Facebook posts and Tweets from Salemites, Part 19

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Reply from Tammy Sue Jordan: Name problems? Just make a change. I've had so many names, I've lost count. P.S., I can put you in touch with people who make great fake I.D.s, driver's licenses, etc.

Reply from Lucas Roberts Horton: And if your mother is a major disappointment, you can always switch to another family surname. It's a great way to stick it to her. Gotta go, I've got a hot tryst planned with Adrienne.

Reply from Ollie Weston, Ben Rogers Weston: And if you change your mind, you can always switch back.

Reply from Chad Peterson-Woods DiMera: And if your learn that your father really wasn't your father, which often happens in Salem, you could end up with a new last name.

Reply from Melanie Layton Jonas: Chad's right, and your new Dad could be a major improvement on your old one.

Reply from The Pawn John Black: Don't like your name? Not to worry. Remember that amnesia is quite common in Salem. If that should happen, you could end up with an entirely new name.
 
Tweet from Melanie: Hi everybody! I've just arrived in Vienna and think that it's great. It's funny, but you don't realize how crazy life is in Salem until you get away from it. Ta, ta!

Reply from Dario Hernandez: You've got that right. Taking the job in Argentina was the smartest thing that I ever did.

Reply from Billie: Totally agree. I'm so glad that I don't have to see Mom and Lucas mistreated by that old grouch, Victor.

Reply from Shawn & Belle: Yes, even enduring typhoons and hurricanes aboard the Fancy Face II is better than living in Salem. The open sea is is blessedly DiMera-free.

Reply from Dr. Baker, Gus, and Vargas: Even State Prison is saner than Salem.

Reply from Austin: I'm so glad Carrie and I returned to Zurich. Here, I don't have to worry about her lusting after some hunk or me being stalked by some crazy college girl.

Reply from Sami: Ha, but you're still married to my stoopid sister! I HATE her!! Anyway, since leaving Salem to become a Hollywood big shot, I feel "truly radiant."
 
Reply from (temporarily?) Ghost EJ: Me too. My old rival for Samanther's heart, Lucas, would be working for me! Priceless! And I'd get to mock Kate for being outfoxed by Fatha, and tell this Paul fellow all about John Black's life as "The Pawn."

Reply from Ghost Madison James: No Salem for me! I couldn't stand seeing my beloved Mad World in the hands of that incompetent hag, Kate Roberts, or watching my beloved Brady consorting with a witch and then a toddler.

Reply from Ghost Lexie: No more Salem for me. Seeing my poor Abe used as filler by those *%#@ writers would break my heart.

Reply from Ghost Dad Brady: I've got no interest in returning. I've heard that my beloved Pub has shrunk to one booth. What's going on?? And what kind of name is Club TBD?? Since I've left, the world has gone crazy!

Reply from Ghost Alice: I'd go back in a heartbeat. What's been going on in my beautiful home is outrageous. I'd straighten out Jennifer and her wayward children and make sure that the awful Eve Larson never sets foot on my property.
 
Tweet from Tater Tot Black: OMG. I've already figured out that my mother is an underhanded schemer, but based on what I overheard today, Cousin Paige is an embittered mess and Auntie Eve is completely crazy! Somebody help me!

Reply from the Love Doctor: Sorry, I can't handle your mother or Eve, and I won't be able to effectively communicate with Paige until she starts wearing hospital gowns.

Reply from Maggie: Oh dear. This sounds like a job for Ruffles McRed. My brilliant egg-baby may be powerless here, but my skill in fixing dysfunctional family situations is famous all over Salem. It's no accident that people always say: "Ask Ruffles McRed."

Reply from Johnny and Sydney: Join the club, Tater Tot. Mom still goes off at least once a day on how grandma ruined her life by taking up with John Black, and we're still not sure how many husbands she's had.

Reply from Ciara: Yep, families in Salem are crazy. Take my daddy -- he ran off on some mystery mission and hasn't been back since. But the upside is that guilty adults will take you on shopping trips. Gotta go, I sense another visit to Baron's in the offing.

Reply from Parker: Listen to Ciara. If you play your cards right, you may end up with almost as many toy trains as I've got.
 
Facebook post from Chad to Harold: I can't believe you spied on me and reported back to my father.

Reply from Harold: Really, Master Chadsworth?? And I thought you were the smartest DiMera offspring. Apparently not.

Reply from Rory: Dude! I don't even know you, but even I know that old man DiMera's butler is his eyes and ears around that joint. Hey, speaking of joints.....
 
Tweet from Olivia of the Connery, Moore and Dalton law firm: A woman from the States called today wanting password-protected information about a case involving a Xander Cook. Her imitation Scottish accent was pretty bad, but she was so nice, I helped her.

Reply from Xander: A woman wanted information about me! It must be Nicole Walker. Well, I'll fix her!

Reply from Victor: Nicole is no bargain, but you're a disgrace to the Kiriakis name. Forget her and get out of Salem NOW or you'll live to forget it.

Reply from Xander: I'm a disgrace? At least I didn't have a child with Theresa Donovan!

Reply from Jeannie T.: You creep! Brady and I adore our baby and will eventually find true love. To borrow a line from my role model, Sami Brady, SHUT UP -- I HATE you!!!
 
Facebook post from Salem University Press: We are proud to announce several more titles in our series of books written by Salemites, which are available though our website or at the Salem Barnes & Noble.

My Pal Fred by Parker Jonas with Daniel and Melanie Jonas. This heartwarming tale of a boy and his elephant sculpture presents the gripping tale of Fred's start at an African souvenir stand, his unwitting role in a diabolical diamond-smuggling plot, how he found his way to Parker, and the grand times that they have shared together on his dad's apartment floor.

Truly Radiant! by Sami Brady. In this fascinating autobiography, a brave woman describes how her life was blighted by her mother's table-top tryst with a wealthy businessman, her quest for true love, the tragic death of her changed smoochy-moochy, EJ DiMera, her life as Salem's best mother, and her brilliant new career in Hollywood movies and late-night TV commercials.

Betrayed by Paige Larson. In this gripping tale, a young college student describes the heartbreak of discovering that her apparent true love had engaged in five hate-boinks with her own mother! It also details the shocking cover-up staged by the young man's duplicitous mother, and the author's plans for righteous revenge against those who have wronged her so badly.

All I Want Is a Kiss by Roman Brady. Here, popular Commissioner Roman Brady relates his life-long quest for true love, his failed romances and marriages, and his success in avoiding the unwanted attentions of wealthy socialites. He also presents a compelling defense of his much-maligned police force and details the gripping circumstances of his most notable arrests, including the diabolical Rafael Hernandez impersonator, baby broker Dr. Richard Baker, drugged-out serial mugger Hope Brady, dangerous ex-convict Vargas, vicious killer Augustine "Gus" Pascal, and deranged businessman Ian McAllister.
 
Tweet from Will (after learning that there isn't much interest in his Clyde story): Hi, everyone!! Check out my article on Clyde Weston in the latest issue of Sonix!! It's an inspirational, heartwarming tale of how a poor kid from Poplar Bluff became a successful businessman!!

Reply from T: Sorry, Will, but this one was a snoozer. The ad pages made more interesting reading.

Reply from Bo Brady: Will, from what I hear from Salem, Weston is a major criminal, and, OMG, you made him sound like Charlie Weaver. I'm using the article to line my parrot's cage. [Yes, Bo has a parrot in Margaritaville.]

Reply from Jordan and Arthur the Cat: The article is awful!!! Portraying that monster, Clyde, as a folksy charmer is not only grossly inaccurate, it's unbelievably disgusting!!

Reply from Clyde: Mind your tongue, Tammy Sue. You really need to learn to respect your elders.

Reply from Victor: Will, you twerp, you're not only a cheater, but an awful writer and terrible researcher. My staff at Titan TV found dozens of misspellings and grammatical errors in the first two paragraphs before tossing the issue in the trash).

Reply from Sami: SHUT UP, Victor, all you read is the stock reports! You and the other illiterate morons wouldn't know great writing if it smacked you in the face! Needless to say, I HATE you all!!!
 
Facebook post from Father Louis: Hi, St. Luke's parishioners, here's this week's multiple choice question. A good Catholic man from Salem is trapped in a tiny room with an attractive woman. Escape is impossible and death seems near. What should he do? I'll post the answer this time next week.

A) Say a good Act of Contrition and prepare to meet God.
B) Commit gravely impure acts with the woman.
C) Avoid sin by counting sheep.

Reply from Stefano: How about a choice D? -- plan REVENGE against the person who is responsible for his plight.

Reply from Marlena: D -- Think about what he'll say to his psychiatrist if he gets out and is being treated for PTSD.

Reply from Rory: D -- If he has any, smoke some pot.

Reply from Will: D -- Think dark thoughts about Paul Narita who's to blame for everything bad that happens in Salem.
 
Facebook post by Zoe Browning: Hi, Sonix readers! Do I have great news for you! All fans of Will Horton's brilliant, fascinating articles will be pleased to know that more are in the pipeline! Here's a sample of what Mr. Horton has in store for you!!

The Strange Death of EJ DiMera: Here, Mr. Horton rejects the absurd conclusion of the notoriously inept Salem P.D. that the powerful, handsome Mr. DiMera was killed by a random drug addict. He also dismisses inane conspiracy theories, including the one that claims that Mr. DiMera was killed by space aliens. Instead, he digs deep into the dark secrets of the Salem underworld and comes to some remarkable conclusions, which firmly point the finger at certain unsavory people in Salem.

The Salem Mole People: In this gripping article, Mr. Horton reveals Salem's dark secret -- that dangerous mole people, led by the devious Moleboy, live in what's left of its infamous tunnels. He castigates Salem's do-nothing city government for failing to to anything about this serious problem for countless decades. Fans of the tabloids' Batboy, the movie's Ratboy, Saturday Night Live's Goatboy, and Vincent of the old Beauty and the Beast TV series won't want to miss a word of this fascinating article.

The Dark Secrets of Paul Narita: After completing his brilliant Sonix article on Mr. Narita, the dedicated Mr. Horton kept digging and has finally discovered what this former baseball star is really like. The article uncovers Mr. Narita's dubious past, scheming nature, and his wanton disregard for the happiness of others. Parents who are concerned that their kids are worshiping the wrong athletes won't want to miss this gripping article.
 
Tweet from Sami: I've just heard that Abigail had sex with two men in less than 24 hours! What a tramp!

Reply from Jenny: How dare you talk about my daughter! Everyone knows your twins were fathered by two different men, EJ and Lucas!

Reply from Sami: Ha! My smoochy-moochy, EJ, and Lucas were real men. Chad is a twerp and from what I've heard, Ben Weston is so dumb that he doesn't even know that he's alive.

Reply from Jenny: Don't move, I'm on my way to Hollywood to confront you.

Reply from Sami: Bring it on. You may be able to take on that pathetic loser, Eve Larson, but I'm the real deal. P.S., I HATE you and your trampy daughter too!
 
Facebook post from Sami: How dare that doo-doo head Serena put my perfect brother in danger! As soon as I get to Salem. Oohhh! She. Is. In for it! Revenge! REVEEENNNNGEEE!
Reply from Serena Mason: It's all Nicole's fault! Attack her!
Reply from Eric Brady: No, it's not, Serena!
Reply from Melanie Jonas: ....Heh...well...at least Serena didn't have me kidnapped....
Reply from Eric Brady: ...Um...what does that have to do with anything?
Reply from Brady Black: Hey, on the plus side, Sami, you have a new stepbrother and stepnephew waiting for you!
Reply form Sami Brady: Oh, you mean that marriage/life ruiner?
Reply from Brady Black: I was talking about Paul, not Will.
Reply from Sami Brady: I HATE YOU, BRADY!
 
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