DaysLady
Well-Known Member
Some of you know that I found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago. I know I've been kind of vague in my status asking for prayers, mainly because I'm not even sure what to say.
My anxiety is getting the best of me sometimes. I thought I would share here what's going on, the more prayers, the better chances I have.
So, after finding out I'm pregnant, my doc scheduled me for an ultrasound on May 11th, and guessed based on my last cycle I should have been around 8-9 weeks along.
However, the ultrasound didn't show a 8-9 week fetal pole. I was indeed pregnant, and everything *seemed* healthy, but it was as if I had JUST conceived. I was only showing 1-2 weeks, as the fetal pole had not even developed yet. He was certain I would miscarry by the weekend. We were devastated and my husband, kids, and I cried a LOT of tears that week. (and my mom for that matter, she cried a lot too, over the phone, covid says she can't come down and visit and that's hard too).
They ran blood tests twice that week to check levels. Good news, my HCG levels were high, and going up, they weren't as high as they should have been, nor were they going up as fast as they should, but they were indeed going up. So doc scheduled a follow up ultrasound for the 18th. He said if all was the same, he would offer to prescribe me something to help "speed up the miscarriage".
At that appointment, before the ultrasound even began, I made it abundantly clear to nurses and my doc that the idea of terminating the pregnancy or taking any kind of medication to help "speed up miscarriage" was NOT something I'm interested in. at all. not even a little bit. Don't mention it again. Yada yada, they got the message.
Anyway, that ultrasound showed "development", but still not fetal heartbeat. they drew my blood twice that week, and levels continue to go up, even if not going up as fast as they should. Doc says every pregnancy is different, and it is very possible to have a healthy baby and pregnancy with lower than normal HCG levels. He is hopeful things will be ok, since we did see "some development". He then said he wanted to see me in "1 week" (which would have been this week) - and I said "should we wait 2 weeks to give baby a little more time?", and he was not sure he agreed with me, haha. But I won anyway, at the scheduling clerk, there wasn't an available slot for me this week. So my next ultrasound is June 1st (exactly 2 weeks from my last ultrasound).
Last week's blood tests still show my numbers going up. and I've not miscarried, so we are still holding onto hope.
There's been a song that seems to be my theme throughout all of this. The other day, I was in tears with sadness and worry, and the radio in a store we had stopped in started playing that song and I immediately felt at peace. God is working so so hard, baby is fighting. And I want to share this song with you. It's Rainbow by Kacey Musgraves, and here are the lyrics:
Rainbow
By: Kacey Musgraves
When it rain it pours
But you didn't even notice
It ain't rainin' anymore
It's hard to breathe when all you know is
The struggle of
Staying above
The rising water line
Well, the sky has finally opened
The rain and wind stopped blowin'
And you're stuck out in the same old storm again
You hold tight to your umbrella
But, darling, I'm just tryin' to tell ya
That there's always been a rainbow hangin' over your head
If you could see what I see
You'd be blinded by the colours
Yellow, red and orange and green
And at least a million others
So tie up the boat
Take off your coat
And take a look around
'Cause the sky has finally opened
The rain and wind stopped blowin'
And you're stuck out in the same old storm again
You hold tight to your umbrella
But, darling, I'm just tryin' to tell ya
That there's always been a rainbow hangin' over your head
There's always been a rainbow hangin' over your head
It'll all be alright
It will all be alright. And when this baby finally gets here, healthy and in my arms, I'm going to print those lyrics and frame them and hang them in his/her nursery. Thank you all so much in advance for your thoughts and prayers. I can feel them all around me and I appreciate them so so so much.
Dear little one, you are already so loved, no matter what happens, your life matters. It'll all be alright. Love, Mommy
My anxiety is getting the best of me sometimes. I thought I would share here what's going on, the more prayers, the better chances I have.
So, after finding out I'm pregnant, my doc scheduled me for an ultrasound on May 11th, and guessed based on my last cycle I should have been around 8-9 weeks along.
However, the ultrasound didn't show a 8-9 week fetal pole. I was indeed pregnant, and everything *seemed* healthy, but it was as if I had JUST conceived. I was only showing 1-2 weeks, as the fetal pole had not even developed yet. He was certain I would miscarry by the weekend. We were devastated and my husband, kids, and I cried a LOT of tears that week. (and my mom for that matter, she cried a lot too, over the phone, covid says she can't come down and visit and that's hard too).
They ran blood tests twice that week to check levels. Good news, my HCG levels were high, and going up, they weren't as high as they should have been, nor were they going up as fast as they should, but they were indeed going up. So doc scheduled a follow up ultrasound for the 18th. He said if all was the same, he would offer to prescribe me something to help "speed up the miscarriage".
At that appointment, before the ultrasound even began, I made it abundantly clear to nurses and my doc that the idea of terminating the pregnancy or taking any kind of medication to help "speed up miscarriage" was NOT something I'm interested in. at all. not even a little bit. Don't mention it again. Yada yada, they got the message.
Anyway, that ultrasound showed "development", but still not fetal heartbeat. they drew my blood twice that week, and levels continue to go up, even if not going up as fast as they should. Doc says every pregnancy is different, and it is very possible to have a healthy baby and pregnancy with lower than normal HCG levels. He is hopeful things will be ok, since we did see "some development". He then said he wanted to see me in "1 week" (which would have been this week) - and I said "should we wait 2 weeks to give baby a little more time?", and he was not sure he agreed with me, haha. But I won anyway, at the scheduling clerk, there wasn't an available slot for me this week. So my next ultrasound is June 1st (exactly 2 weeks from my last ultrasound).
Last week's blood tests still show my numbers going up. and I've not miscarried, so we are still holding onto hope.
There's been a song that seems to be my theme throughout all of this. The other day, I was in tears with sadness and worry, and the radio in a store we had stopped in started playing that song and I immediately felt at peace. God is working so so hard, baby is fighting. And I want to share this song with you. It's Rainbow by Kacey Musgraves, and here are the lyrics:
Rainbow
By: Kacey Musgraves
When it rain it pours
But you didn't even notice
It ain't rainin' anymore
It's hard to breathe when all you know is
The struggle of
Staying above
The rising water line
Well, the sky has finally opened
The rain and wind stopped blowin'
And you're stuck out in the same old storm again
You hold tight to your umbrella
But, darling, I'm just tryin' to tell ya
That there's always been a rainbow hangin' over your head
If you could see what I see
You'd be blinded by the colours
Yellow, red and orange and green
And at least a million others
So tie up the boat
Take off your coat
And take a look around
'Cause the sky has finally opened
The rain and wind stopped blowin'
And you're stuck out in the same old storm again
You hold tight to your umbrella
But, darling, I'm just tryin' to tell ya
That there's always been a rainbow hangin' over your head
There's always been a rainbow hangin' over your head
It'll all be alright
It will all be alright. And when this baby finally gets here, healthy and in my arms, I'm going to print those lyrics and frame them and hang them in his/her nursery. Thank you all so much in advance for your thoughts and prayers. I can feel them all around me and I appreciate them so so so much.
Dear little one, you are already so loved, no matter what happens, your life matters. It'll all be alright. Love, Mommy
