photo album. “And this is the floral arrangement at your second memorial.” “Ooh, looks expensive!.....was that the time I fell in the acid, honey?” “No, that was the time the avalanche buried you alive.” “Wasn’t your other girlfriend buried alive, too?” “Yes, but she had a real coffin, love. Not the same thing at all”. “You did put the nasty man who kidnapped me behind bars, right?” “No, some deranged DiMera kid shot him for us.” “But he’s in jail, right?” “Only because an angelic talk show host tricked him into confession. We had nothing to do with it.”
And the #1 Reason to Love(?) the Salem P.D. is....
YOU NEVER HAVE TO REPORT FOR WORK!
Salem cops are at home, at the diner, in their cars,
at the park, the mall, anywhere but at work. No wonder the
Department is placing want ads like the one below in the newspaper:
EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITY
Law and Order Professionals Needed.
No experience necessary.
Are you ready to become one of Salem’s finest? We offer the highest pay of any civil service job in the country. You can buy your wife designer gowns and jewelry. Send your kids on exotic summer school trips. Eat at Salem’s swankiest restaurants.Enjoy unlimited vacation time wherein you can leave the country for an unspecified period of time with an unlimited budget, come back, spend more time with your family.
Then, once back on the job, mostly take extended lunch and coffee breaks, or hold a hospital vigil for a sick spouse or child. Work the equivalent of one month per year.
As for learning the law, don’t worry. You can make it up or even break it as you go along, in order to suit the storyline. All you need to do is learn a few simple phrases. For example, you’ll be repeating “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING” in no time. And before you know it, you’ll be using the words, “that’s a fact” in everyday conversation. Rookies welcome.
lol. Can't think of any to add right now. The Brady's Pub one took long enough. lol. THANKS again! 
- my mom never failed to mention that fact any time John was referred to as Roman - and I'm talking years and she wouldn't let it go. LOL