The winter issue of the Shyster is now available.
SALEM JUSTICE SYSTEM -- AGAIN
In the last issue, we decried the awful state of the police, bench, and bar in Salem. Since then, things seem to have gone from bad to worse. Once again, authorities have failed to keep archcriminal Kristen DiMera behind bars, meaning that nobody in Salem is safe from her sick plots. And just when it seemed as if EJ DiMera might finally face justice, his trial devolved into a farce, with both attorneys, the judge, and the defendant making fools of themselves. If only Mayor Carver would get his personal affairs in order, he might be able to turn his attentions to badly needed reforms.
Ask the Shyster
Q: What was so bad about the EJ trial.
A: Everything. The career-criminal defendant chose to take the stand, allowing the district attorney to turn him into hash. His defense attorney failed to call key witnesses and didn't effectively cross-examine Chad DiMera. Finally, the judge convicted Mr. DiMera without virtually no evidence to support his decision. Instead, the defendant lost on the dubious supposition that if he'd kidnapped Sami Brady before, he must have done it again.
Q: There's a rumor going around that certain persons are wearing masks that make them look exactly like other Salemites. Is this legal?
A If it's part of a criminal enterprise, it most certainly is. This includes attempting to make it seem as if a kidnapping victim is safe and sound.
Q: Dr. Marlena Evans was supposedly possessed by the devil recently. Is this a crime?
A: According to reliable accounts of the kidnapping, all sorts of criminal acts were involved. Unfortunately, Satan, like Kristen DiMera, is beyond the reach of the Salem legal system.