Harold and Henderson, et al - Backstairs Gossip

Harold: OMG, I'd forgotten what an inflated ego Mr. EJ has. And without Mr. Stefano around to keep him grounded, he's truly insufferable.

Henderson: Speaking of insufferable, Mr. Philip now visibly drools at the sight of Ms. Chloe. It's like he's trying to reinact the late Dr. Daniel drooling over hotties in hospital gowns.

Harold: Yuck, but I'd rather see Philip drool than always having to pick up Mr. EJ's dirty socks. The Shins should know that Mr. Big Shot can't even clean up after himself.

Henderson: And Mr. Victor should know that his son is making a fool over himself over the diva, a woman whom he loves to hate. Even now, he loves to get off biting one-liners about her.

Harold: At least Mr. Victor can be funny. There's nothing the least bit amusing over Ms. Kate stabbing Mr. Jake in the back, smug Mr. EJ's plottings to take over the company, Mr. Chad moaning over the loss of Ms. Abigail, or Ms. Gabi's angry outbursts. All this negativity really gets me down.

Henderson: Let's try for some positive thoughts. Let's head over to the Town Square and Pub. With any luck we might see Commissioner Rafe beat up Mr. EJ again, Mr. Roman tossing him out of the Pub, Ms. Samantha squawking at him for some reason, Mr. Lucas calling him clever names, or school children calling him a mummy.

Harold: Let's. Mr. EJ may be a big deal inside the mansion, but in the rest of Salem his name is dirt.
 
DrBakerFan said:
Henderson: Let's try for some positive thoughts. Let's head over to the Town Square and Pub. With any luck we might see Commissioner Rafe beat up Mr. EJ again, Mr. Roman tossing him out of the Pub, Ms. Samantha squawking at him for some reason, Mr. Lucas calling him clever names, or school children calling him a mummy.
Click to expand...
:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
 
Harold and Henderson have bravely endured the latest Salem nonsense and are now sharing dirt.

Harold: Woe is me. Mr. EJ is back and he's worse than ever. Being a mummy has had a very bad effect on his personality. He always was a creep, but now he's just plain nasty.

Henderson: Our own problem child here is Mr. Philip. All he does he lust for Ms. Chloe and rant against his rival, Mr, Brady. He's so fixated on those two that he's forgotten that he's supposed to be running Titan.

Harold: Speaking of problem children, we have now been blessed by the presence of Johnny DiMera. He used to be a cute tot with a glass eye, but now he's a self-styled ladies man with delusions of becoming a film producer.

Henderson: Speaking of delusions, Mr. Justin now seems to think that he can live happily ever after with Bonnie Lockhart, a notion that caused Mr. Victor to knock over furniture and toss food all over the living room. What a mess. i hadn't seen such a show since Leo Stark was trying to blackmail Mr. Sonny.

Harold: A dignified gentleman like Mr. Victor starting a food fight? That sounds like a new low for your mansion.

Henderson; No quite. Some vulgar creature named Calista, who knows Ms. Bonnie, showed up her yesterday. She had a nasty mouth and seems to think that she can still wear tight dresses at her age. Ms. Gabi, who knows all about tight clothing, would have been appalled by her look.

Harold: If this awful Calista hasn't caused you to lose your appetite, we could head for the pub, enjoy some chowder, and listen to Mr. Roman carry on about poor Mr. Xander and speculate about what's happened to his problem daughter, Ms. Samantha.
 
Henderson: This have gone from bad to worse here. Mr. Philip inexplicably once demanded a saw. He also raves about Mr. Brady getting too chummy with Ms. Chloe. Then, there's Mr. Victor who can't stop loudly complaining about Mr. Justin marrying Ms. Lockhart.

Harold: That sounds pretty bad. Here, we have Ms. Abigail constantly trashing the downtrodden Ms. Gwen and Mr. EJ going off on one thing or another.

Henderson: On the upside, Ms. Maggie is finally back. Mr. Victor is more bearable now that he's getting his daily ration of her lemon bars.

Harold: Sadly, there's no upside here. Mr. EJ has even set his sights on ex-wife Ms. Walker. I certainly hope that their relationship doesn't go anywhere. I dread the thought of once again have to sanitize the living room couch after tacky trysts.

Henderson: We did get lucky during the zombie invasion. I feared that kindly Ms. Maggie would invite the undead Mr. Nick to move back in or that the deceased Mr. Deimos would turn up and start playing the piano. The last thing I would have needed was having to clean up after somebody who's just crawled out of a grave.

Harold: Luckily we had no contact with those two or with Zombie Mr. Dale. I did fear that Zombie Mr. Andre or Zombie Mr. Stefano would appear, but they didn't show.

Henderson: So the Phoenix didn't rise. Lucky you. Let's go toast our zombie good fortune with a few beers at the Pub. Maybe Mr. Roman will have a few good zombie stories of his own.
 
Harold: OMG, do I really need a stiff drink at the Pub. Mr. Chad changed his trial testimony so Mr. EJ would go to jail for kidnapping of Samantha.

Henderson: Why would he do this?

Harold: He says he saw EJ putting the moves on Ms. Abigail.

Henderson: Did he really do this? It seems like awfully poor judgment.

Harold: Who knows. With all the possession and mask nonsense happening, you can't trust what's before your eyes. But I am sure that Mr. Johnny dumped his new bride at the wedding reception, which caused a real uproar. This has to be the shortest DiMera marriage in history.

Henderson: Things here are much calmer. Mr. Victor is licking his chops over some plan for him to take over DIMera Enterprises and Brady was actually nice to Mr. Xander.

Harold: It's about time Mr. Xander got a break, but let's get those drinks. I really, really need one.
 
Last edited:
DrBakerFan said:
Baby Henry's teddy bear, now known as Patchy Bear, has joined the Harold-Henderson gripeathon.
View attachment 6230
Patchy Bear: Woe is me. Listening to Baby Henry cry was bad enough, but now that his screechy Granny is in town, things are unbearable.

Harold: Speaking of the unbearable, all Ms. Abigail does these days is howl about how Ms. Gwen supposed murdered her beloved Granny.

Henderson: That woman? I've heard about her. By all reports, she was unbearable.

Patchy Bear: So is Allie whining about how she's wasting her youth caring for a baby and ranting against poor, dead Charlie.

Harold: Speaking of rants, Ms. Kate does little but rant about that little sneak, Ms. Gabi, for having her eye on Mr. Jake.

Henderson: And Mr. Xander is doing his share of ranting about Ms. Sarah and that dopey dullard Dr. Rexy -- especially when he's had one too many, which is now most of the time.

Patchy Bear: You ought to hear Nicole go off on Eric for leaving his family to go to Africa. When she gets really mad, she even calls him the Fallen Father Eric.

Henderson: Let's face it, people in Salem often do little but complain. Mr. Victor gets labeled a grouch, but he does have a lot of company.

Harold: Let's forget the whiners, gripers, and squawkers and head over to the Pub. I hear Roman is giving a discount to anyone who brings along a teddy bear.
Click to expand...
If Patchy Bear joined, does that mean Duke and BigDuke can join in too?
 
Harold: The impossible has happened: Mr. Elvis has actually gone to jail!! Mr. Stefano must be spinning in his grave. Of course, if the past is any predictor of the future, Mr. Elvis will be out soon. In the meantime, I'm sending him CARE packages so he can live a proper DiMera lifestyle although he's behind bars.

Henderson: Things must be peaceful with Mr. EJ gone, just like things have calmed down here since Mr. Philip vanished.

Harold: Not a chance. The awful Ms. Gabi is back, having sold out Mr. Jake and then manipulating her way into the DiMera CEO position by getting the Shins to dump Mr. Chad. Now, Mr. Chad, Mr. Jake, and the diabolical Ms. Kate are scheming overtime to bring her down -- way down.

Henderson: That sounds like a super-toxic atmosphere, just like it was here when Mr. Philip was battling Mr. Xander and Mr. Brady.

Harold: Mr. Philip's battles were nothing compared to what's going on here. Anything could happen! I've taken to wearing a Kevlar vest just in case the bullets start flying!

Henderson: You really need a break. Let's go the Pub for some cold ones. While we're there we can ask ex-cop Mr. Roman about what you should do if the bullets start flying around the DiMansion.
 
Henderson: OMG, did I ever dodge a bullet here. I let Leo Stark in with one of those fruit bouquets and shortly thereafter, Mr. Sonny collapsed on the rug. Fortunately, the cause turned out to be tainted cookies Leo had sent him earlier.

Harold: I feel your pain. I too could have been in deep trouble when Mr. EJ discovered that a bottle of his best scotch had been drained. Luckily, he realized that the culprit was that creepy ex-convict, Clyde Weston.

Henderson: Things here are also going rapidly downhill. The big-mouthed Ms. Sarah is back ranting against poor Mr. Xander and Mr. Victor is still furious over Mr. Philip's vanishing act.

Harold: Bad humor is also the order of the day here. Mr. Chad and Mr. EJ are in a major snit because crazy Ms. Kristen spitefully torpedoed their effort to oust the usurping Ms. Gabi and restore Mr. EJ to his rightful place as CEO.

Henderson: Nothing like that could happen here. When it comes to who's CEO of Titan, Mr. Victor's word is law. Unfortunately, he keeps changing his mind or is undone by the failings of his family members.

Harold: You're lucky to have Mr. Victor despite the fact that he's a grouch. At least you know who's in ultimate charge like it was here when M,. Stefano was in complete control.

Henderson: Oh well. let's forget the failings or our employers and head for the Pub for a few cold ones. Father Eric could be there arguing with somebody, which might provide us with a chance to see his trademarked hurt look.
 
Henderson: Woe is me. My good luck has finally run out. Mr. Sonny's brother, the loutish Mr. Alexander, has moved in. This guy thinks that it's perfectly all right to parade around the living room sopping wet and then sit on Mr. Victor's fine furniture. Do you have any tips on removing water stains?

Harold: I feel your pain. I don't have tips on water stains, but I can tell just what do if this loutish Alexander defiles the furniture by satisfying his tacky sex drive on top of it. Over the years, I became an expert at sanitizing the couch after Mr. EJ and Ms. Samantha were finished indulging in their raging. uncontrollable, insatiable lust.

Henderson: Thanks. Nothing sends Mr. Victor into a rage more than his fine furniture being tainted.

Harold: Speaking of surprise guests. Mr. EJ has invited crime queen Ava Vitali to live here. I hope that she's quit her criminal ways. The last thing we need is Rafe Hernandez and his clueless cops tramping around the house, investigating a mob hit.

Henderson: Don't you just hate new people moving in. I live in constant fear that Mr. Xander will come back and bring his baby-talking true love, Ms. Sarah, with him.

Harold: My worry is that that Mr. Stefan O. or Mr. Andre will come back to life and move in.

Henderson: Don't fret. It can't happen. That's far-fetched even by Salem standards. Let's head over to the Pub for some tasty chowder. We might just get to see Commissioner Rafe arrest somebody or beat them up the way he once did to Mr. EJ.
 
Last edited:
DrBakerFan said:
We might just get to see Commissioner Rafe arrest somebody or beat them up the way he once did to Mr. EJ.
Click to expand...
In case anyone would like to enjoy that scene again, here's the thread with the Rafe and EJ fight. Love John and Lucas on the sideline, cracking jokes.

Rafe and EJ fight (2012)

For those who greatly enjoyed Rafe and EJ's fight in Horton Town Square back in September of 2012, I found the clip. The best part of the scene was John and Lucas watching/commenting.
www.salemspectator.com
 
Harold: As you may have heard, we now have a member of the living dead here at the mansion, Mr. Stefan O.

Henderson: I trust that he doesn't look like one of the zombies in Michael Jackson's Thriller.

Harold: He's as spiffy as ever in his expensive suits. He doesn't make a mess and best of all he's no long trysting with his beloved alter, Gabby.

Henderson: I wish I could be positive about our latest addition, Mr. Alex. He's a real slob (worse than Mr. Xander ever was) who's always blathering on about his love life.

Harold: Don't mention love lives. It reminds me of when I was always having to sanitize the living room couch after Mr. EJ and Samantha Brady used it for one of their tacky trysts.

Henderson: Sorry about that, but I must add that Mr. Alex's love life is purely a creature of his imagination. In reality, women run the other way when they see him coming.

Harold: I wish Mr. EJ's business ambitions were purely imaginative. He's always ranting and raving about his next plot to oust Gabi Hernandez as CEO of DiMera. He used to obsess about Samantha and now it's nothing but getting his old job back.

Henderson: Over here, all Mr. Victor talks about are Ms. Maggie's lemon bars, but let's forget our employers' foibles and head for the Pub for some garbage can nachos before people learn that Clyde is now gone, and it gets busy again.
 
Henderson: It’s deja vu all over again at the K-Mansion. The outrageous Mr. Leo and his creative jammies are back, making Mr. Victor grouchier than ever and prompting Mr Will to stalk out right after he arrived.

Reply from Harold: We’ve had some turnover here too, but it’s positive. Awful Ava is gone for good and former resident, Ms. Nicole Walker, is back.

Reply from Henderson: Isn’t she married to Commissioner Hernandez?

Reply from Harold: I think so, but in Salem, marital status changes all the time.

Reply from Henderson: Anything new about Mr. EJ’s mother?

Reply from Harold: She’s still supposed to be dead, but I’m keeping her room available. In Salem, the dead often don’t stay that way.

Reply from Henderson: Salem, land of the undead and magic sarcophaguses. What a place.

Reply from Harold: Ain’t that the truth. Over here, the formerly deceased Mr. Stefan O. is romancing Chloe Lane.

Reply from Henderson. It’s too much, but let's forget zombies, ghosts, and ghouls and go check out Roman’s Christmas Week specials at the Pub.
 
Last edited:
Harold: I’m so nervous. Ever since I learned that the disgusting Megan Hathaway might be back, I’ve been worried that she might come to the mansion like other problem DiMeras.

Reply from Henderson: OMG, that would be like having a spraying tomcat wetting all over the house.

Reply from Harold: Or a Newfoundland dog that isn’t housebroken.

Reply from Henderson: Our own tomcat, Mr. Alex, is sill leaving his socks and underwear everywhere. Ms. Maggie just can’t housebreak him.

Reply from Harold: At least he isn’t defiling the couch the way Mr. EJ did when he was lusting after Samantha. I went through gallons of Lysol, repeatedly trying to make the couch fit for polite company.

Reply from Henderson: Actually, things have quieted down here. Mr. Sonny has decamped for New Zealand with Mr. Will, meaning there will no longer be angry rants about Leo Stark.

Reply from Harold: Things could be boiling over here soon. There’s a rumor that Mr. Stefan drugged Mr. EJ to make him look bad to old Mr. Shin.

Reply from Henderson: Ouch. Let’s forget our mansions and go to the Pub where we can have a beer and listen to Mr. Roman talk to Ms. Kate’s urn.
 
DrBakerFan said:
Reply from Henderson: Ouch. Let’s forget our mansions and go to the Pub where we can have a beer and listen to Mr. Roman talk to Ms. Kate’s urn.
Click to expand...

Reply from Harold: Let's not, for some reason whenever we go there lately I have a strange urge for goat. Let's try the new tiny club, I bet they have the latest IPA's
 
Harold: Have you heard the latest? That hole-in-the-wall bakery in the Town Square was selling biscuits that turned already overheated Salemites into regular sex fiends.

Henderson. It’s hard to believe that oversexed Salemites could get worse. As my sainted mother would say, they’ve already got the morals of an alley cat.

Harold: One of the worst offenders was Nicole Walker who wasted no time in leaping into bed with sad sack Eric.

Henderson: This will surely displease Mr. EJ who thought his latest fling with her was the real deal.

Harold: He’ll be steamed all right. Did you know that another participant was D.A. Trask?

Henderson: That icy woman has a sex drive? Who knew?

Harold: We’re living in strange days indeed. Are you up for a trip to the Pub? We probably can watch Eric moping over his latest moral failure.

Henderson: I’d rather dive into a bowl of chowder, but I won’t object to seeing the fallen father dissolve into a puddle of tears.
 
Harold: Joy to the world. The horrrid Megan is gone, gone, gone. Having her here was giving me an ulcer.

Henderson: I know how you feel. We’ve just gotten rid of that immature slob Alex. You wouldn’t believe the mess in the bathroom after he showered. God help anyone who lets him shower at their place.

Harold: I’ve gotten another break. Mr EJ and Mr. Stefan have agreed on a truce. I was afraid that I’d soon have to clean bloodstains off the rug.

Henderson: I had the same fears when Mr. Deimos was here. Luckily, when he was murdered it wasn’t here at the mansion.

Harold: I just hate those clean-ups. What messes I had to deal with when Ms. Sami shot Mr. EJ in the head; when somebody shot Mr Stefano’s body double, and when Mr. Bart was run through with a sword.

Henderson: Speaking of clean-ups, with Ms. Maggie running Titan, she has no time to make lemon bars. What a mess that process makes.

Harold: I’m lucky in that regard. No DiMera even knows how to boil water.

Henderson: Speaking of food preparation, let’s head for the Pub and enjoy some garbage can nachos.

Harold: Good idea. Maybe we’ll get to hear Ms. Kate talk about her adventures chopping fish.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top