Facebook posts and Tweets from Salemites, Part 27

Facebook post from the Salem Brain: I'm exhausted. Brady Black actually used me today and sucked all of the power out of me. I need to go rest on a shelf for a while.

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Facebook post by Lucas: Hey everyone, I just met EJ. He looks a little different, but he's the same jerk he always was.

Reply from Rafe: So he is back. I almost hope that he gets out of line so I can bounce his butt around the Town Square again.

Reply from JJ: Maybe, he'll try to renew his vows with Sami, meaning Will could shoot him off the altar again.

Reply from Will: That was great except that my Dad had to go to jail for me.

Reply from Lucas: Don't worry about it son, it was worth it for the chance to later see EJ fall down and not be able to get up.

Reply from Will: How long do you think it will take EJ to cheat on my Mom so she'll either shoot him or take away his favorite race car?

Reply from Roman: About a Salem second. That horn dog never could control himself. He could even make another play for poor Nicole.

Reply from Nicole: Don't remind me, marrying him was a bigger mistake than marrying Xander.

Reply from Xander: Hey, be nice. By the way, with EJ back in town maybe people will be reminded what true awfulness really is and let them see all my good qualities. After all, when did EJ ever save anyone's life?

Reply from Victor: You do have a point, nephew. Drop by the mansion. I just might have a good job for you after all.
 
Reply from Sami: OMG, you stoopid life-ruiner. You're justifying breaking up my happy home because that later produced Belle? Listen Buster, Belle is a waste of space who knows less about legal matters than some kid who's been in law school for two weeks.

Reply from Marlena: Sami please. We're having enough trouble with Eric's problems without you starting in with John and Belle.

Reply from Sami: Eric's problems? Oh, boo-hoo. The doody-headed Bad Twin should have known that the trampy babyswitching Sydnapper would cheat. It's in her DNA.

Reply from Marlena: Sami, please try to be understanding. Nicole was left alone and then was led astray by the awful Xander.

Reply from Sami: Led astray? Don't make me laugh. If anyone was led astray, it was Xander, who by the way, isn't such a bad guy.

Reply from Marlena: Why do I even try?
 
Reply from Sami: Yes you life-ruining, coma-prone doodyhead, Xander is my son as are Huey, Dewey, Louie, and the Bobbsey twins. Accept it buddy, I'm Salem's best mother and have lots of happy, well-adjusted children.

Reply from Roman: Uh Sami, I seem to recall you leaving your children with Ma all the time.

Reply from Sami: That was part of my mothering genius. The kids got to spend time with a wonderful woman and to experience the educational Pub atmosphere!

Reply from Lucas: Educational atmosphere? Did that include the sight of EJ slowly getting drunk whenever things went badly?

Reply from Sami: Watch it Lucas. Just because we slept together a few times doesn't allow you to badmouth my smoochy-moochy. Oops.

Reply from EJ: Slept with Lucas? What are you talking about Samanther?

Reply from Sami: Never mind, smoochy-moochy. I was just running my mouth at the annoying Lucas. You know how I get when people irritate me.
 
Salem social media responds to the apparent kidnapping of Sami:

Nicole: Who cares?

Kate: This news makes my day.

Roman: I don't want to he unkind to my daughter, but God help the kidnapper.

Rafe: You won't believe how many texts and emails we've received suggesting that we shouldn't bother looking for Sami.
 
With her memory back, Ciara can no longer vent her nasty streak on Ben and Claire. She'll have to find some new targets. Here a few of her recent tweets

To Hope: Mom, when are you coming back to town? Your disappearing act has gotten really old. By the way, where are those expensive earrings that I once extorted from Sami. You can't say I'm too young to wear them now.

To EJ: You are the absolute pits. My father dedicated his life to putting your slimy, useless self in prison. Here's hoping that Rafe can finish the job.

To Eric: Hey sourpuss, where did you get off dumping Nicole just because she cheated a couple of times when you abandoned her. Frankly, you were lucky that she'd marry you. How many women want a fallen ex-priest who always looks as if he's been sucking on lemons?

To Sami; What's wrong with you? Just because you're stuck in a rotten marriage with your sleazy one-time rapist doesn't mean you should be ruining other people's happiness. You are truly the Biggest Loser. P.S., you're also a rotten mother.
 
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In an effort to boost his renewed career at Basic
Black, Xander has produced a sample TV ad.
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"Hi ladies, Xander here. If you're looking to get a
guy like me (who among you wouldn't?) Basic
Black fashions are the choice for you. Forget that
stuff from Paris or TackyChic. Basic Black is a hit
with all us truly hunky guys."
 
Now that he knows the truth, Jack has issued a retraction of his attack article about Xander.

Apologies to Mr. Xander Kiriakis:
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Salem's Defender of the Unfortunate

Salemites, I wish to firmly state that I was completely wrong about Mr. Xander Kiriakis. Instead of being a lowlife drug dealer, he's the gallant protector of my beloved daughter, Gwen, As for those if you who delight in cruelly trashing Mr. Kiriakis, you should give him another chance. You just might be pleasantly surprised.
 
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Tweet from Xander: Salemites, you may have heard that lowlife EJ bested me in a hotel room brawl. Please be advised that the creep sucker-punched me at the start and I was in something of a daze the rest of the way. Believe me, when there's a rematch, I'll beat Little Elvis to a pulp.

Reply from Rafe: Good luck with that rematch. If you'd like, stop by the police station and I'll pass on some tips on how I once bounced the slimy DiMera all over the Town Square.

Reply from Xander: Thanks mate, I just might do that.

Reply from Johnny: Hey Xander, keep pounding on my rotten dad until he agrees to fund my movie.

Reply from Nicole: I never thought I'd say this, but I'm rooting for Xander. Marrying EJ was the biggest mistake of my life.

Reply from Victor: If DiMera thinks that he can take unfair advantage of a Kiriakis, he better reconsider. If he tries any more funny business, it will be the last thing that he ever does.
 
Tweet from Physical Fitness Salemite: Wow, I was at the health club yesterday and saw Xander Kiriakis working out on the heavy bag. His punches were so powerful that they split the thing open. He reminded me of Sylvester Stallone in Rocky.

Reply from Roman: Good to hear. I've heard some of the vulgar names worthless EJ has been calling my daughter, Sami, and am now hoping that Xander will clean his clock.

Reply from Lucas: Xander wants to punch out EJ? Let me know where and when. I'd be happy to hold his coat.

Reply from Philip: Why is everyone talking about EJ and Xander. The most important issue right now is shameless, creepy Brady moving in on my Chloe. He has to be stopped!!!
 
While reading the Spectator, famed director Martin Scorsese saw an article about how Johnny wants to make a film despite having absolutely no experience.

Martin: Mr. DiMera, I understand that you want to make a film. Do you know anything about directing, handling actors, plot pacing, or creating sets?
Johnny: No, but so what? I've seen lots of famous films.
Martin: Perhaps, you might want to study some of my famous films, such as Gangs of New York.
Johnny: Is that the one where the Jets fight the Sharks and some guy sings about a girl named Maria?
Martin: Uh no. That was West Side Story. How about you take a look at my film Mean Streets.
Johnny: I've seen that. It stars those two really old guys, Charlie Sheen and Michael Douglas as two stock market crooks.
Martin: Not really, you're thinking of Wall Street. Have you seen any of the classic westerns?
Johnny: You mean the ones starring Hopalong Cassidy, Roy Rogers and Trigger, and the Lone Ranger and Tonto?
Martin: I give up.
 
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This attorney ad has been running on Titan TV.

Have you been having DiMera legal problems -- civil, criminal, or only in Salem? Don't be intimidated. Call Tuffer & Tuffer today at 1-800-TOUGHER. We don't mess around. Victory will be yours. If EJ DiMera dares to appear in court, we'll turn him into chopped chicken liver. If a bought-and-paid-for DiMera judge tries to put a thumb on the scale of justice he/she will be off the bench in a Salem second.

No fee unless we win (which is almost all the time).
 
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