Faux spoilers, part 8

Hoping to wrap up the awful Eric-Sarah-Rexy and Gabi-Stefan plots in a way that might please the viewers for a change, TPTB float some alternative spoilers.

Rexy catches Sarah in bed again with a grinning Xander. He goes back to Chicago in a huff.

Fed up with Sarah's endless blathering, Maggie suddenly says, "Oh shut up!" An offended Sarah leaves the K-mansion, quits her job, and goes back to Chicago.

Mimi Lockhart returns to Salem with her Rexy baby. Unable to live in the same town with them, Sarah flees back to Chicago.

Maggie overhears Sarah repeating some juicy, unflattering gossip about the late Dr. Daniel Jonas, and calling him an "eggbaby" in derisive terms. Outraged, she asks Victor to toss Sarah out of the K-mansion.

Badly in need of an uplift after all her heartbreak, Nicole dumps sourpuss Eric saying that staying with him is a sure road to clinical depression.

Thrilled that Stefan has agreed to marry her, Gabi is then shocked and disappointed to learn that a prenuptial agreement would leave her with only minimal alimony should they divorce. She storms out of the DiMansion and moves on to other silly schemes.
 
Hearing that the viewers aren't too thrilled with Kristen's latest return, TPTB try to placate the audience by floating possible scenarios for Kristen's demise.

She throws another tantrum at the Salem Inn, smashing furniture and glassware. Security arrives and a struggle ensues. Kristen accidently falls out the window to her death. Roman and John happen to be on the scene. Roman reacts by saying: "What da hell?" John checks Kristen's vital signs and then says, "she's dead. That's a fact."

Kate has had enough of Kristen and decides to make doubly sure that she will be gone forever. Seeing Kristen approach the nurses station, Kate leaves out a plate of poisoned brownies. Kristen scarfs down several and then staggers into the elevator. Tampered with by Kate, it plunges to the basement, causing Kristen's demise. Mayor Jack's inept administration never bothers to investigate the cause of the elevator's fatal plunge.

Kristen enters Doug's Place as Chloe is attempting to prove to Brady that she can break a glass with a high note. Chloe then hits just the right note causing both the glass and Kristen's head to explode. When Rex and Sarah enter the Club, they puzzle over whether to declare Kristen dead without the hospital's usual "tests."

Kristen goes to the Pub where Anne Milbauer is enjoying happy hour. Kristen foolishly challenges Anne to a drinking contest. Tossing back drink after drink, she dies of alcohol poisoning before Anne even starts to feel a buzz. When the manner of Kristen's demise is reported, Anne becomes a civic hero.

Kristen wanders deep into the labyrinth that is the DiMera tunnels looking for new rooms in which to hold future captives. She gets hopelessly lost and eventually succumbs to hunger and thirst. Her bones are discovered many years later when Stefan O. DiMera IV has the tunnels renovated so they can be visited by tour groups.
 
Realizing that the viewers are heartily sick of the Eric-Sarah plot, TPTB try to come up with some twists.

Eric is overjoyed when the real Nicole returns to Salem, but is crushed to hear that she believes that Holly needs a step-father who has a real, paying job -- somebody like Brady.

Realizing at last that Eric is a dud, Sarah gets Kristen's old Nicole mask, puts it on, and heads for Brady's bedroom.

Finally deciding that Eric is a loser, Sarah opts for an affair with Xander because she knows that he's the only man in Salem who practices safe sex. (Recall that when he was looking for round two with Sarah, Xander dropped a pile of condoms on the bed.)

Hoping to help Stefan Zero by stealing Titan secrets, Gabi decides to make a play for gullible Brady. A traffic jam ensues when Nicole, Sarah, and Gabi simultaneously arrive at Brady's bedroom door after lights out at the K-Mansion.
 
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Realizing the many Days fans aren't too pleased with the recast of Vivian, TPTB try to placate them with possible ways for Viv to take an early exit.

Gus returns to Salem and Vivian, who's ashamed to face him after her total neglect of their former relationship, flees Salem. As Gus sees her vanishing in the distance, he plaintively calls out, "Madam."

After a heated conversation with Mr. Shin, Viv decides that her darling son, Stefan Zero, really is the complete loser that everyone says he is. She decides sticking around Salem to help him isn't worth the effort.

Viv bumps into Victor in the Town Square and gets hit with a barrage of nasty, creative one-liners. Since she's also catching high-volume grief from Gabi and dirty looks from Harold, Vivian decides that, at her age, she just doesn't need all this abuse, packs her bags, and leaves town.

Decidedly unhappy about the return of his old enemy, Vivian, Brady sends her a postcard of the Kiriakis mausoleum. Viv takes the hint and leaves Salem.

Viv wanders into the DiMansion tunnels, gets lost, and is never seen again.
 
Realizing that the viewers detest the Kristen-Brady plot, TPTB float some alternative spoilers that present different ways to quickly end the hated story-line.

On a dark and rainy night, Jordan is driving around Salem hoping for another chance to run down Ciara. She erroneously runs down Kristen.

Over at the DiMansion, Gabi overhears Kristen telling Kate that she's glad that Stefan Zero is dead. An enraged Gabi pushes her down the stairs.

While on patrol, Lani thinks she sees one of the demon goats from the Greek island where she was once marooned. Feeling threatened, the terrified Lani shoots at the goat, misses, and hits Kristen.

Disgusted by Brady's relationship with Kristen, Victor tells Xander that if he gets rid of her, the Titan CEO position is his. The X-Man eagerly takes the assignment thinking that if he becomes CEO, Sarah will be his at last.

Kristen is stricken with a mystery illness that leaves her in a coma. While she's at University Hospital, the inept staff mistake her for the donor for Kayla's latest heart transplant.
 
Realizing that large number of viewers think sourpuss Eric is a waste of screen time, TPTB float some new alternative personas for him.

Lizard King Eric: As the Lizard King, Eric replaces Rory as Salem's leading stoner and becomes a very popular figure among Salem's recreational drug users.

Playboy Eric: Eric becomes Salem's latter-day Hugh Hefner who while wearing his silk, monogramed smoking jacket hosts sophisticated parties for in-crowd swingers and pseudointellectuals at his posh penthouse.

Mondo Eric: Party-time Eric becomes a trendy, edgy rap singer who rules the late-night Salem bar and nightclub scene.

Salem Whiz: Evildoers beware. Eric becomes a caped superhero who flies high over Salem daily looking for widows, orphans, and others who are in distress, as well as members of Salem's criminal classes who are plying their trade.

Hardboiled Eric: Wearing a fedora and trench-coat, and with a cigar clamped between his teeth, Eric becomes a tough-talking private detective who aids hot young women who are having trouble with their husbands, fiances, ex-lovers, boyfriends, bosses, etc.
 
Thinking that Days viewers simply love resurrections, TPTB float some possible returns.

Dr. Trent Robbins: His return horrifies ex-wife Nicole and causes Eric to look even more unhappy than ever. Julie and her new heart are infuriated when Trent says that Nick Fallon was vastly overrated as a science genius.

Nick Fallon: Julie is overjoyed at his sudden reappearance, but begins to fret when the real Nick doesn't measure up to her idealized version. Gabi is so disturbed by Nick's return that she forgets all about her loony revenge plot against Lani.

Bo Brady: Salemites are overjoyed by Bo's return, but when told that that Hope has turned into Princess Gina yet again, he says "OMG, this is so tiresome." He then calls Carly seeking to renew his relationship with her and her polka-dot bra.

Dr. Daniel Jonas: Eric gets a taste of his own medicine as Nicole instantly dumps him for the manly Love Doctor. Meanwhile, Brady and Kristen worry that Dr. DanTan will want his heart back.

Andre DiMera: Andre crawls out of his crypt on Halloween, angering Kristen who suddenly has another rival for the leadership of DiMera. When he seeks to renew his marriage with Kate, she waves his death certificate in his face and says: "Sorry, but this ended our sham marriage. Go take a hike."

Yo-Daddy: He too returns on Halloween, this time as a full-fledged vampire complete with fangs and a cape. He immediately seeks out John and Brady wanting to drink their blood.
 
To shake up things for the holidays, Rolf invents a new game called "Essence, Essence, Who's Got the Essence" in which he implants various Salemites' essence into others. For example:

Maggie's essence into John, who now runs around in a ruffled blouse and spends hours in the kitchen making tasty home-baked treats for his loved ones.

Roman's essence into Rory, who often utters "What da' hell????" when he enjoys some herbal refreshment.

Dead Bo's essence into Julie, who now breaks into homes to get incriminating evidence to help "Hope" arrest criminals.

Sami's essence into Marlena, who starts calling John a stoopid doodyhead and tells him how he ruined her life when they had sex on the Titan conference room table. Bonus feature, she forgets the names of her children.

Kate's essence into Abe, who starts wearing lots of leopard print clothing, 10 pounds of jangly clangy jewelry and does a blue streak through his hair.

Oscar the Grouch's essence into Eric: no one notices any difference.
 
Just Samantha said:
Oscar the Grouch's essence into Eric: no one notices any difference.
Click to expand...
:rotfl::rotfl:
Nathan's essence into JJ: He starts falling in "true love" with every other girl he meets.
Daniel's essence into Ciara: She becomes a world-class surgeon, dumps Ben, and starts bedding female patients.
Sarah's essence into Lucas: He's in every story, and makes Sami jealous by constantly pining after Eric.
 
Realizing that what they thought was their brilliant Steve-ano story line is laying an egg, the writers attempt to placate the viewers with possible endings.

Hope snaps out of her Gina persona and Kate flees back to her waitress job as Steve-ano slinks off into a DiMera tunnel never to be seen again.

Kayla confronts Steve-ano, slaps him across the face, and says: "Steve Johnson stop this nonsense immediately!" The real Steve, whose real personality was buried under that of the Phoenix, instantly takes over while the essence of Stefano floats off into the ether.

Stefano finds living in Steve's body a decidedly second-rate experience (no gravitas and air of authority) and tells Rolf to create a new bodily host that actually looks like his old self.

Hearing that Stefano is lurking in a Salem warehouse, a worried Gabi rushes over there to check things out. After getting inside, she breaks out in laughter at the sight of a bearded "Steve Johnson" in a tux. A disgusted Stefano then decides to return to the Maison Blanche in the sky until Rolf can come up with a better plan for his return.

After returning to Salem, ex-nun Kristen suspects that Gabi is using a Stefano imposter to solidify her control of DiMera Enterprises. When Steve-ano learns that Kristen is plotting to kill him, he flees to Alamania. There, Steve soon regains control of his body and rushes home to save Kayla from bumbling barrister Justin, arriving just in time to stop the wedding.
 
Not happy over the fact that their efforts are being preempted by NBC for impeachment-related events, the writers decide to make the best of things by using the impeachment as a plot device. They have now leaked the following spoilers.

As Roman shouts "what da hell," chairs and bottles start flying as Pub customers argue over the impeachment trial. Fed up, Roman decrees that the Pub TV will now only show reruns of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

A huge brawl starts in the Town Square when Nicole and Kristen stop fighting over Brady and switch to arguing about the impeachment.

Eric feels betrayed when nobody -- Sarah, Nicole, Maggie, Roman, Ciara, and Baby Mickey -- agrees with his opinions about the impeachment.

Rafe becomes even more concerned about Hope when he mentions the impeachment to her and the clueless, unaware Steve-ano-obsessed Gina/Hope answers: "What are you talking about?"

After he learns that the impeachment trial will be televised at the prison, Clyde plans to use inmates' differences of opinion to incite a major riot, which will help himself and Ben to escape.
 
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Given the shortage of spoilers for the week of February 3, I've taken the liberty of producing some of my own.

Due the utter incompetence at University Hospital, Haley, Adrienne, and Baby Horton were all mistakenly declared dead. Haley and Adrienne awaken in the morgue and make their way to the nurses' station where they are reunited with their shocked, but overjoyed friends and family. Baby Horton is returned to the maternity ward by a stunned morgue attendant.

Nanny Evan Frears gets drunk at the Pub and declares that he murdered Jordan to save Baby David from an insane mother. Arrested, he makes a full confession at the police station. After the typical bureaucratic delays, Ben is finally freed.

Stefano decides that life in Steve's body is a losing proposition. He demands that Rolf remove his "essence" from this unworthy host and place it inside a body that's a double of his prime-of-life self. Liberated from Stefano's control, Steve can't understand why his Sweetness is giving him the cold shoulder.

Hope suddenly snaps out of her "Princess Gina" trance and becomes her old self. Rafe is puzzled because she seems to have no memory of the past year.

D.A. Trask begins a hard-charging prosecution of Kristen for the attempted murder of Haley. Because nobody will bail her out, Kristen sits in the Salem jail while Brady tries to win sole custody of Baby Black.

The state police are finally called in to do a thorough investigation of the Adrienne-Will-Maggie accident scene. They conclude that an unknown fourth vehicle ran all of the other three cars off the road. Like Ben, Will is released after having to wait for all the red tape to be sorted out.
 
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Aware that viewers are unhappy with certain evil-doers not getting what they deserve, TPTB float spoilers about the ultimate fate of current baddies.

Word arrives in Salem that Kristen fled to Alamania where she was promptly arrested and imprisoned by the secret police. Baby Rachel is sent back to Brady who quickly finds that solo child care is beyond his meager abilities.

While fleeing Rafe and Steve, Orpheus falls into the raging Salem River and is swept away ala Nick Fallon. This time, there will be no Percy to save people from the river.

Gabi pleads not-guilty by reason of insanity after being charged with assaulting Jake with a dangerous weapon. She thought this was a clever ploy, but it lands her in Bayview, where she has to share a room with Claire, who endless blathers on about her YouTube/Twitter following.
 
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Fresh from conjuring up Brady's idiotic revenge plot against poor Victor, the writers float some more such schemes, sure that the viewers simply love them.

Blaming them for the loss of his CEO position, Xander swears revenge against Kristen and Orpheus. Now that they've incurred the wrath of the mighty X-Man, are the days of these two moral monsters numbered at last?

An infuriated Melinda Trask returns to Salem with only one goal -- get revenge on Kristen for the death of her beloved daughter, Haley. Will Melinda's bite prove to be as deadly as her bark?

Lovelorn JJ comes back to Salem for only one reason -- get revenge against Kristen. Can he beat Xander and Melinda to the elusive Salem witch?

Having dumped Xander and Rexy, and bored with her job at third-rate University Hospital, boozy Sarah decides to seek revenge against Orpheus for the loss of Baby Mickey. Will she stay sober long enough to accomplish this? Would she accept Xander's help in taking down the ISA's pet criminal?

Enraged by Abigail's latest round of hallucinations, Chad tries to show that he's a real DiMera by getting terrible revenge against both Gabi and the slippery Dr. Rolf. Will he prove himself to be a true son of the Phoenix by accomplishing this task?
 
Puzzled about what to do with certain characters, the writers fudge their way through plot ideas.

Afraid to go back to the Salem Inn, fugitive Vivian takes up residence in the Kiriakis mausoleum and then has Ivan deliver take-out to her every day.

Gabi ponders ways in which she could clean up Jake's act so he'd be a worthy DiMera son and an adequate substitute for Stefan Zero.

Jake tries to play on his status as a surprise Stefano son by pressuring Chad to have all the DiMera vehicles repaired and/or serviced at his shop.

For appearances sake, Xander swears off getting massages despite Victor's disapproval and snarky remarks, ramps up his campaign to win back Sarah.

Dissatisfied with her mouth-piece job at City Hall, Kate begins doing the groundwork for an electoral coup d'etat in which she would oust Abe in the next mayoral election.

Annoyed because Eric is always so busy with the activities of various Catholic organizations, Nicole makes the mistake of telling him that Xander was a more attentive husband than he is.

Brady becomes obsessed with the considerable age difference between himself and Kristen. The words of the old Rod Stewart song "Maggie Mae" keep running through his head: "The morning sun really shows your age."
 
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