Salem Spectator Society Page, Part 3

SECOND TIME IS A CHARM FOR BLACK-BRADY WEDDING

In its second go-round the remarriage of third-rate attorney Ms. Belle Black and sometime police detective Mr. Shawn Brady went off without a hitch yesterday. As many may recall, their first attempt to remarry ended in disaster when the deranged Ms. Jan Spears, after having kidnapped Ms. Black, invaded the ceremony and forced Mr. Brady to "marry" her. Officiating at the festive event was the bride's mother, famed psychiatrist Dr. Marlena Evans, who appears to hold no grudges against her daughter for once working overtime to pull the plug on her when she seemed to be terminally ill. The ceremony was held at the luxurious townhouse of Dr. Evans and a coma-free Mr. John Black. Other guests as the ceremony included the couple's daughter, Bayview alumna, Ms. Claire Brady and her new "perfect" boyfriend, Titan intern Mr. Charlie Dale, who's rumored to be some kind of corporate spy. The happy couple announced no post-wedding plans, although Mr. Brady did sternly warn that there could be ugly consequences if Titan co-CEO Mr. Philip Kiriakis doesn't stay far away from his wife.
 
JOHNSON AND JOHNSON WEDDING A REMARKABLE SUCCESS

The recent remarriage of intrepid private investigator Mr. Steven "Patch" Johnson and his long-suffering significant other, Dr. Kayla Johnson, proved to be remarkably trouble-free. Unlike many past Salem weddings, nobody was shot and no unwanted guests disrupted the proceedings. Those in the know credit this to the small number of attendees and the lack of advance notice for the ceremony. The happy event took place at the typically-empty Brady Pub, and was officiated by Mayor Abraham Carver who was available at a moment's notice because, as usual, he had nothing better to do. Tripp Dalton replaced coma-prone Mr. John Black as best man and loud-mouthed physician Dr. Sarah Horton filled-in as maid of honor, replacing alleged food-poisoning victim Dr. Marlena Evans. The happy couple will continue to reside in Salem although cynical Las Vegas oddsmakers give them only a 50-50 chance for uninterrupted future happiness . This is because Mr. Johnson is a magnet for trouble and Ms. Johnson is so often the target of his many bizarre enemies, most notably unbalanced crime queen Ms. Ava Vitali and the deranged career criminal Mr. Milo "Orpheus" Harp who are both who currently not behind bars where they belong.
 
DR. SARAH HORTON BETROTHED AGAIN

Ms. Maggie Horton, the spouse of Salem's leading grouch, Titan mogul Mr. Victor Kiriakis, has proudly announced the engagement of her daughter, University Hospital physician Dr. Sarah Horton, to reformed thug and former Titan co-CEO Mr. Xander Kiriakis. Dr. Horton, whose father is the long-missing gambling physician, Neil Curtis, was formerly engaged to Dr. Rex Brady, the infamously dull philanderer. Since coming to Salem, she also had time for a cheap affair with the notorious Salem sourpuss and sex-tape priest, Mr. Eric Brady. Mr. Kiriakis was formerly sort-of married to the longsuffering Ms. Nicole Walker, but he is better known for locking people in crawlspaces and cages, doing business with the Noodle, a notorious narco kingpin, and for accidentally shooting Dr. Marlena Evans during her marriage to Mr. John Black. After these unfortunate events, Mr. Kiriakis turned a page and became the successful CEO of Titan before recently resigning to seek opportunities elsewhere. After their wedding, the happy couple intends to continue living at the Kiriakis mansion where they get free room and board.
 
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KIDNAPPED TWINS' CHRISTENING A SUCCESS

The Grant twins, Jules and Carver, the children of Detectives Lani and Eli Grant, were christened at a ceremony at the newly rebuilt St. Luke's Church, which was destroyed by a bomb at the disastrous Ben Weston-Ciara Brady wedding. Skeptics who expected trouble were proven wrong as Father Bernard ably performed the ceremony assisted by happy godparents, Mayor Abraham Carver, noted techie Mr. Theo Carver, famed busybody Ms. Julie Williams, and the University Hospital escapee Dr. Valerie Grant, the groom's mother. After the ceremony, everyone retired to Julie's Place for its usual watered-down drinks and thawed-out hors d' oeuvres. Insiders suggest that the successful ceremony was due to potential troublemakers being unavailable: the twins' kidnapper, Vivian Alamain acolyte Ivan Marais is incarcerated; awful Orpheus is in the state prison hospital; and that the ungodly and unspeakable Kristen DiMera is preoccupied elsewhere. Others suggest that no evildoer would dare appear while the bride's formidable Aunt Paulina Price was around. According to informed sources, an angry glance from Ms. Price would be enough to turn such trouble-makers to a quivering blob of Jello.
 
ENGAGMENT OF AMNESIAC AND MAN-BUN-FAN DIVIDES TOWN

Mr. Theo Carver, son of Ms. Paulina Price's hopeless dupe, Mayor Abraham Carver, has announced his engagement to Ms. Ciara Brady Weston, the estranged spouse of the former necktie strangler and current Mr. Nice Guy, Mr. Benjamin Weston. Because of an explosion during her latest kidnapping, Ms. Brady Weston claims to have no memory of her courtship and marriage to Mr. Weston, and now thinks of him only as a notorious murderer. Certain that his wife will regain her memory, Mr. Weston has steadfastly refused to sign divorce papers, but that hasn't prevented the new "happy" couple from announcing their "engagement." Those who recall Mr. Carver as a lovable youth have responded to his so-called engagement with polite niceties, while those who remember Mr. Stefan DiMera's sexual exploitation of the schizophrenic Ms. Abigail DiMera regard him as a perverse wife-stealer. Currently, the battling Westons are now both determined to settle their situation in court, a spectacle that might match in excitement the memorable trial of screechy Ms. Sami Brady for killing Officer Joseph Bernardi.
 
ABDUCTION, FAUX BRIDE, AND FORTUNE COOKIE SCUTTLE BRADY-CARVER NUPTIALS

In typical Salem fashion, the wedding of Mr. Theo Carver, son of Mayor Abraham Carver and the late Ms. Lexie Carver and Ms. Ciara Alice Brady, the amnesiac ex-wife of cured necktie strangler Mr. Benjamin Weston and the daughter of the late criminally-inclined police detective Mr. Beauregard Brady and missing-in-action retired police commissioner Ms. Hope Brady came to an abrupt end this week. When the heavily-veiled bride reached the altar, she turned out to be Ms. Claire Brady daughter of attorney Ms. Belle Black and sometime police officer Mr. Shawn Brady. Shortly before this shocking revelation, Mr. Weston had spirited Ms. Brady away to the place where they fell in love, a shabby forest cabin in rustic Mammoth Falls. There, the magical powers of a fortune cookie caused Ms. Brady to completely regain her memory and fall into the waiting arms of Mr. Weston. The happily reunited couple have announced no plans other than to make up for lost time between the sheets. As for Mr. Carver the would-be wife-stealer who was literally left at the altar, has been excessively consoled by his doting family, and now will presumably resume his lovelorn life at his current home in South Africa.
 
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OFF-THE-CUFF WEDDING A SURPRISE SUCCESS

The impromptu remarriage of former amnesiac Ms. Ciara Brady and reformed necktie strangler Mr. Benjamin went off without a hitch this week without benefit of a marriage license. Because it was unscheduled, the event avoided the usual pitfalls of Salem weddings; bombs, kidnappings, TV sex tapes, and disruptive intruders. The happy couple then quickly repaired to their new home, an apartment over Mr. Jake DiMera's former automotive repair shop, to engage in their favorite activity -- hot times between the sheets. The happy couple have not announced honeymoon plans, but it can be assumed it will consist largely of heated erotic encounters.
 
LATEST WEDDING DEBACLE ENDS WITH BRIDE IN HANDCUFFS

The improbable marriage of third-rate attorney Mr. Justin Kiriakis to his deceased wife's exact lookalike, Ms. Bonnie Lockhart, was off to a good start yesterday until it was predictably interrupted by an intruder, a very angry Mr. Xander Kiriakis, who demanded that Ms. Lockhart return the $1 million that he had been paid by Ms. Sami Brady to destroy the marriage of former babyswitcher Ms. Nicole Walker and the perpetually gloomy ex-priest, Mr. Eric Brady. The bride's protestations of innocence notwithstanding, Mr. Kiriaikis quickly recovered his purloined lost money from Ms. Lockhart's room. Before the wedding guests could absorb this development, the body of vulgar grifter Ms. Calista Lockhart was found on the bed, wrapped in a spread. As Ms, Lockhart protested her innocence, she was hauled off to the Salem jail by the inept detective duo of Mr. Eli Grant and Ms. Lani Price who miraculously were in the right place at the right time. Currently, Mr. Justin Kiriakis is in shock, Mr. Victor Kiriakis is beside himself with glee over Ms. Lockhart's arrest, and Ms. Lockhart herself is desperately in need of a good lawyer.
 
JAILHOUSE REVEREND PRESIDES AT WEDDING OF TWO EX-JAILBIRDS

Rev. Maggie Kiriakis who was ordained during her time in prison, presided this week at the wedding of the recently incarcerated Mr. Justin Kiriakis and Ms. Bonnie Lockhart. This is the second marriage for both the bride and groom. The new Ms. Kiriakis was formerly married to the late Mr. David Lockhart (aka Mr. Bones), and Mr. Kiriakis was married to, and occasionally cheated on, the long-suffering Ms. Adrienne Johnson. The ceremony was attended by Mr. Steve "Patch" Johnson and his wife, the medical jack-of-all-trades, Dr. Kayla Johnson. Also there, and doing his best not to express his very low opinion of the bride, was Titan mogul Mr. Victor Kiriakis. The newlyweds currently have no plans other than to live rent-free at KIriakis mansion while hoping that Mr. Kiriakis won't be disbarred for attempting to blackmail the allegedly corrupt Judge Smails.
 
CARVER-PRICE NUPTIALS END ABRUPTLY AS RUNAWAY GROOM FLEES WEDDING CHAPEL.

Revelations by Ms. Chanel Dupree, the purveyor of stale cookies and soggy pastries, of a long a ago baby transfer concealing the fact that real-estate grifter Ms. Paulina Price was really the mother of faux police detective, Ms. Lani Price, caused the suddenly daughterless groom, Mayor Abraham Carver, to storm out of the wedding chapel incensed over the apparent duplicity of his would-be bride. The distraught Ms. Price chased Mayor Carver to the Town Square to unsuccessfully plead her case, while back at the chapel Mr. Theo Carver upbraided Ms. Dupree for her unseemly revelations. Meanwhile, the distraught Ms. Price discussed her abrupt change in parentage with her somewhat confused husband, Detective Eli Grant. Remaining to witness the entire sorry spectacle was the celebrant, Dr. Marlena Evans, who oddly seemed to be quietly pleased with the collective misery caused by Salem's latest wedding debacle.
 
FICKLE GROOM DUMPS FLIGHTY BRIDE AT WEDDING RECEPTION

Newlywed Mr. Johnny DiMera, the self-styled amateur film director and producer, put a quick end to his marriage to sometime baker, Ms. Chanel Price DiMera, at the couple's wedding reception held at the palatial DiMera mansion. Claiming that he needed to be free, Mr. DiMera informed his new spouse that he no longer wished to be married, expressed his desire to immediately end the marriage. Mr. DiMera did not waver as he was attacked by his shocked bride; her outraged relatives, mother Paulina and sister Lani; his sister Allie, and his Uncle Tony and Aunt Anna. Evenually, Ms. Price and her supporters wearing of abusing Mr. DiMera, fled the scene, leaving the groom with his presumably pleased father, Mr. EJ DiMera, who had never approved of his son's hasty marriage. The former couple have not announced any plans, but it is expected that Mr. DiMera will return to film-making or some other occupation for which he has no qualifications. Mr. Price will likely return to her irresponsible ways, including dumping most of the running of the Sweet Bits bakery on Ms. Allie Horton.

[Thanks to KathyLu for suggesting that I start this thread many years ago.]
 
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DOUBLE WEDDING BRINGS DOUBLE DISASTER

The Town Square double wedding involving veteran grifter Mr. Leo Stark and Dr. Craig Wesley and confirmed schemer Ms. Gwen Rizczek and former career criminal and one-time Titan CEO Alexandros "Xander" Kiriakis ended in disaster today. As the stunned audience watched, Mr. Stark was revealed to be a would-be bigamist by his legal spouse, drag queen Mr. Darius Rose. No sooner had the heartbroken Dr. Wesley and disappointed Mr. Stark fled the scene than Ms. Abigail Deverzux arrived to reveal that Ms. Rizczek had been involved in numerous nefarious schemes, most notably turning Dr. Sarah Horton into a person with the mind of a four-year-old. A stunned Ms. Rizczek was then promptly dumped by a angry, glowering Mr. Kiriakis and written out of the family by her fed-up father, Mr. Jack Deveraux. As bad as this was, the would-be bride's problems weren't over as Police Commissioner Rafael Hernandez arrived to haul her off to the Salem jail and to inform her that she could expect to be prosecuted by barracuda district attorney Ms. Mellnda Trask. This latest wedding debacle has caused some concerned citizens to ask Mayor Carver to discontinue public Town Square weddings because they are making Salem a national laughingstock.
 
WILD ACCUSATION AND SHOCKING CONFESSION BLOW UP SECOND HORTON-BRADY WEDDING

The effort by Mr. Lucas Desmond Horton and Ms. Samantha Gene Brady to again enter into the married state collapsed in flames today after a semi-hysterical Mr. Chadsworth DiMera arrived at the last moment to accuse Mr. Horton of murdering his wife, Abigail, to cover up his kidnapping of Ms. Brady. Mr. Horton denied murdering anyone, but eventually fessed up to the kidnapping, which he intimated was an act of love. This admission was too much even for Ms. Brady who promptly dumped the hapless groom right at the altar. Witnesses to this disaster were Ms. Brady's parents, barkeep Mr. Roman Brady and headshrinker Dr. Marlena Evans; her children the recently possessed Ms. Allie Horton and Mr. Johnny DiMera; Mr. Horton's scheming mother, Ms. Kate Roberts; and the would-be officiant, failed priest Mr. Eric Brady. For the event, Ms. Brady wore a simple, apparently imitation white satin gown, which was shockingly low-cut. However, the fashion statement of the day was Mr. Johnny DiMera's bright, red suit, black shirt, and black tie, which made him resemble a mobster trying to play the role of Santa Claus.
 
NEWBIE COP RUINS KIRIAKIS-HORTON WEDDING

The private Kiriakis mansion wedding between those two long-separated lovers, Mr. Xander Kiriakis, former Titan CEO and one-time career criminal, and Dr. Sarah Horton was interrupted at the last moment by new Salem police detective, Jada Hunter. Instead of pledging her troth to Mr. Kiriakis, Dr. Horton found herself being peppered with tough questions about her possible involvement in the brutal murder of Ms. Abigail DiMera. Much to the distress of Mr. Kiriakis and her mother, Ms. Maggie Kiriakis, the would-be bride declared that she could not continue with the ceremony until her problems with the police were settled. The wedding had seemed to be off to a fine start with Dr. Horton dressed in an attractive white dress and Mr. Kiriakis looking sharp in a kilt, black jacket and black tie. It's well known that Mr. Kiriakis's many female admirers prefer him clad in a towel, but his wedding attire would have had these ladies swooning in delight. The once happy couple's future is now uncertain, but local oddmakers are currently betting against them living happily ever after.
 
DrBakerFan said:
It's well known that Mr. Kiriakis's many female admirers prefer him clad in a towel, but his wedding attire would have had these ladies swooning in delight.
Click to expand...

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KIRIAKIS-HORTON WEDDING PROVES TROUBLE FREE

The lovely Horton home was the scene yesterday when former career criminal and one-time Titan CEO Mr. Xander Kiriakis was joined in matrimony to Dr. Sarah Horton, daughter of the well-known busybody, cookie baker, and source of all wisdom Ms. Maggie Kiriakis. With Ms. Kirikais presiding, the ceremony was witnessed by Mr. Jack Deveraux and Ms. Jennifer Deveraux. The marriage is the second for the bride, who was once wed to the remarkably dull and notably clueless Dr. Rex Brady. The groom's brief marriage to gold digger and make-believe baker Ms. Chanel Duprees ended in an annulment. For her wedding, the bride wore a simple white gown, and the groom was nattily dressed in formal kilt attire. Unlike the typical Salem wedding, there were no disruptive intruders, nobody was shot, and no bombs exploded. The new Ms. Kiriakis now expects to return to her position at University Hospital, which is currently short of physicians, while it's expected that Ms. Maggie Kiriakis will pressure her grouchy husband, Victor, to restore her new, but unemployed son-in-law to a proper position at Titan.
 
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