Facebook posts and Tweets from Salemites, Part 21

Tweet from Joey: I'm a Salem High senior who's deeply in love with a beautiful, sweet older woman, but she says we can never be together. What can I do to convince her that our love is real?

Reply from JJ: Hey kid -- older woman? Been there, done that. Run for your life.

Reply from Kate: I know all about designing woman -- I'm one myself. And if you are who I think you are and your so-called love is that hag you were with at the BB fashion opening, you'd better follow JJ's advice and run for your life.

Reply from Jenny: You foolish young man. How dare you engage in such a foolish relationship. Your poor mother with be distraught -- rant ... rant ... rant.

Reply from Rory: Chill, man. Go smoke some good weed and forget grandma.

Reply from Andre: Forget your foolish crush, young fellow. By any chance have you seen my poor, dear, missing father, Stefano DiMera?

Reply from Joey: Thanks for nothing, people. None of you know what true love really means.
 
Facebook post from Paul Narita: Can someone give me a list of all the people I'm related to so I don't try to hook up with any relatives: blood, step or pseudo?? I mean, as it is, my father was married to a woman who was blood related to my first love, Sonny; and my half-sister is the aunt of the second guy I hooked up with.
 
Facebook post by Demos Kiriakis: Good morning, Salem. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Deimos Kiriakis, the long-lost brother of local billionaire Victor Kiriakis. By way of full disclosure, I am am ex-convict, having served 30 years in state prison with time off for good behavior. Sadly, my dear brother has turned his back on me after saying some truly hurtful things. Therefore, I am especially hopeful that Salemites will give me a chance to prove myself. After all, this is the city that once welcomed stone-cold killer Nicholas Fallon, horrid screecher and former death row inmate Sami Brady, drugged-up serial mugger Hope Brady, confessed killer Lucas Horton, killer baby-mommy Gabi Hernandez, and former con-man Doug Williams; and simply adored the late Bo Brady of the Salem P.D. who committed more crimes than the felons whom he was supposed to arrest. So if you see a handsome gentleman of Greek ancestry in the Town Square, Brady Pub, or Club TBD, that's me. Please take a minute for a chat. I'l love to get to know you. Sincerely, your new neighbor and friend, Deimos Kiriakis
 
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Reply from Sami: Who are you calling a horrid screecher??? I HATE YOU!!! By the way, since you're new to town, I must tell you that John Black is a doody-head who ruined my life. I HATE HIM! PS: I'm also Salem's best mother. Just ask my six children, Greg, Marcia, Peter, Jan, Bobby and Cindy.
 
Reply from Johnny DiMera (Once again, replacing Will): Mom, you only have a grand total of five kids! Will, me, Allie, Sydney, and Grace. Though Will and Grace are dead.
Reply from Sami: Scoff. Yeah, right. I think I'd remember two of my kids dying.
Reply from Will's ghost: ...Un-freaking-believable...
Reply from Roman: dammit Sami
 
Facebook post by Dr. Fynn Thompson: Hi, Salem. I've been here awhile, but now it's time for a formal introduction. I'm the handsome Dr. Fynn who can perform surgical miracles that the late Dr. Daniel Jonas could only dream about. And I'm quite the charmer when it comes to the ladies. So if you're a patient who needs serious help or an attractive young lady looking for warm, loving, and fascinating company, I'm here for you. Just keep my theme song Fynn the Surgeon (adapted from Quinn the Eskimo) in mind.

Oh, nobody should despair
Not any hot young girl, and boy
When Fynn the surgeon gets here
Your hearts are gonna jump for joy (count on it ladies)
So, come all without, come all within
You’ll not see nothing like the handsome Dr. Fynn.:love:
 
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Facebook Post from the Salem High Student Government: Hey everybody, it's Salem High "Panther Pride" week, so were asking students to show their "Panther Pride" by:

1) not ditching school in the middle of the day to proclaim your love for some middle-aged woman;
2) not pushing your just-bereaved mother into a relationship with a co-worker;
3) not buying a classmate several bottles of liquor so he can drown his sorrows;
4) not going around moaning about how people will think that you're just like a homicidal parent;
5) not smashing windows in the Town Square;
6) not going to work for a leading Salem drug dealer;
7) not vandalizing the sacred Town Square tree;
8) attending Salem High grad Rory's seminar on how to squeak into Salem U. with really low grades;
9) attending Ms. Eve's Larson's session on why declining to attend an elite university or music school, which has accepted you, is a really bad idea;
10) not making snarky remarks about Salem adults who are moaning about their multiple comas and/or long-lost past, overreacting to the recent death of Dr. Daniel Jonas, or bemoaning the current state of their wretched marriages.
 
Facebook post by Basic Black: As many of you may have noticed, death and other forms of very bad news are now extremely common in Salem. Do you wish to wear black to express your sorrow over the loss/murder of a loved one, the prospect of a relative or friend going to jail for a drunk-driving offense, your long-lost mother turning out to be a rotter, and/or the end of a long/short-term relationship? If so, Basic Black has the right apparel for you. As our name suggests, black fashions are our specialty, and we have a vast selection of dignified, stylish mourning garments available, even hospital gowns. Visit our website today to download our beautiful catalog. And If you're in the Town Square (we don't have an office), you also might want to consult with the always-caring Ms. Kate Roberts Brady about the right mourning fashion choice for you.
 
Facebook post from Sami: Ugh, I can't believe some doody-head put up a shrine to Dr. McScruffy in Horton Town Square! What kind of moron does that? No one put up any shrines when my beloved smoochy-moochy died.

Reply from Carrie: Yeah, and what about when Will and Uncle Bo died? No one put up shrines for them, either.

Reply from Sami: Will and Uncle Bo are dead??? :eek::eek::eek::eek: OMG, that's horrible. By the way, who's Will??

Reply from Roman: Dammit, Sami!
 
Facebook post by the Jonas Memorial Committee: As many of you know a beautiful shrine to the late Dr. Daniel Jonas has been placed in the Town Square. Those of you who can't leave your remembrances at this beautiful shrine can post your thoughts here.

From Carly Manning: Daniel was so wonderful. He just loved my polka dot bras.

From Kate: Daniel saved my life, and we once had romantic relationship, but what kind of guy romances a woman and her granddaughter?

From the Salem CVS: Sorry about Dr. Jonas. He was a great customer. What he didn't spend on razors and shaving cream, he made up for with ample supplies of tanning lotion.

From Anne Milbauer: I didn't think too highly of Daniel Jonas, but I have to admit that whenever Jenny Deveraux ranted at him it was very entertaining.

From the Forest Preserve Bear: I remember Jonas from the Horton cabin. If it wasn't hibernation season, I'd have gone to his memorial service for the munchies and dry martinis.

From Sami: So Daniel Jonas saved a few lives (were they even worth saving?). Big woop. He can't begin to compare to the finest man who ever lived -- my handsome, perfect, changed smoochy-moochy!!!
 
Facebook post from Claire to Belle: You cheated on Daddy and had sex with Philip on the Titan Conference Room Table!

Reply from Belle: Honey, I did not. That was Grandma Marlena and Grandpa John. And really, sweetie, that's Sami's issue, not yours.

Reply from Claire: Whatever, conference room table or Las Vegas, close enough. I HATE YOU!

Reply from Sami: Claire? Whoever you are, I like you!! You're my kind of girl. I'm sending you a gift basket full of Truly Radiant products! PS: Make sure you tell everyone that Philip is a doody-head and ruined your life. And tell them often.
 
Facebook post from Sami (from an unknown location): I nominate my doodyhead sister, Belle as Salem's worst mother. She's ditched her husband, is hooking up with sleazy Philip, neglects her daughter, and talks trash to a nice lady who's trying to help the poor kid.

Reply from Belle: How dare you talk about me this way! I am a good mother.

Reply from Sami: Stinkerbelle, Stinkerbelle, Stinkerbelle. You're worse than that doodyheaded hag, Carrie.

Reply from Marlena: Sami, dear, please don't say hurtful things to your sister. She's going though a difficult time right now.

Reply from Sami: Difficult, shmifficult. She's ruining her daughter's life just like you ruined mine by your perverted tabletop antics with that doodyhead John Black. I HATE him.

Reply from Marlena: Sami, please don't use the word "doodyhead" when talking about your sisters and John.

Reply from Sami: Why not? I HATE them! They're all doodyheads!

Reply from Andre: Dear God, what did Elvis ever see in that Brady woman?
 
Facebook post from Eve: Standing in line at the Salem Post Office and met a charming gentleman. Says his name is Don Craig. He said when we're finally done with our business here at the post office, we can go grab a cup of coffee and get better acquainted. Shouldn't take too long here, right??
 
Facebook post from DJ-Wear: Greetings, Salem. We are DJ-Wear, the world's newest, hottest, and fastest rising fashion house. Our partners are the experienced businesswoman and TV personality, Ms. Nicole Walker, and the brilliant, young couturier, Ms. Jeannie Theresa Donovan, both recently with Basic Black. We will be offering the hottest, hippest, most sophisticated fashions available. So watch out Vera Wang, here we come! Finally, so that everything is clear, our company is named in honor of the sainted Dr. Daniel Jonas, which means that we do not specialize in apparel for disc jockeys. And to be doubly clear, we will not be offering designer hospital gowns or clothing suitable for women who have blue chunks and wear so much jewelry that they'd sink to the bottom of Salem harbor if they ever fell in.
 
Tweet from Ava: I've won! I fooled the stupid cops so I wouldn't be arrested, played Patch's teenage son, imprisoned his wife, and have now forced him to have sex with me on Maui. I always get what I want!

Reply from Andre: Oh my, you are a repulsive piece of work. My DiMera sensibilities are truly shocked to the core.

Reply from Ben: Hey witch, you are one sick psychopath. You make me look sane.

Reply from Clyde: My boy is so right. You are a disgrace to humanity.

Reply from Deimos: I'm big on revenge, but this is utterly beyond the pale.

Reply from Xander: Lady, you make me want to barf. Somebody should lock you in a crawl space and turn up the heat.

Reply from Sami: Ava, you are a doodyhead! I HATE you!

Reply from Marlena: Sami dear, for once I think that everyone agrees with you.
 
Tweet from the detective whose job was saved when Bo Brady quit the Salem P.D. to members of the "Mock D.A. Kiriakis" (formerly "Mock Rafe") group: Brady nepotism strikes again. Fearless leader has just hired his son.

Reply from member no. 2: Yep, our old friend, Shawn Brady, the one-time academy drop-out. I guess he was tired of life sailing the seven seas on his boat. Wasn't it the Frowny Face II?

Reply from member no. 3: If our old pal Officer Dean Hartman was around to see this, he'd probably kidnap another member of the Brady family, just to work off his anger and resentment.

Reply from member no. 4; Speaking of Bradys, have you heard how long Roman spoke at the Academy graduation? And I hear that Abe Carver was even worse. And boring to beat the band.

Reply from member no. 2; OMG, I was there. Those two droned on forever. Blather, blather, and more blather. Some poor blonde lady in the first row of spectators looked as if she was in agony.

Reply from member no. 3: I feel her pain. Well, enough about nepotism, cronyism, and boring, long-winded speakers. Let's forget catching crooks and head to the Pub for some cold ones.
 
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