Headlines from the Salem Intruder, Part 2

[DrBakerFan]

As Jenny and Adrienne stew over their personal affairs, once again the intrepid Intruder reporters scour Salem for this week's helping of tasty dirt.

He's Alive or Is He?: Rumors of EJ's Survival Send Sami on Another Wild-Goose Chase!

Has Brady Lost His Mind?: Our Experts Say That Only a Fool Would Take up with Kristen Again!

Obsessed: Insiders Report That Hope Brady Still Rages About Ben Weston! Can He Escape Her Wrath!

Baby Bonnie Fracas: Can Oldster Bonnie Really Be Her Mother?! Our Medical Experts Speak out!

Where's Steve Johnson!: Is Salem's Beloved Patch Still in Danger from Trumped-up Spy Charges?!

How to Help Homeless Ben: He's Been on the Street Since Cruel Trippy Engineered His Ouster from Ciara's Loft!

Ask Xander: This Week's Question -- What Possessed You to Marry Nicole and Go to Work for Creepy Kristen?

Xander: "It seemed like a good idea at
the time. I didn't have many options
after ingrate Victor failed to reward
me for saving Jeannie Theresa from
the evil Noodle."

 

[DrBakerFan]

As Salemites fall asleep over their copies of the moribund Spectator, the lively Intruder helps people get their day off to a good start.

Baby Bonnie Shocker: Neither Lucas nor Jailbird Bonnie Are Her Parents! You'll Never Guess Who Her Real Parents Are!

The Long Lost Return: Rex Brady and Mimi Lockhart Return to Salem! Is This Good News or Bad for Our City!

Kaboom!: Kristen's Nashville House of Horrors Goes up in Flames as It's Rocked by Explosions! Who Will Survive?!

She's Baack or Is She?!: Has Abigail's Evil Alter Gabby Returned?! Is Bayview in Abigail's Future?!

What's up with Wanchai Ferry?! The Amazing Reason Why the Pub Has It on the Menu!

Apology Tour: Cruel Hope "Apologizes" to Ben! Can She Be Trusted or Should Ben Be on His Guard?!

Ask Xander: -- Xander Is Busy in Nashville, So Salem's Favorite Stoner Fills in. This Week's Question -- How Can Hope Brady Overcome the Nasty Ben Obsession that Threatens Her Career?

Rory:"Do what I do when I'm stressed.
Get some good weed, light up, lean
back, and puff away. It's instant
relaxation."

 

[Just Samantha]

Yay, Rory's back!

 

[Noel]

Great job!

 

[DrBakerFan]

Contrary to what Susan Banks said today, the Intruder never misses a juicy Salem story as illustrated by this week's issue.

Mummy Blockbuster: The Bad News: The Man in the Bandages Is EJ!; The Good News: He Can't Move and Can't Speak!

Busted: Romeo Rex Outed as Baby Bonnie's Daddy at His Own Engagement Party! All the Shocking Details!

Heartbreak: Luckless Lucas Gets the Bad News -- He's Not Baby Bonnie's Baby Daddy! How He Took the News! What Will He Do Next?!

Exposed: Bonnie Lockhart's Mad Scheme to Escape Prison by Posing as Baby Bonnie's Mother! Check out Our Exclusive Interview with Baby Bonnie Herself!

Alive for Real: The Stunning Story of How Dr. Marlena Evans Survived Cruel Belle's Plan to Pull the Plug!

Where Is He Now?: Our Horton the Tiger Exclusive! What He's Been up to and Who's Next on His Dinner Menu!

Ask Rory (Xander is on hiatus): This Week's Question -- What's Your Take on the Mummy EJ Story?

Rory: "As a mummy drama it stinks. I'd
rather watch Abbott and Costello Meet
the Mummy or The Mummy's Tomb
rather than endure hearing one more
detail of the tale of Mummy EJ and
Sami Brady."

 

[JasonDíSpeech]

Mummy Blockbuster: The Bad News: The Man in the Bandages Is EJ!; The Good News: He Can't Move and Can't Speak!

 

[DrBakerFan]

Now that Salemites have enjoyed their Thanksgiving Day meals and the leftovers, they can feast on the tasty dirt served up in this week's issue of the Intruder.

Mummy EJ and King Tut's Mummy: Ten Remarkable Similarities! Number 1 -- They Were Both Wrapped in Charmin!

Thanksgiving Grinch: Shocked Guests Flee the K-Mansion as Victor Puts on a Major Grouch Exhibition! You Won't Believe What He Said!

Top Doc to Flee Salem: Dr. Valerie Grant Grabs a Chance to Work in a Real Hospital as Mayor Abe Fumes!

Exposed: Trippy's Foul Plot to Frame Brave Ben Is Revealed and Gets Him Dumped by Ciara!

Baby Holly Heartbreak: Eric Brady Makes Bid to Raise Nicole's Motherless Child! Will Heartless Judge Rose Duncan Find Him Unfit?!

Thanksgiving Shocker: Bo Brady, Stefano DiMera, and Elvis Sighted at West Salem Mall! Stunning Eyewitness Reports!

Ask Xander: This Week's Question -- Are You Really Dead?!

Xander (from an undisclosed location);
"Rumors of my demise are greatly
exaggerated. As for the rumored
deaths of Nicole Walker and crazy
Kristen, I have no comment."

 

[DrBakerFan]

Salemites can now mix their Christmas shopping with spicy dirt from the Intruder.

Smith Island Shocker: Resident Raccoons Report Hope Rendezvoused with Sexy Frenchman! Could She Be Cheating on Rafe! Check out Our Exclusive Photos!

Marry Me!: Resolute Leo Demands Sonny March to the Altar with Him! Will He Dump Will for This Con Artist?!

Kate Weeps Real Tears!: Salem's Leading Backstabber Seen Blubbering in the Town Square! What Caused Her Tears!

Hired: Smart Ben Hired as Security Chief at the DiMera Mansion! He Vows That the Days of Open Access Are over for Good!

Inside the Padded Cell: Chad and Stefan Plead with New-Look Abigail! Whom Will She Choose?!

Lucas Flees!: Luckless Horton to Try His Luck Elsewhere. What Heartbreak Drove Him Away?!

Ask Xander: This Week's Question -- Should Sonny Marry Leo?

Xander: "The better question is why
he isn't asking me to put a permanent
end to his problems with this grifter."

 

[FinchelKlaine4E]

Salem Psychologists Baffled At Man's Ability To Mess Up Every Time: Sonny Kiriakis Digs Himself Deeper

If Only I'd Listened To Virtually Anyone: Paul Narita Talks Of His Two Failed Relationships

 

[DrBakerFan]

As Jenny continues to fret over the supposedly bonkers Abigail and Adrienne is largely missing in action, Salemites once again turn to the reliable Intruder for the ugly truth about life in Salem.

Discrimination!: Ben Refused Service at Doug's Place! Join Our Boycott of This Notorious Greasy Spoon

Blue Swallow Shocker!: Hope Brady Seen with Lawyer Ted Laurent at Seedy Hot-Pillow Joint! Check out Our Revealing Photos!

Sleeping with the Enemy: K-Mansion Stunner!: Grifter Leo Moves into the K-Mansion as Sonny Fumes! When Will Victor Finally Act?!

Full Court Press: Cruel Meanies Hope Brady and Julie Williams Bad-Mouth Brave Ben to Ciara! Can Their Relationship Survive!

Unfit!: Sexy Rexy's Ex, Sarah, Lobbies for Sourpuss Sex-Tape Priest to Be Little Holly's Guardian. Will Maggie Stand Firm?!

Asylum Seeker: Insiders Report that Meghan Will Flee Palace to Escape Cruel Queen, Kate, and Camilla! Will the Salem Inn Be Her Refuge?!

Ask Xander: This Week's Question -- What's Your Take on Hope's War Against Ben?

Xander: "Hope(less) shouldn't get so
excited about Ben. Imagine her
reaction if Ciara was dating me.

 

[DrBakerFan]

Salemites may not wear proper clothing during winter, but steaming hot dirt from the Intruder can keep them warm.

Mansion Shocker!: Julie Williams Plunges Down Staircase! Did Gabi Push Her?

Soused: Grifter Leo Passes out Drunk on His Wedding Night! Was This Sonny's Chance to Be with Will?!

Palace Stunner!: Smitten Kate Dumps William for Salem's Own Handsome Lucas Horton!

Mansion Showdown!: Irate Victor Fires Inept, Duplicitous Chad! Will Xander Finally Be the Next Titan CEO!

Crazed Hope Just Won't Accept Brave Ben's Innocence! How You Can Avoid Being Framed by Her!

We Rate Salem's Attorneys! Guess Who Finished Dead Last! Hint -- His Initials Are J.K.!

Ask Xander: This Week's Question -- With Chad out, Will Victor Appoint You as Titan CEO?

Xander: "Why shouldn't he? I'm
just as qualified as any of the losers
who have been CEOs in Salem.
Heck, none of them have ever
managed to graduate from Salem U."

 

[DrBakerFan]

Salemites with nothing to do on New Year's can enjoy a more exciting time with this week's Intruder than their party hearty friends and neighbors.

New Year's Eve Shocker!: Jack Is Back and Remembers Nothing!

Eve Donovan Bays at the Moon: We Rate Her New Year's List of Angry Complaints: You Won't Believe Number One!

Another Stunning Paternity Test Switcheroo: Chad Cheers and Stefan O. Weeps!

New Year's Eve Miracle: How Julie Williams Went from a Hospital Bed to a Tree Trimming Party in One Day!

Who's out and Who's in?!: The Latest on the Horton Tree Ornaments! Which Ones Got Broken This Year?!

Ted Laurent Horror!: Horton Cabin Raccoons Describe Days of Utter Misery as Unwilling Hosts to the Slovenly Shyster Attorney!

Ask Xander: This week's question -- What do you think of Eve Donovan's New Year's Eve Tirade?

Xander: "Strictly the amateur hour. If
you want to stick it to your enemies,
you don't use words, you use
hard-hitting actions."

 

[Just Samantha]

Replies from Sami:

New Year's Eve Shocker!: Jack Is Back and Remembers Nothing!

Wait, he's one of my kids, right? How can he forget me, Salem's greatest mother??

Who's out and Who's in?!: The Latest on the Horton Tree Ornaments! Which Ones Got Broken This Year?!

My ornament had better not be tossed out or broken, it's the best ornament those stoopid Hortons ever had.

 

[DrBakerFan]

Reply from Marlena: Sami dear, Jack Deveraux is not one of your children. In fact, he's older than you are.

Reply from Sami: Thanks, Mom. This is a relief. I wouldn't have wanted that awful ranter, Jenny, as my daughter in law.

Reply from Marlena: Sami, be nice. Jennifer has had a lot of problems lately.

Reply from Sami: Who cares. She richly deserves all the misery that life brings her. By the way, check on the status of my ornament.

Marlena: [sigh] (Thinking -- same old Sami. How could I have ever had a daughter like her.)

 

[DrBakerFan]

The Intruder livens up Salemites' cold, dull January days with more sleaze and scandal.

"I Surrender": Sourpuss Eric Brady Gives up His Mad Campaign to Get Custody of Little Holly!

He's Back!: Bad Boy Xander Cook Returns! Our Exclusive on What He'll Do Next! Should You Be Concerned?!

Designing Woman!: Tearful Jenny Moans as Jack Is Revealed to Be in the Clutches of Scheming Eve Donovan!

Still at It!: Mad, Bad Commissioner Hope Brady Still Plots Against Brave Ben! What Vileness Will She Try Next?!

Gabi Gets Away with It!: D.A. Trask Fumes as Abigail Refuses to Testify!

Treason!: Stefan O. DiMera Charged in Bionic-Eye Plot Against the ISA! Will a DiMera Get Away with It Again!

Ask Xander: This Week's Question: What Do You Think of Leo Stark?!

Xander: "No comment. I want anything
I pull on this little weasel to be a
big surprise."

 

[DrBakerFan]

Thanks to the Intruder, Salemites can stay warm in mid-January cold with some hot dirt.

Back on Top: In K-mansion Stunner Desperate, Pleading Vic Again Taps Brady as CEO! Can He Undo Chad's Mess?!'

DiMansion Suspense: Will the Board Choose Stefan or Chad as CEO? The Latest Leaks from the DiMera Enterprises Boardroom!

Major K-mansion Shocker!: Eric Finds Sarah in Bed with Xander! Will This Discovery Finally Shut Her up?!

Melinda vs. Mayor Abe: You Won't Believe What the D.A. Said to Our Mayor!

Salem's Latest Foodie Sensation: Can the Popular Pub Offering, EJ Chow, Increase Your Vitality and Add Years to Your Life?!

More Setbacks for Brave Ben: Fired by Cruel Chad as True Love Ciara Flees Salem! What You Can Do to Help Cheer Him up!

Ask Xander: This Week's Question -- How Was Your Tryst with Sarah?

Xander: "A gentleman never tells, but
I can say that the fallen Father Eric
has no idea what he's been missing."

 

[DrBakerFan]

The Intruder serves up more dirt to entertain bored Salemites who have nothing to do now that NFL football is over.

Motel Stunner: Brave Ben Stares Down Raving Hope! You Won't Believe What She Said This Time!

Ciara Brady Possibly Kidnapped Again! How You Can Help Find Her!

Doug's Place Horror: El Fideo Thug Slain as He Tries to Murder Stefan and Diva Chloe! How Stefan Saved the Day!

True Love Prevails?: Sarah Horton Follows-up on Her Steaming Hot Xander Tryst by Taking Back Tepid Rex!

DiMera Muddle: Wacky Board Names Warring Brothers Co-CEOs! What Where They Thinking?!

Rafe Flees Salem to Save Delinquent Johnny: Will He Find Himself Back in Sexy Sami's Loving Arms!

Ask Xander: This Week's Question -- "What's Your Take on the Doug's Place Shooting?:"

Xander: "It was the amateur hour. Those
Noodlers were total incompetents. As for
Stefan O. he ought to wise up and hire
me as his head of security. I'd make Ben
Weston look like a little, fluffy pussycat."

 

[DrBakerFan]

The Intruder gets Salemites ready for St. Valentine's Day with a dose of romance-related dirt.:love::love:

Palace Stunner: Queen Fumes at Reports Prince Harry Had Steamy Affair with Sexy Sami Brady in 2012!

Blast from the Past: Casanova John Black Reunited with Yet Another Old Flame -- Diana Cooper!

OMG, She's Gone!: Stefan Weeps over His Lost Love, Alter Gabby! Who Will Fill His Bed Next?!

Ciara's Knight in Shining Armor Foiled: Cruel Hope Arrests Her True Love, Ben, After Very Illegal Search!

Will and Sonny Heartbreak: Can Their Heartfelt Love Overcome Grifter Leo's Foul Plots!

Rafe-Hope: Will Her Mad Campaign Against Innocent Ben Ruin Their Relationship!

Ask Rory (Xander is taking a break from Salem): This Week's Question -- How Can Roman Brady Get a Kiss on Valentine's Day?

Rory: "Serving Some heart-shaped,
pot-laced pastries ought to put his
lady customers in a romantic mood."

 

[DrBakerFan]

As Salem enters early March and all the flowers are, as usual, blooming, the Intruder gives dirty-hungry Salemites their latest fix.

Queen Sami?: Angry Palace Denies Rumors that Charles Will Dump Camilla for the Blonde Screecher!

Election Shocker: Melinda Flames out in Immigration Blunder: Salem's Own Barracuda Defanged!

Who's the Daddy?: Bizarre Rumors Swirl About Grifter Leo's Paternity! Is He Another Surprise Son for John Black?!

Shocking Smear: Eve Donovan Suggests Mayor Abe Had a Role in the Disappearance of Lexie's Lover, Tek Kramer!

Shot Down: Sad Rex's Marriage Proposal Cruelly Rejected in Public by Loud-Mouth Sarah!

Her Knight in Shining Armor: Stefan O. Offers Chloe Refuge from Savage Noodlites! But How Safe Is the DiMansion?!

Ask Rory: How Can John Black Survive The Shock of Having Another Surprise Son?

Rory: "Easy, break out the weed.
After a few puffs he'll forget that
he ever heard of Leo Stark (who,
by the way, is very uncool."

 

[DrBakerFan]

Once again the Intruder uses the problems of the in-crowd to entertain the rest of Salem.

Andre Vision!: Local Psychic Says She Saw Andre in Hell! Was Stefano with Him?

Hospital Horror: Poisoned Marlena at Death's Door -- Again! What Are Her Chances?! Our Experts Weigh in!

What a Tramp!: Rexy Recoils in Disgust as Fiancee Dr. Sarah Puts the Moves on Sex-Tape Priest Eric!

How Low Can She Go!: Cruel Eve Invades Loft to Tape Cops Busting Illegal Haley!

What Is Our Mayor Thinking?: Honest Abe Appoints Infamous Shyster Ted Laurent as New D.A.!

Check out the Write-ins: Our Exclusive Interviews With Candidates Rory and Anne Milbauer!

Ask Rory: This Week's Question -- What Are Your Chances in the Upcoming Election?

Rory: "I'm feeling mellow. Abe is a
good guy who's stayed too long,
Jack Devereux is so uncool, and
Anne Milbauer will never leave
the Pub's happy hour to campaign."