Facebook posts and Tweets from Salemites, Part 29

Facebook post from Horton the Tiger: Excuse me, but why am I not invited to the Horton house on Christmas Eve to hang my ornament? C'mon, Julie named me after the Horton family. Doesn't that entitle me to an invite? I haven't eaten a human in a long time, so I'm pretty sure I can restrain myself around a bunch of them in a small room. Well, except for that Greek guy. He looks pretty tasty.

Reply from Julie: Horton, darling! My mistake, my terrible, terrible mistake! Please, by all means come to dinner some evening. I'll make sure to invite Aunt Maggie and her "friend" Konstantin, and we'll see what happens. By the way, I retrieved your ornament from the basement. We'll hang it after dinner, if all goes as planned. [wink wink]

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Reply from Horton: Julie, thanks for the photo of the Greek grifter so I’d know whom to consume. On second thought, I’d best decline. This old guy looks like a walking case of severe indigestion, and at my age I have to watch what I eat.

Reply from Nicole: What gives, you’ve got an ornament for a man-eating tiger, but not one for my darling, little Pookie, who certainly rates honorary Horton status.

Reply from EJ: Don’t fret sweetheart. Those Hortons have always been a pack of two-faced hypocrites. We’ll put a Pookie ornament on the DiMera tree next year — in a place of honor, right next to Father’s.
 
Reply from Sami: Excuse me, but you'll get an ornament for that stoopid Pookie to put on the DiMera Christmas tree, but you won't get one for me?? I am, and always will be, the Queen of the DiMansion, forever and ever.

Reply from Jeannie T: Hey! If there is a Queen of the DiMansion, it should be me! My daddy built that old pile of bricks and it was Donovan Manor first.

Reply from Sami: Look, I know we're cousins, but you need to shut up and go kick rocks! And tell your stoopid dad to go back to England and eat some beans on toast like the rest of the boring Brits.

Reply from Kimberly: Samantha Gene! How dare you talk about your Uncle Shane that way??

Reply from Sami: Oh, you better shut up too, before you split into some new kinky personality.

Reply from Leo: See, I told you! Entertaining as hell! I love her. This girl is entertainment gold! She should have her own reality show on Peacock. [wink]

Reply from Sami: Finally! Someone who appreciates me!

Reply from NBC-Universal: Thanks Leo! Great shout-out for the home team. Expect a little bonus in your next paycheck.
 
Reply from NBC Universal legal department: We’d better rethink the Leo-Sami idea. The way that woman runs her mouth, we’d be faced with a deluge of defamation suits.

Reply from Sloan: Imagine all the money I’d make as the attorney representing innocent people defamed by an NBC-produced Leo-Sami show. My stolen baby (oops) could go to a top prep school, Harvard College, and Harvard Law!

Reply from Eric: And I could quit my dumb Pub job and spend my time going to Mass, saying the rosary, and attending Holy Name Society and Knights of Columbus meetings.

Reply from Roman: Dumb Pub job?? What da hell?
 
Facebook post from Ghost Lexie: To quote Roman, what da' hell??? I'm here in the afterlife, relaxing and enjoying some much needed peace and quiet, and I have to go save Abraham's new wife, that obnoxious loudmouth?? :rolleyes: And did I hear him say she's given him the happiest years of his life? I should send Demon Nick to visit him for that.
 
Facebook post from Sami: Wouldn't it be hilarious if the trampy Sydnapper's baby wasn't really dead and my stoopid bad twin's equally stoopid wife stole him from Nicole?? Talk about karma at its finest! Ha!

Reply from Marlena: Samantha Gene, what a horrid thing to say. We are all deeply saddened by the tragic loss of Nicole's son. But to suggest Eric's lovely, albeit awkward, wife stole a baby is absurd. She's a lawyer, an officer of the court. She'd never do something so heinous. Quit making up such outlandish stories and posting them on social media. We're getting ready to celebrate precious Jude's christening. How about you use your time to buy a nice gift and congratulate your brother and his wife on this joyous occasion??

Reply from Sami: Geez mom, just trying to be funny. Think about it. Nicole stole MY baby, so this would be karmatic justice. What goes around, could come around to bite a trampy Sydnapper on the butt! LOL!

Reply from Marlena: Why do I even bother??

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[Sloan reading this, pulling at her collar, looking incredibly uncomfortable]
 
Reply from Sami: By the way, what's going on with your life-ruining doodyhead coma-king husband these days?

Reply from Marlena: Sami, John's got his hands full with a crisis at the moment.

Reply from Sami: Doesn't he always? What's the doodyhead done now?

Reply from Konstantin: He killed my daughter! My beautiful, precious daughter.

Reply from Sami: For real? No surprise there. His brains have been scrambled eggs since he came to Salem. I believe it. Too bad, dude. Make sure you nail him to the wall for this. It's about time. Did you hear about how he ruined my life when he and.... [cut off]

Reply from all of Salem: SHUT UP, Sami!!

Reply from Leo: I'm telling you people, Sami is entertainment gold! :rotfl:
 
Reply from Maggie: Leo dear, don’t make the mistake of writing columns about Sami. She’s box office poison. Nobody wants to hear about her affair with EJ, her feud with John, and her low opinion of her siblings.

Reply from Sami: Hey Red, I’ve got news for you. Nobody wants to hear about how wonderful grouchy Victor was, your new friend the Greek slimeball, and your daughter the fake doctor! By the way, how many people got food poisoning eating at your greasy spoon, Chez Rouge?

Reply from Sarah: Shut up you awful screecher. If you keep saying unkind things to my mother, I’ll have my handsome husband break you in half like a dry twig.

Reply from Sami: Bring it on you quack. Mess with me, and I’ll strangle you with your own stethoscope!

Reply from Marlena: Sami dear, please don’t threaten others. It’s so unpleasant.

Reply Mom: Sorry, Mom, but if they mess with me I’ve got to respond. After all, I’m Sami Brady!
 
Facebook post from Sami: I still can't believe Eric is a dad, to a baby, at that. He's old enough to be a Grandpa, like decrepit old Granny Hope. Loser!

Reply from Eric: Did you hit your head and forget we are TWINS, meaning we are the same age?? Besides, you have two grandchildren, which makes you a Granny.

Reply from Sami: Excuse me, but I think I'd remember having grandchildren, which I clearly don't. I'm not nearly old enough to be a granny, like the crypt keeper Hope, or that old hag, Kate. I'm very young and truly radiant. None of my beautiful children, Kourtney, Kim, Khloe, Krobert, Kendall, Kylie, Krispy or Kreme have children. They know better than to try and age me with grandkids. The math ain't mathing. Why are you so stoopid??

Reply from John: Son, I know I have my hands full at the moment, but just ignore your sister. It's not worth arguing with her.

Reply from Sami: It's a miracle! The life-ruining doodyhead finally makes sense! Score one for the coma king! By the way, are you still whining about killing that Greek dude's daughter? Shouldn't you be in prison by now? I need to call my Rafe to make that happen. Then maybe mom will get back together with daddy.

Reply from Marlena: Samantha Gene! Stop being so unkind to your family. John is tormented by the thought that he may have taken an innocent life. And did you forget that your dad is married to Kate now? They're very happy together.

Reply from Sami: Big whoop. Eric's stoopid wife can get that marriage dissolved in no time flat. Let her earn her keep in this family.

Reply from Marlena: Why do I even bother? Sigh.

Reply from Leo: Hey Sami, call me! I think we'd be great at writing a column together. Or maybe doing a podcast! How about a reality show on Peacock? [wink] I want to hear more about that Titan conference room table.

Reply from everybody in Salem: NO!
 
Reply from Justin: Leo, you should reconsider doing any projects with Sami. The way she runs her mouth about people, they’d be one libel suit after another, which would surely displease Chad and the dork with the beard. They’d probably drop your column in a Salem second.

Reply from Leo: Thanks. The last thing I need is to land in court. Judges and juries would hate my style.

Reply from Sami: No column?! No projects?! I HATE all you doodyheads! You’re worse than Swiss-cheese brain John Black!
 
Facebook post from Sami: I just want to say how much I love my mom and daddy, John and Kate, Eric, Carrie, Belle, Cassie, Rex, Brady and Paul, Austin, Billie, Lucas and Philip, as well as Will, Sonny, Johnny, Chanel, Allie, Sydney, Arianna Grace and Henry, oh, and Sloan, Jude, Noah, Claire, Emily, Tate and Rachel. You all mean so much to me and I wouldn't be who I am today without all of your love and support through the years.

Reply from Carrie: Aren't you a few days late for April Fools' Day?

Reply from Eric: OK, what are you up to now??

Reply from Belle: This is the funniest thing I've seen in days! Thanks for laugh!

Reply from Marlena: Sami, this isn't funny. We have our hands full at the moment and don't have time for your ridiculous games.

Reply from Roman: Dammit Sami! Have you been kidnapped and you're trying to signal us?

Reply from Kate: Have you started drinking?

Reply from Johnny: If I didn't know better, I'd think she got a batch of Chanel's tainted biscuits.

Reply from Allie: I think someone roofied mom.

Reply from Cassie: Wait, what? You remember who I am?

Reply from Rex: Sami, you should probably go to the nearest emergency room and ask them to check you for a stroke.

Reply from Sami: What da' hell?? Obviously someone hacked my account. There is no way I'd ever say such stoopid things about any of you doodyheads. You can all go kick rocks.

Reply from John: Yeah, that's more like it.
 
Reply from Sami: Shut up you doodyheaded life-ruiner. Shouldn’t you be wailing and howling about killing some girl while you were a Stefano pawn?

Reply from Marlena: Sami dear, don’t say mean things to John. He has lots of things to deal with now.

Reply from Sami: That’s his problem. He’s always got “issues.” His life is one big soap opera.

Reply from Eric: Please Sami, show some Christian charity toward poor John.

Reply from Sami: You’re a fine one to talk. What was Christian about your Kristen sex tape? What’s Christian about your tawdry relationship with the shyster lawyer?

Reply from Eric: I’m praying for you, Sami.

Reply from Kate: I’m praying too — for Sami to never return to Salem.

Reply from Nicole: Me too.

Reply from Sami: Shut up. I HATE you all!!
 
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Facebook post from Doll-in-Blanket: Excuse me, but what is going on here? Now I'm not even being used, in favor of some sound effect to play Jude and Victoria? Are you kidding me???

Reply from Don Craig: Hey kid, at least they didn't send you to mail your income taxes.

Reply from Neil Curtis: Does anyone care that I went off to do rounds and was never seen again?

Reply from Alex: Look doll, at least you know you'll be used again at some point. I'm holding my breath. If they get rid of me, I might have to beg them to have me back as Victor's unknown triplets, Huey, Dewey and Louie. Or Stefano's surprise triplets, Snap, Crackle and Pop.

Reply from Marlena: I'm afraid one day they'll replace me with my own twin sister.

Reply from Spencer: Oh boo hoo. I was only mentioned once, by my Aunt Julie. At least you get actual screen time.

Reply from Rory: I should be upset about not being seen, but honestly kid, I'm way too mellow to care. PS: Happy 4/20 Day! Party on!

Reply from Tek Kramer: I wish someone would come and look for me. It's lonely out here.

Reply from Horton the tiger: All of you need to quit whining. I was a prominent member of Salem for a hot minute, now no one ever mentions me. By the way, I'm still around. You should all be more careful while you're out and about. ROAR!
 
Reply from Everett/Bobby: How about me? I was cast as a dork whose personal shortcomings eventually got him killed. Now I’m back as another dork with problems. Can’t a guy catch a break?

Reply from Gus: What about me? I was Madame’s dedicated personal assistant until they turned me into a criminal and sent me to prison. Madame then ran off with that phony Ivan and never thought of me again. There is no justice in this life.

Reply from Ian McAllister: I’m another victim of injustice. I was a brilliant, silver haired business executive who got the full Salem treatment. First, they made me look bad by having me mess with Victor. Then I landed in prison for plotting against the DiMeras and kidnapping Stefano. Is that even a crime? I deserved a parade, not prison time!

Reply from Anne Milbauer: I was the feisty woman who dared to assert myself against sleeveless Jenny and horn dog Jonas. Then the wretched writers had me quit my great hospital job for no good reason to work at the sorry Spectator before vanishing. Salem needs me back now. I could put annoying people like noisy Paulina, cookie-baking Chanel, lovelorn Stephanie, and angry Jada in their places.
 
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Reply from Tek Kramer: I wish someone would come and look for me. It's lonely out here.
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What happened to Tek. Where is he that they need someone to look for him?
 
Tek & Abe's wife Lexie were having an affair. Abe found out, but did not have grounds to fire Tek from the cop shop. Tek & Lexie continued the affair, & during one of their meeting times, Tek saw John being shot.......but figured if he reported his info to Abe, there would be trouble for Lexie. However, She said she will say it was her, and give Tek's info as hers. Tek left town, went on the run. And this was a lot of years ago.
 
Reply from Leo: Poirot, do tell more. My readers would love tasty dirt on the former mayor and his sainted wife. And imagine the bellowing from our current mayor if she learned some seamier details about her beloved Abraham. By the way, do you have anything to confirm that Abe was willing to cheat to beat EJ in a mayoral election?

Reply from Chad: Forget it, Leo. There are some subjects the paper won’t touch.

Reply from Xander: Amen. It wouldn’t help my quest for respectability if the Spectator got Abe fans furious at me for digging into sensitive areas of his past.

Reply from Leo: Alas, Am I the only crusader for full disclosure left in this town?
 
Facebook post from Sami: Here it is, Mother's Day, and not a single one of my children has called me or sent any flowers. Ungrateful brats.

Reply from Will: Maybe if you even knew our correct names, we might be willing to "honor" you today.

Reply from Sami: What are you talking about??? I know you, Kate, Harry, Meghan, George, Charlotte, Louis, Archie and Lilibet are my kids. Why are you acting like I don't know your names??

Reply from Will: Grandma, can you help me out here?

Reply from Marlena: Honey, I'd love to jump in on this, but I'm kind of tied up at the moment with a con man.

Reply from Sami: MOM! You've finally come to your senses about John??? After all these years you finally see him as the stoopid con man he truly is? I'm so happy! Does this mean you're gonna get back together with Daddy?!! :)

Reply from Marlena: :rolleyes: [sigh]
 
Reply from Konstantin: Samantha darling, you are so right about John. And he’s not only a con man, he’s also a murderer.

Reply from Sami: You’re right. He murdered my life by climbing onto a tabletop with Mom.

Reply from Konstantin: Ah, so we are both victims of John. I’m about to be married to Maggie, but when she inevitably expires, might you be interested in a romantic relationship that leads to matrimony? I am a older, handsome, refined Greek gentleman with a zest for life.

Reply from Sami: Take a hike grandpa. I didn’t work hard to get my DiMera millions to share it with some bargain basement version of Victor.

Reply from Will: Let’s give Mom some credit, she can take care of herself.
 
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