Leave best "bad" jokes here!

Nanahl said:
Not really a BAD joke, but something I read in a book today:

"A good laugh is like manure to a farmer--it doesn't do any good until you spread it around".
Click to expand...
That reminds me of a George Costanza quip on Seinfeld. He told people, including Marisa Tomei who was guest starring as herself, that manure is a good word. You have "ma" and the "newer." The way the scene was played out, it was funnier than how it reads here. I actually don't mind the smell of manure. It sure heats the heck out of many other smells, including skunk!
 
So, Andy had 6 children, and was very proud of himself. So proud he called his wife (Carol) "mother of 6" despite the fact she constantly objected to the name. Eventually, they are in their retirement years, he is still doing it, and one evening they go to a party. It got late, and as usual Andy wanted to leave. He yells out at the top of his voice.....Hey, "Mother of 6," are you ready to leave yet?

And Carol, so tired of this after all these years, especially his lack of discretion here, yells right back....Yep, any time your're ready, "Father of Four".
 
So I burst out laughing out loud.....Good one C M !



My neighbor has 2 dogs......named Timex and Rolex........Yep, they are watch dogs.
 
I'm posting this because of the of corny jokes.

 
Because of my sister's mobility issues we didn't ride Jungle Cruise this last trip. It is my all time favorite ride. I so LOVE the puns the bad jokes that would be my dream job at the park if I ever wanted to work minimum wage at a customer service place again......
 
So...I'm going to have to find the article to post here, but this true story happened just a few years ago over in a the country of Turkey.

A man was enjoying a long walk/hike when he came across a large group of people. He asked what they were doing, and was told that a man had been reported missing, so they had formed a group to comb the area to try and find the missing person. The man offered to help. So the man and the group began to comb the area looking for the missing person. Several minutes into the search, the man finally asked what the name of the missing person was, so if he found them he could call them by name. They told him the missing person's name...and the search ended immediately. The man had joined a search party for himself. He was the person that was reported missing, and had been with the search party the entire time.

I still laugh when I think about that story. If I find the article, I'll edit the post and add it. haha

FOUND IT!!! https://nypost.com/2021/09/29/turkish-man-beyhan-mutlu-joins-his-own-search-party/
 
I wrote these for fun, over time, and call it my "stand-up act while sitting down." Observational comedy, if you will. Anyone who thought I was a bit odd before will not be surprised I came up with this stuff...enjoy (I hope):)

I just read a book about the famous Santa Ana Winds, and it really blew me away.

I always thought Sam Spade was a veterinarian.

Zebras are not very open minded. They see everything in black and white.

I’m so shy, I leave the room to get undressed.

My brother gave his urologist some matzoh ball soup and then got charged for an examination.

My cousin, the proctologist, said his favorite movie is “Rear Window.”

Do divorced people suffer from split ends?

An accountant who performs his job in a poorly lit office might as well work in a Chinese restaurant, because either way, he’ll end up with a dim sum.

I’ve always been regarded as strange, so no matter how I die, it will be considered a freak accident.

My shoe repairman does shoddy work.

I bought some pushpins from a tacky salesman.

I have a split personality, so I am paying rent on two apartments.

I would like to own a horse, but I’m just not stable enough.

I was offered the lead in a movie about adult acne, and my agent said I should take it, because it will make me a real break-out star.

I’m so lazy, I had a stair lift installed in my studio apartment.

I’m not happy with my current dermatologist, he makes too many rash decisions.

When I interviewed for a job with the toilet company, I was flush with excitement.

I mailed a Christmas gift to my therapist and made sure it included shrink wrap.

I’m so clumsy, I keep dropping hints.

Contortionists don’t ever have to worry about paying their bills…they always manage to make ends meet.

I hope that when I die, my life doesn’t flash before my eyes, because I hate reruns.

My neighbor’s pet basset keeps hounding me.

I predicted that the palm reader’s store on the corner would go out of business.

Never date chiropractors…they are very manipulative.

Did you hear about the orthopedic surgeon couple who went to jail for not filing a joint return?
 
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