SALEM NOTABLES REMARRY IN SURPRISE BEDSIDE CEREMONY
Infamous schemer and veteran backstabber Katherine Elizabeth Roberts married former police commissioner and current burger flipper Roman Augustus Brady in her hospital room today. Performing the ceremony was defrocked ex-priest, the perpetually gloomy Mr. Eric Brady and witnessed by the dull, but dedicated, Dr. Rex "Rexy" Brady. In addition to Ms. Roberts, Mr. Brady has been married to Anna Fredericks DiMera and Dr. Marlena Evans. Ms Roberts is also no slouch in the marriage department. Besides Mr. Brady, her former husbands include: the late drug addict/musician Mr. Curtis Reed, grouchy Titan mogul Mr. Victor Kiriakis, the late criminal genius Mr. Stefano DiMera, and his eccentric son, the now deceased Mr. Andre DiMera. The happy couple's future plans depend on her recovery from the mysterious Orpheus disease with which she is currently afflicted. If, as expected, Ms. Roberts miraculously recovers, she and her husband expect to reside above the Brady Pub and provide hungry Salemites with such tasty favorites as Brady Burgers, clam chowder, choco puffs, and garbage can nachos.