Facebook posts and Tweets from Salemites, Part 23

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DrBakerFan

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Attention readers, the latest issue of the tell-all, pull-no-punches Salem Intruder is now available! Check out some of these exciting articles:

Andre DiMera's Heartbreak: His Horrifying Prison Experiences and Brave Search for Justice;
Victor Kiriakis's Real Problem: He's Broke ... Broke!!;
Sad Hope Brady: Her Life Without Bo -- Is Romance in Her Future?;
DiMera Mansion Horror!: The Shocking Facts About Ben Weston's Injuries that the Police Don't Want You to Know!
Kayla Johnson Dumps Steve: Does the Swashbuckling Patch Have a Chance to Save Their Love?;
Grandmasters Tell All!: Stefano DiMera Cheated at Chess!
Salem High Sewage Horror as Students Flee Tsunami of Filth!: Is Abe Carver to Blame?!
Jeremy Horton -- Almost Nine Years on the Run: Where Could He Be and What Does He Look Like Now?
 
DrBakerFan said:
Sad Hope Brady: Her Life Without Bo -- Is Romance in Her Future?;
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Reply from Salem resident: I hear that hunky cop, Rafe Hernandez, has taken a shine to the Widow Jennings-Brady.

Reply from Sami: What?? Oh no, that can't be right. Rafe still belongs to me, ME, Salem's Good Twin. So does Lucas, and Brandon, too. But you can have stoopid Austin.
 
Tweet from Belle: I am not responsible for my daughter ending up in jail. It's a big lie spread by my ex-husband. As my true love, Philip, says, I'm a wonderful mother.

Reply from Marlena: Belle dear, we really need to talk.

Reply from the residents of Tinda Lau: Wait a minute. Belle and her husband once visited us while they were running away from Philip Kiriakis -- their arch-enemy. Salem must be a strange place.

Reply from Sami: Belle a good mother? :eek: She's the worst. No good mother would take up with a sleaze like doodyhead Philip!

Reply from Marlena: Sami dear, try to be kinder. Your sister is going through a lot right now.

Reply from Sami: A lot? What could be worse than the death of my darling smoochy-moochy?! I'm the good twin and BEST mother and it's my duty to out bad mothers. I HATE them.
 
Facebook post from Hope to Ciara: Honey, I know this is not your fault. It's all your little friend, Claire's, fault. I just knew that girl was bad news. Her parents must be real pieces of work to have raised such a trouble-maker. Their parents should be shot for raising such loser kids. You can tell when people are raised correctly and it's obvious that Claire's parents weren't. Ugh.

Reply from Sami: And they call me stoopid and clooless.
 
Facebook post from the REAL Ciara Brady: Hey everybody, that is NOT the REAL Ciara in Salem! I'm still 9 years old and being held on an island somewhere. Oh, and some guy who said he's my Great Uncle Tommy said to say "hi".
 
Facebook post from Jade's mother to Jade: Dear, it's time we talked about boarding school again. Before, you were a typical slacker teen like that Rory from down the street, but now things have gotten serious. OMG, you're in jail! And why? Because you're hanging out with that awful Joey who's rumored to have murdered a woman, that sour troublemaker Ciara Brady whose mother is said to have shot that nice old Mr. DiMera, and that singer Claire whose mother is a shyster lawyer who's consorting with that shaggy sleaze Philip Kiriakis.

Reply from Sami: Hey Jade's mom, take it from me, the good twin, get your kid away from that Claire. She's the daughter of my stoopid sister Belle who is a Class A doodyhead who grew up under the influence of that life-ruiner John Black. I HATE them and so should you!
 
Tweet from Belle: My daughter is impossible. Every time I bring up her bad behavior, she tosses my poor relationship with her father in my face.

Reply from Kayla: My son is the worst. He just got away with something I really, really can't talk about, and now he's in trouble again. I hate to say it, but he's just as bad as his father.

Reply from Hope: What ever happened to my charmingly precocious daughter from last year? She's suddenly now a bigger sourpuss than Eric Brady, and I just can't get through to her.

Reply from Mother Jade: My daughter is hopeless. She does no work at school, thinks she's in love with some jerk, and just went to jail. Well, some time picking fruits and veggies in the Florida sun will teach her a lesson.

Reply from Abe: My son is so stubborn. He's got a thing for a really troubled teen girl and won't recognize the fact that she'll dump him for the first handsome, well-mannered hunk who comes along.

Reply from Ghost Aiden: My son is a total disaster, but I can't blame him. He was thrown under the bus by the writers just as I was.

Reply from Sami: OMG, you people (especially Belle) are all stoopid losers, not like me, the good twin and best mother. If I was your child's parent, he/she would be perfect in every way just like my darling kids, Wynken, Blynken, Nod, and little Jack Horner.

Reply from Roman: Dammit, Sami, those are characters in .... Oh, why bother. Hey, I've finally got a murder case that I can bring to the attention of the D.A. Life is good.
 
Reply from Jett Carver: Hey, Uncle Abe, you're so right about girls in Salem. The current teen girls are surely as shallow and clueless as the ones I met while I was living in Salem. This Ciara Brady (isn't she about eleven years old?) is certainly no different. She'll dump poor Cousin Theo the minute she sees some handsome hunk whose manners are one cut above the caveman level. Just show Theo this picture of me and my old pal Jeremy Horton (where is he now anyway?) and he'll get the point.

DAYS%2006-01-07-1.jpg

Me and Jeremy -- Salem -- Summer 2007 -- those were the days.
 
Facebook post by Fine Salem Auctions, Inc.: We proudly announce an auction of fine furnishings and other items of interest to be held at the Kiriakis Mansion next Saturday at 1 P.M. Items made available for bid by leading businessman Mr. Deimos Kiriakis include: a wide selection of clunky antique furniture; invaluable porcelain vases, fine, deep-pile Persian rugs; assorted paintings by brilliant, well-known artists, including some by Old Masters; genuine Ancient Greek sculptures; a leather-bound, gilt edge copy of Great Zingers to Use on People You Love to Hate; an assortment of quality cookie recipe books; gardeners' uniforms once worn by the notorious felons, Owen Kent and Xander Cook; and a unique marble sarcophagus with a video/audio hook-up. Be sure to attend. Don't miss this opportunity to acquire valuable items, which will make your home a showplace.
 
Tweet from Hope: OMG, OMG, it can't be true, but it is!! Aiden Jennings is standing in my living room!!!

Reply from Chad: Relax, you're seeing things just like Abigail. Just close your eyes and he'll go away.

Reply from Belle: Rats, with a real lawyer in town, I'll lose all my clients.

Reply from Shawn: Good grief. I hope this isn't a trend. If Willow Stark returns, it'll ruin my chances to reconcile with Belle.

Reply from Andre: Oh my, I hope this is a trend and my dear father will again be alive again.

Reply from Gabi: Wow, if Nick returns, I won't be a murderer any more.

Reply from Deimos: If Helena comes back from the dead, I might be tempted to return Victor's worldly goods -- but I won't.
 
Facebook post from Mr. Burns, Chief Administrator of Salem University Hospital: Unfortunately, it has come to our attention that Mr. Aiden Jennings who was declared dead by EMTs from University Hospital is still alive, and that we failed to detect that the dead man whom we autopsied was a body double. All I can say is oopsie-doopsie. Pleased be assured that in the future, our staff will be instructed to always be aware of the possibility of a body double when a leading Salemite is the victim of a homicide.
 
Attention Readers -- the latest issue of the exciting Salem Intruder is now available. Among our hard-hitting stories this week are:

Salem Cop Arrests Dead Man! The Shocking Details!

Prom Horror: Bullying and Vandalism as Salem Teens Run Amok!

Maggie Kiriakis's Mystery Baby: Is This a Scam? Brady Black Says No, but the Intruder Says Yes!

Cruel Son Spurns Dad: Eduardo Hernandez's Sad Quest for Redemption!

John Black's Heartache as His Old Company is Passed Around Like Yesterday's Newspaper!

Kate Roberts: Why is Salem Exec Drawn to Sleazy Men? The Untold Story!
 
Facebook post from Aiden to Roman: You have to believe me, you HAVE to! Andre DiMera replaced me with a lookalike that night, and held me captive somewhere.

Reply from Roman: You expect me to believe the DiMeras created someone who looked just like you? That's a little far-fetched, don't you think?

Reply from Aiden: What??? :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek: From what I've read and have been told, YOU were replaced by John Black, who looked NOTHING LIKE YOU, and everybody bought it. Then you came back, with your real face, left your wife after finding out your baby belonged to John, and eventually was brought back to Salem, courtesy of the DiMeras, looking like your old best friend, Chris Kositchek. And you find what happened to me, hard to believe?? Also, do the names Princess Gina, Hattie Adams and Arnold Finnegar ring any bells?

Reply from Roman: Dammit, Sami!

Reply from Sami: What?? What did I do this time, daddy?

Reply from Roman: Never mind, it's just my go-to when I'm frustrated or upset. Sorry, Peanut.
 
Facebook post by the Law Offices of Aiden Jennings, P.C.: Great news, Salem. The Law Offices of Aiden Jennings, Esq. have reopened are are waiting to assist you with your legal matters. Long thought to be dead after apparently being shot by veteran Salem felon Bo Brady while he allegedly to tried to strangle his new bride, Hope Brady, Mr. Jennings, is in fact alive, well, and completely innocent. Instead of being a necktie strangler, Mr. Jennings was replaced by a body double and cruelly imprisoned by the DiMera crime family before cleverly escaping with a help of a little bird. His horrible experiences have given Mr. Jennings new sympathy for accused persons who have been convicted by the media and the incompetent Salem P.D. and have only seemingly ridiculous alibis. So if you are accused of a crime and your alibi sounds like total b/s, call the Law Offices of Aiden Jennings today! When other lawyers say no, Aiden Jennings says YES!
 
Facebook post from Salem Fine Flowers: Great news, Salem. We now have available a limited supply of beautiful, ominous, and fresh black roses. This is your opportunity to send a message to those whom you hold in low regard or are planning to kill. Remember, nothing says "I hate you" or "your days are numbered" like a dozen black roses. Order now, supplies are limited.

Reply from Sami: Send a dozen each to that hag, Kate, that trampy babyswitcher, Nicole Walker, and that shower-loving harlot Abigail Deveraux. I HATE them!

Reply from Andre: Send a dozen to Hope Brady along with a card that says, "You are still a bad cop, Stefano." That ought to add to Ms. Brady's heartburn. :rotfl:
 
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