Facebook posts and Tweets from Salemites, Part 19

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Tweet from the manager of the Salem Barnes & Noble: Big news, Salem! The revised edition of 101 Great Excuses for Cheaters by the late EJ DiMera will soon arrive! This hot title, by a man who was an accomplished professional cheater, provides invaluable advice for those whose infidelities have been discovered by their significant other.

Reply from Will: Reserve me a copy now. The stuff I've been using just isn't working very well.

Reply from Justin: Save one for me too. Those flight attendants on Emirates Airlines are really hot, so who knows what'll happen when I get back to Dubai.

Reply from Chad: I'd like one. I'm not cheating now, but being a DiMera, it's inevitable down the road. Be prepared, as father and the Boy Scouts always say.

Reply from Sami: Attention doody-heads, just for the record, EJ changed!! If my darling smoochy-moochy was still with me, he'd never cheat again!!

Reply from everyone in Salem who knew EJ: :rotfl::rotfl:
 
Tweet from Jeannie T.: Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, and when spring comes, I'm going out to the garden and eat worms.

Reply from Nicole: Blame your own smart mouth, Theresa. But I'm pleasant to one and all, and all anyone does is bring up my past mistakes. Salem is truly "a town without pity."

Reply from Eve: What about me? Everybody loves that awful Jennifer Deveraux and hates me, even my own daughter, Paigie. All I'm trying to do is be a good mother.

Reply from Clyde: What gives with Salem? I'm trying to bring the place into the twenty-first century and people like Victor Kiriakis and Rafe Hernandez give me an attitude.

Reply from Sami: Get with the program people. Take it from me, a Hollywood celebrity, that you have to change like my darling smoochy-moochy. If he'd lived, dear EJ would have been voted the most-loved man in Salem!

Reply from Roman: Dammit, Sami!

Reply from the rest of Salem: :rotfl:
 
Tweet from Loyola student no. 1: OMG, have you heard Roxanne Trenton's story about her trip to Salem?!

Reply from student no. 2: Yes, some guy she knew from boarding school invited her there to help get rid of his obsessive, stalker ex-girl friend.

Reply from student no. 3: And the guy's mother turned out to be a real nut and the old girl friend's mother was super nasty and totally, completely bat-crazy.

Reply from student no. 4: Salem must be one big loony bin. I'll never go there even though I've heard that drugs are easy to get and all the bars and clubs serve under-aged college students.

Reply from Sami: OMG, Salem has really gone downhill since my darling smoochy-moochy passed away and I left town for Hollywood glory.

Reply from Roman: Salem has a drug problem? And the bars serve under-aged students?? Dammit! I'll ask Hope to look into this if and when she takes a break from her social life.
 
Facebook from Eric's elephant: First I get bought by a sourpuss in Africa. He didn't even smile when he bought me. Then he shoved me in a storage bin for years. He finally takes me out, leaves me in his apartment for about a week, but then gives me to some surfer dude. (I was relieved to find out he wasn't homeless but dude needs to lay off the patchouli oil!!) Now I'm being played with daily by his silent Bob of a son while his other toddler pouts. Is there no end to this misery?
 
Facebook post from Jennifer to Shane: Your daughter is a filthy, nasty, disgusting, two-bit trollop who shouldn't even breathe the air in Salem! Ugh!

Reply from Shane: Can you be more specific, Jennifer? After all, I do have two daughters who fit that description.

Reply from Sami: I HATE YOU!

Reply from Roman: Dammit, Sami! Why are you talking to your Uncle Shane like that??

Reply from Sami: Ooops, sorry Daddy, I thought he was talking about me.

Reply from Shane: Samanther, not everything is about you.

Reply from Sami: Ummmm, yeah, it usually is. By the way, have you seen my new late-night commercial for flea collars?? Tell Kate she should buy some!
 
Tweet from Salem Inn guest no. 1: OMG, today, in the room next door to mine, a woman caught her son in bed with some tramp and she was squawking to beat the band.

Reply from Salem Inn guest no. 2: That was real? I thought that crazy rant was part of some TV show.

Reply from Salem Inn guest no. 3; It was real all right. I was right across the hall. It seems that the Salem Inn is turning into the no-tell motel. I'll take my business elsewhere next time I'm in town.

Reply from Sami: Me too! When I pay a visit to tell one and all about my Hollywood adventures, I'll stay with my mother. The Inn is clearly not suited to someone of my high social standing and sterling moral character!

Reply from the rest of Salem: :confused:
 
Tweet from Jennifer: Attention Salem! Eve Larson is Salem's worst mother! She's utterly perverted trash who should be living with the rats in the Salem sewers!!!!

Reply from Anne Milbauer: What about you, Jennifer? When was the last time you prepared a meal for your family? P.S., try coming to work more than once a week.

Reply from Caroline: Speaking of preparing meals, women should keep in mind that being a good mother also means providing your children with tasty meals that include clam chowder and Wan Chai Ferry Chinese food.

Reply from Maggie: And home-baked cookies. Bad mothers make me so sad. They should cherish their children the way I do with my darling, perfect egg-baby, Daniel.

Reply from Sami: Yada, yada, yada, people. Just remember that I am Salem's best mother!! What other Salem mother has given their children a chance to sample the Hollywood scene? Oh, yes, I'm the best!!

Reply from Will: I'd ordinarily say "sigh" here, but I'm too busy trying to undo the marital damage caused by my romp with Paul Narita.
 
Tweet from Sami: My wonderful son, Will, is blameless in every way when it comes to his marital troubles. People like his husband and his awful mother are just mean. I HATE them!

Reply from Susan Banks Crumb: Don't you hate it when people are mean, mean, mean?

Reply from Paul: Actually, it's Sonny who's the injured party.

Reply from Sami: Who are you?? What do you know? SHUT UP. My son is a brilliant writer and a perfect person! I HATE YOU!!!

Second reply from Sami: P.S., my son is not to blame for anything. Also, check out my new Arm & Hammer "Truly Radiant" mouthwash commercial. It's a great product. Kate should use a healthy dose of it before her next big board meeting.
 
Reply from Austin Reed: Now if only Arm & Hammer can make a Truly Radiant Brain Bleach that could be used by every man who was ever involved with the likes of you.

Reply from Sami: SHUT UP! I was the best thing that ever happened to you. Now you're stuck with my stoopid doody-head sister. I HATE YOU!
 
Tweet from Will: Woe is me!! I want to save my marriage, but my husband's ex-lover and his mother won't leave Salem.

Reply from Clyde: Simple. Have somebody stick a knife in one of them. It's a great way to get across your message. Just ask a certain over-the-hill Salem billionaire.

Reply from Kate: Will, I can share my secret brownie recipe with you. Just make sure that meddling Dr. Nathan Horton isn't in Salem.

Reply from Victor: Just keep hitting them with snarky one-liners until they go away. I've got a list of good ones that you could adapt to your situation.

Reply from Stefano: It's simple. Just have them exiled to a secret island. I have a great one that's currently vacant.

Reply from Jeannie T.: Try some blackmail, but just be careful that you don't get blackmailed back.

Reply from Sami: SHUT up you doody-heads! Stop with these suggestions. My son is an honest upstanding young man. I HATE YOU!

Reply from Will: Uh, Mom, I've already sorta tried Theresa's idea.

Reply from Sami: What! Using an idea recommended by a tramp who's related to that hag, Eve Larson!? I raised you better than that! By the way, Salem, have you seen my great ad for "Truly Radiant" toothbrushes. Kate should have used one on her fangs before the big board meeting.
 
DrBakerFan said:
Reply from Sami: What! Using an idea recommended by a tramp who's related to that hag, Eve Larson!? I raised you better than that! By the way, Salem, have you seen my great ad for "Truly Radiant" toothbrushes. Kate should have used one on her fangs before the big board meeting.
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Reply from Jeannie T: Ummm, gee thanks Cuz :rolleyes:
 
Reply from Shane: Samanther, really?? Calling my daughters tramps and hags? I mean, I'm not disagreeing with your assessment, but seriously?? Pot...kettle??

Reply from Sami: Shut up! I HATE YOU! PS: check out my late night TV commercial for Truly Radiant mouthwash. Your daughters' filthy mouths could use a little cleaning.
 
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