Facebook posts and Tweets from Salemites, Part 18

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Tweet from Titan employee no. 1: Did you hear that the old man has promoted Brady Black mainly because he's stayed sober for a few weeks. Why not promote me? Unlike Brady, I actually show up at work.

Reply from Titan employee no. 2: Bummer. I haven't even been buzzed for years and I'm still stuck in the same tacky cubicle.

Reply from Titan employee no. 3: Me too. Titan is a nest of nepotism and incompetence. We clearly need a new place to work where we'll be appreciated. How about the Salem P.D. or University Hospital?

Reply from Titan employee no. 1: No way -- people will laugh at us.

Reply from Titan employee no. 2: What about Sonix Magazine?

Reply from Titan employee no. 1: Not that low-class rag. They even have that backstabbing scribbler, Will Horton, writing articles for them.

Reply from Titan employee no. 3: How about DiMera Enterprises? Things might be fine there now that EJ is dead and screechy Sami Brady has quit the board and left for the West Coast.

Reply from Sami: How dare you talk about my darling smoochy-moochy, call my brilliant writer son a scribbler, and say I'm screechy! I'll have you know that EJ changed, Will is the next Ernest Hemingway, and I'm a BIG SHOT in Hollywood! I HATE you!!!
 
Tweet from University Hospital employee no. 1: Did you hear that Sleeveless Jennifer, the Horton princess, is coming back to work?

Reply from employee No. 2: How will they be able to tell? She's hardly ever here anyway.

Reply from employee No. 3: And did you know that her daughter Abigail, who lost her job because she boinked EJ DiMera, is back because her old squeeze, Chad DiMera, demanded it?

Reply from employee no. 1: Woo Hoo. What did little Abby do for Chad to make this happen?

Reply from Jennifer: How dare you talk about me and make lewd insinuations about my perfect daughter! When I learn who you are, I'm reporting this to Dr. Marlena Evans and Mr. Burns! I HATE you!!

Reply from Sami: Put a sock in it Jenny. "I HATE you" is my line.
 
Tweet from Melanie: Help! Bad guys from France are after me (again)! Who can save me, the cutsiest girl in Salem?!

Reply from "Salem Police Buff": Try Detective Rafe Hernandez -- the ex-FBI agent who once beat up EJ DiMera!

Reply from "Pub Regular": Forget Granny Sex Rafe. These days, all he does is wander around having pointless conversations. My advice is to go right to the top -- Roman Brady.

Reply from Stefano: :rotfl::rotfl:Roman?! Not only are his cops a joke, but my spies tell me that all he does is hide from that bossy and wealthy socialite, Giselle van Hopper.

Reply from "Town Square Habitue": And don't bother with Detective Hope Brady. She's too busy with some lawyer, and has her hands full with her acquisitive little daughter who has a taste for fine jewelry.

Reply from Kristen: Go see Daniel Jonas. Super Jonas foiled all my best plots and even outfoxed the clever and ruthless Dr. Jakub Chyka. P.S., he's also good between the sheets.

Reply from Melanie: Daddy, save me!!! And please say that you never shared a bed with that hideous Kristen DiMera. Ick!!!
 
Facebook post in the "Fans of Paul Narita" Group: Sources are reporting that our handsome, wealthy Paul is in Salem USA!

Reply from Ciara Brady: What What?!? Maybe he can buy me some new jewelry.

Reply from J. Theresa Donovan: Move over Little Cuz HE IS MINE!

Reply from Annie M.: I saw him first!

Reply from Will Horton: Puh-leaze! Nobody in their right mind would make such a fuss over a loser like him.

Reply from Sonny Kiriakis: :eek:
 
Reply from Stefano: :rotfl::rotfl:Roman?! Not only are his cops a joke, but my spies tell me that all he does is hide from that bossy and wealthy socialite, Giselle van Hopper.
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Reply from Marlena: Stefano, how is it you know Roman hides from Gazelle, Grizella, or whatever her name is, but yet you can't find Sami and your grandchildren???
 
Tweet from Dr. Richard Baker: OMG, I've just got to get parole! Since landing in prison, I've read every book there is on card counting and teaming with Melanie Jonas would be perfect. I could more than make up for all my losses suffered when I was a gambling addict.

Reply from Vargas: Count me in. I learned a few prayers while staying at St. Luke's rectory and asking for a little divine intervention to help a card counting plan couldn't hurt.

Reply from Gus: I want in too. The continental savoir faire that I learned while working for my Madame would help convince any casino that my companions and I were sophisticated, refined high-rollers, not card counters.

Reply from Roman: Sorry guys, If I've got any say, they'll be no parole for you. You are living proof that the Salem P.D. occasionally makes arrests that result in prison terms.
 
Reply to Roman from Gus: How small minded and petty of you, Roman. Perhaps you'd elevate your thinking if you came to your senses and began a relationship with Giselle van Hopper, who is almost as cultured and refined as Madame.

Reply from Vargas: Hey, Roman, why take it out on us that your police force is a joke? P.S., everybody here knows that Clyde Weston is flooding Salem with drugs AND bedding your ex-wife, Kate Roberts. Why don't you??

Reply from Dr. Baker: Relax, gentlemen. We'll be out soon enough and cleaning up at every casino in the U.S. In the meantime, we can console ourselves with the knowledge that we meet a better class of people here in prison than we would in Salem.
 
Tweet from Hollywood Big Shot No. 1: How did that kid, Will Horton, work out as a screenwriter?

Reply from Hollywood Big Shot No. 2: Awful, the hopeless hack couldn't even spell. We had to let him go. That sleazy rag, Sonix, can have him.

Reply from Hollywood Big Shot No. 3: He was beyond bad. Here's a sample of his work: "Caroline Brady: Samantha, dere, do you reely think that you shood resoom your relayshun ship with EJ? Sami Brady: Oh, grandmother deer, don't worrie. EJ has reformed trooly. He'z changed."

Reply from Sami: You stupid doodyheads, that's brilliant screenwriting!!! Better than Woody Allen or Francis Ford Coppola!! And who let my Will go? I HATE you, them, or whoever!!

Reply from Lucas: Sigh, that's Sami. Hollywood or Salem, she never changes.
 
Facebook post by Sonny Kiriakis: I'm so glad my husband and daughter are home for Christmas! This is the best Christmas present ever.
Reply from Will Horton: Don't let them in, don't let them see. Be the good writer you always have to be. Conceal, don't feel, put on a show. One wrong move and everyone will know. Yeah, Hollywood sucks, anyway. It's good to be home! Also, how could I miss my husband's first Horton ornament hanging?
Reply from Abigail Deveraux: You do know Ben's gonna get his ornament before Sonny does, right?
Reply from Lucas Horton: I thought only fiances and spouses do...?
Reply from Will Horton: HA! (points at Abigail)
Reply from Abigail Deveraux: I HATE YOU, WILL!
 
Reply from Anne Milbauer: I think I may be able to answer that question for you. You terrorized Jennifer Horton or something, right?
Reply from Peter Blake: I DID IT OUT OF LOVE, OKAY? :cry:
Reply from Anne Milbauer: Well, apparently, terrorizing Her Royal Hortonness- aka Jennifer- is a life sentence.
Reply from Hope Brady: I REALLY hate admitting this, but you're right, Anne. That's why Peter is STILL in jail.
 
Reply from Jeannie T: So, Petey boy, you terrorized Darling Jenny? I'd like to hear more about this. By the way, is it true you're like one of those rich DiMeras? If so, I REALLY want to hear more about you terrorizing Jen-Jen. I think we could really hit it off.... unless you're ugly or not one of those rich DiMeras. Speaking of the DiMeras, did you know my dad used to own the DiMera Mansion. Any chance you could get that back for me?
 
Jungle Madness said:
Tweet from Peter Blake: Why I am still in prison? What I did wasn't nearly as bad as what father and Kristen have gotten away with. Besides I was out of my mind at the time. NoJusticeInSalem
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Reply from Dr. Baker, Gus, and Vargas: We feel your pain. And it's not just Stefano and Kristen. How about Brady (ordering Chad shot), Jeannie T. (assault by poker), Eve (criminal conspiracy), Chyka (attempted murder by gas), Clyde (felony murder), Kate (attempted murder by brownie), Bo and Hope (kidnapping Fake Rafe), and Victor (kidnapping Stefano). NoJusticeInSalem!!!!
 
Rely from "The Buffingly Popular Guy": Don't forget ol' EJ. I know for a fact he was a king pin in the drug business. Too bad he got tangled up with the wrong folks! We....er, I mean, they took care of him good, real good. LOL

Reply from Sami: SHUT UP you stoopid guy! My sweet smoochy-moochy would've never been involved in anything illegal. As the matter of fact, I'm going to Rome to ask that Pope Francis dude to make my wonderful husband a saint for all of his good works. Saint Elvis. He can be the patron saint of Salem. Gonna ask for him to change the name of St. Luke's to St. Elvis of the DiMera, too.

Reply from Susan: Normally I think you're an idiot, Sami, but this time I agree with you. My sweet baby boy is an absolute saint. By the way, don't you have to be dead to be a saint??

Reply from Roman: Dammit Sami! You didn't tell Susan her idiot son was killed????

Reply from Susan: NOOOOOOOO, not my sweet little lamb! NO NO NO NO! You're mean, mean, mean!

Reply from Stefano: Don't worry, you sniveling twit. Have you learned nothing over the years??? I have my best doctors making sure he'll live again. Stupid woman. You'd think this is the first time she's ever seen a DiMera "die".
 
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