Facebook posts and Tweets from Salemites, Part 22

Facebook post from Marlena: Sob.... both of my twins are criminals. I'm heartbroken and devastated. Sob. :cry:

Reply from Sami: What??? Eric is a criminal? My sainted twin did something bad? Bad enough to be called a criminal? Woohoo!!! I'm no longer the "bad" twin!!

Reply from Roman: Dammit, Sami! Your brother was just sent to prison for five years for driving drunk and causing the death of Daniel Jonas.

Reply from Sami: Major bummer, daddy! That's ok, I'll send him care packages of Truly Radiant products to help him get through his time in the big house.

Reply from Roman: That's mighty big of you.

Reply from Sami: I know, right?! That's because I'm the good twin now!
 
Facebook post from Sami: Attention all Salemites. I am now the good twin of the Brady family! Do you hear that?? I am the GOOD twin! No longer can you look down on me, because I AM the good twin. Not my sainted brother! And stoopid Carrie and stoopid Belle don't count because they are liars...I mean lawyers.... same thing, whatever! YAY, go me! I am the good twin! I am not only Truly Radiant, but I AM the GOOD twin!

Reply from Cassie and Rex: We're good twins, too.

Reply from Sami: Shut up! I HATE you!
 
Reply from Belle Black: "Good twin", Sami? Remind me again why you're on the run.

Reply from Sami Brady: SHUT UP, I HATE YOU! (PS- At least I actually felt guilty for cheating on my husband)

Reply from Belle Black: What does that have to do with anything?!

Reply from John Black: DAMMIT, SAMI!

Reply from Roman Brady: Dammit, John! Stop. Stealing. MY. LINE! :angry:

Reply from Sami Brady: Finally, someone besides me got a "Dammit!".
 
Tweet from Sami: OMG, Belle is such a doodyhead. If she was a real lawyer, my twin wouldn't have gone to jail for having a few too many and killing that stoopid scruffy doctor. P.S. I'm the GOOD twin.

Reply from Belle: Hey bad twin, I did the best I could. No lawyer could have saved Eric. He drove drunk and caused the death of the sainted Dr. Jonas.

Reply from Sami: You stink! Only losers with loser lawyers go to jail. Chelsea caused the death of that creepy frat guy and nothing happened to her!

Second reply from Sami: And who really cared about that orange-tinted horn-dog doctor? Only his weeping, wailing egg-mommy; his micro-brained, toddler daughter; and that awful Nicole Walker!

Reply from Roman: Dammit, Sami! Let's show some respect here.

Reply from Sami: You're so right about respect, Daddy. Everyone should respect me because I'm the GOOD twin. P.S., tell that hag, Kate, that I HATE her.
 
Tweet from Abigail: I lit up Ben, ha-ha, hee-hee! I lit up Ben, hee-hee, ha-ha!

Reply from Chad: OMG!

Reply from Jennifer: Abigail!

Reply from JJ: Ignore this everybody. Abigail is just a bit confused lately.

Reply from Roman: Dammit, Abigail! Get this straight: nothing happened, just like Hope never shot Stefano and Joey never killed Ava -- oops.
 
Reply from Sami: I killed Bernardi!

Reply from Deimos: I poisoned Maggie!

Reply from Kate: I poisoned Chloe!

Reply from Lucas: I shot EJ!

Reply from Will's ghost: No you didn't, I DID!

Reply from Jennifer: I got drunk with Eric and had sex with him!

Reply from Caroline: I changed Parker's paternity results!

Reply from Marlena: I once paralyzed Stefano!

Reply from Rafe: I helped frame Andre for Stefano's murder!

Reply from Kristen's ghost (or Kristen herself, hard to say): I stole Jeannie T's embryo from her body!

Reply from EJ's ghost (or EJ himself): I stole Basic Black's pension fund and framed John Black!

Reply from Roman: Dammit, everybody! I give up.
 
Tweet from Shawn: OMG, today, Lani wanted to have sex with me on the conference table!

Reply from Rafe: Hey, I work at the table.

Reply from JJ: So do I. Do I have to start using sani-wipes on the furniture now?

Reply from Roman: Dammit, Shawn, that's one more thing that I don't want to learn about.

Reply from Sami: On a conference table? Yuck. This woman is as sick as John Black who ruined my life on a you-know-what. As Salem's BEST mother and the GOOD twin, I demand that she be fired now. I HATE her!
 
Tweet from a Salem High parent: Big news! Salem High was awash in sewage today!! I hear the place reeks! Unspeakable filth and deadly germs are everywhere!

Reply from parent no. 2: When is this city going to do something about its rotten infrastructure? Remember the tunnels explosion? And what about all the crime in Salem Park?

Reply from parent no. 3: It's do-nothing Mayor Abe Carver's fault. While the High School was ankle-deep in sewage, I heard that he was in the park having a nice little chat with his son.

Reply from parent no. 4: If Mayor EJ wasn't dead, I'd be saying that it's time for him to return and clean-up and fix-up Salem.

Reply from Sami (the Good Twin): Great news, people! EJ is alive out there somewhere! When the moment is right, my changed smoochy-moochy will return on a white horse to bring a new golden age to Salem!
 
Facebook post from Salem Safety Co: Salem parents, does your child attend vile Salem High? As is well known, this so-called school is the foulest pest hole in the Middle West. So, don't delay. Order your child a Salem Safety Co. hazmat suit for school today! It will keep your child safe from the effects of sewage back-ups, foul pollutants that spew daily from the filthy heating ducts, and the deadly germs carried by the rats, mice, and roaches, which run free in the walls, ceilings, and cafeteria! Please note that our suits cannot protect your child from those students who share their parents appalling lack of morality and basic common sense. For that problem, may we suggest that your child have a chat with Father Louis at St. Luke's church.
 
Reply from Sami: Give me one of those suits. I need one when I'm around that stoopid doodyhead and life ruiner, John Black. PS: I'm now the GOOD twin of Salem.

Reply from a Salem resident: I thought you were Salem's best mother?

Reply from Sami: Who cares about that now that I'm Salem's Good Twin! PS: I HATE you, whoever you are!
 
Reply from the Salem Safety Co.: Ms. Brady, thank you for your order of one of our fine hazmat suits. We absolutely guarantee that it will protect you from the odious emanations of Mr. John Black. For a small extra charge, we can stitch "BEST MOTHER" and/or "GOOD TWIN" on your suit. We also offer quality personal alarms that will alert you to the fact that persons whom you HATE are within 1,000 yards, including Mr. Black, despised siblings, older women with blue chunks in their hair, and selected doodyheads. Please consider one of these fine alarms, which will ensure that you'll never be bothered by hateful riff-raff again.
 
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