Facebook posts and Tweets from Salemites, Part 24

The Intruder starts the New Year off with shocking, hard-hitting headlines.

Chloe Lane's Coma: Inside Information from Hospital Physicians Who Don't Care About Doctor-Patient Confidentiality!

Is Stefano DiMera Alive?: The Intruder Digs Deep for the Answer! You Won't Believe Where He Might Be!

Grumbling at the Salem P.D.: Department Veterans Speak Out About Quick Promotion for Rookie Cop with Connections!

Chaos at the DiMera Mansion: Reports of Major Marital Problems as Chad Reunites with Resurrected Wife!

How Low Can She Go?: Shocking Revelations About Kate Roberts Brady's Affair with Retired Assassin and Suspected Racketeer!

Hope Brady's Prison Problems: The Deadly Dangers She Faces! Sign the Intruder's Petition to Free Her Now!

Kissless Roman Brady: Will the Lovelorn Police Commissioner Find Romance in 2017? The Top Ten Possible New Girlfriends!

New Year's Greetings from Sami Brady: Whom Does She Hate Now? Could You Be on Her Latest List!?
 
The bored "Real Housewives of Prague" have read online about the arrival of the anti-Stefano task force and are commenting on social media.

Bored Housewife No. 1: OMG, that Rafe Hernandez is so handsome. I'd like to invite him over for drinks and a little romance.

Reply from Sami: Keep your grubby mitts off my Rafe or I'll come to town and toss you down the Prague Castle steps. All 200+ of them.

Reply from Bored Housewife No. 2: Has that charming John Black arrived yet? I'd like to climb onto a tabletop with him.

Reply from Sami: OMG, you'll fall off that tabletop into the abyss. He's a life-ruiner and a doodyhead. I HATE him!!

Reply from Bored Housewife No. 3: I like that Steve Johnson. He's looks like a real bad boy.

Reply from Sami: Bad boy? More like bad news. Ask his long-suffering wife how many times she's been kidnapped. And his son is a dazed and confused delinquent.

Reply from Bored Housewife No. 4: That Paul Narita is hot. I like 'em young.

Reply from Sami: Are you kidding? He's doodyheaded John Black's son, which means that he's a life-ruiner in training.
 
Reply from Marlena: Sami, dear, we really need to talk about this attitude of yours. You simply can't continue to go around hating everyone and everything in your path. Look at your perfect sister, Carrie, and how kind and loving she is.

Reply from Anna: Yeah, my daughter is absolutely perfect. I did a great job of raising her.

Reply from Marlena: You raised her?? Oh, that's rich. She's more my daughter than yours.

Reply from Anna: Dream on, Doc! Carrie is my perfect little jewel and it's all because of me.

Reply from Marlena: Shut up! I HATE you!

Reply from Sami: See, see how easy it is, mom??! Join me on the dark side!

Reply from Roman: Dammit, all of you!
 
Reply from Sami: Calm down, Daddy. Don't let that doodyhead, Anna, get to you. She's lunatic, just like her awful hag daughter, Carrie, the pathetic lost-cat lawyer who's married to that boring, useless, Austin.

Reply from Anna: How dare you!

Reply from Sami: Oh, you're definitely playing with a short deck. I've heard about you running amok, waving a gun, and threatening to kill dear old Stefano. And I still remember how you forced smoochy-moochy into kidnapping Sydney and hiding her from me in that awful cottage!

Reply from Anna: Forced?! How dare you!

Reply from Sami: Doodyhead, doodyhead, doodyhead. I HATE you and Carrie too.

Reply from Marlena: Sami, please. Oh, I give up.

Reply from Roman: Dammit, me too. I'm already stressed out from trying to manage my dysfunctional police officers. I never know when one of them will go to jail, go on the DiMera payroll, or have an affair with their girlfriend's mother.
 
Facebook post from Chet, prison employee: Don't you hate when you help a prisoner escape and accidentally kill them?? Sheesh, try to do a good deed and it goes down the toilet.

Reply from Roman: What da' hell??

Reply from Chet: Never mind, just kidding. No prison breaks here. Nothing to see. Minding my own business. Move along.
 
Facebook post from Rafe to Roman: Boy, you sure know how to pick 'em. That first wife of yours, Anna, is a real piece of work. She accidentally shot Steve.

Reply from Roman: What da' hell???

Reply from Rafe: That's not all. She's a few sandwiches shy of a whole picnic. She carries Tony DiMera's ashes with her.

Reply from Roman: Seriously?? That's weird, even for her. Hey, Rafe, is she still single? Just wondering.

Reply from Rafe: :eek:
 
Reply from Sami: OMG, Daddy, stay away from that crazy doodyhead Anna. This could be the year that Mom wakes up to the proven fact that John Black is a stoopid, coma-plagued life-ruiner, and comes back to you!

Reply from Carrie: Sami, don't you dare talk about my mother!

Reply from Sami: Doodyhead, doodyhead, doodyhead. Your mother is a big, big doodyhead and so are you! I've heard that you and that dimwitted Austin are so stoopid that you don't even know the name of your child.

Reply from Carrie: Yes, I do, and I'll have you know that I'm a big-time lawyer who can now speak five European languages!

Reply from Sami: Big deal. You can't say anything intelligent in any of them. :rotfl:
 
DrBakerFan said:
Reply from Sami: Doodyhead, doodyhead, doodyhead. Your mother is a big, big doodyhead and so are you! I've heard that you and that dimwitted Austin are so stoopid that you don't even know the name of your child.
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Reply from Marlena: Sami, dear, please don't be so mean to your sister. And might I remind you, that you don't even know how many children you have, much less their names. Those in glass houses, honey.

Reply from Sami: Shut up! I do too know my kids: Horshack, Barbarino, Epstein, Washington and Kotter. By the way, a glass house would be cool! Everybody could always see me and how Truly Radiant I am, 24/7!
 
As the Great Hope Hunt continues, Salem P.D. officers text Lt. Raines with the results of their efforts.

Officer No. 1: I've checked all Salem hen houses. No Hope, but a farmer gave me some fresh eggs. Omelets anyone?

Officer No. 2: All Salem barns, doghouses, and cabins checked. OMG, those Horton cabin raccoons are tougher than any DIMera thug.

Officer No. 3: Checked all warehouses. Met Dario Hernandez. What a sketchy sleaze!

Officer No. 4: Checked all farm houses, including the one where our favorite drunk driver, Eric Brady, lives. Hope's not there. I looked under the bed.

Officer No. 5: Done checking mansions. Vicki Bush came on to me, and Giselle van Hopper wants Commissioner Brady to stop by for drinks and a smooch.

Officer No. 6: Checked all outhouses, including the one at the K-mansion that Old Man Kiriakis makes his unwanted house guests use.
 
Salemites tune in to the inauguration news coverage.

Deimos: Hmm, if this microchip thing doesn't work out maybe a corporate tax cut could help Titan's bottom line.

Roman: Those secret service agents are quite impressive. So that's what a professional law enforcement organization looks like.

Claire: This is so boring. I'm going to check Facebook and Twitter instead.

Sami: I wasn't invited to the inauguration nor any of the inaugural balls. How could this happen?? I HATE everyone in Washington!
 
Additional post from Claire: Why wasn't I asked to sing at the inauguration? Don't they know who I am?? I have thousands of YouTube followers. Jerks!

Rory: Bet they could all use some of my "product" so everybody would be mellow and chill.

Rafe: Wait, was that Stefano in the crowd??

Eduardo: Boy, security looks so tight that even an assassin like me couldn't get through.

Victor: By next week, all of those politicians will be in my back pocket.

Jennifer: Those women are so unstylish, not a single bare arm to be seen. Ugh.

Kate: So many men to snag.

Caroline: Should've gone to DC and set up a food truck to sell Brady burgers, bowls of chowder and Wanchai Ferry.

Shane: Bunch of traitors.
 
Facebook post from Claire to Theo: Hey, I bet that Barron Trump will now have access to some awesome spying tools. We should get your dad to introduce us to him.

Reply from Theo: But my dad's only the mayor of Salem. Not like he's friends with the president or anything.

Reply from Claire: Oh, come on! We're Salemites. No doors are closed to us and our cell phones are programmed with every single important number in existence.
 
Reply from Mayor Abe: Hey, that inauguration was quite something. When I'm sworn in after being re-elected again, I'm going to spiff up my inauguration -- bands, a parade, limos, balls, etc.

Reply from Claire: I can't wait. I'll be the queen of the balls and all the publicity will get me more hits on YouTube.

Reply from Chloe: And I could sing!

Reply from Claire: Forget it, you washed up baby-mama. People want to see a spirited, attractive, young singer, not a multiple coma victim who's been mean to that poor Nicole lady.

Reply from Marlena: Claire dear, please, you're starting to sound just like Sami.

Reply from Sami: Forget it, Mom. The kid doesn't have what it takes. I'd have called Chloe a lot worse than "washed-up baby mama" and would have also tossed in some stinging insults aimed at doodyheaded life-ruiner John Black, stoopid Carrie, bad-twin Eric, and that decrepit hag, Kate.
 
Tweet from Town Square habitue: OMG, Nicole Walker, the old Titan TV reporter, just knifed some lowlife guy in the Town Square!

Reply from Ghost Nick: You knifed a lowlife? Join the club, Nicole.

Reply from Melinda Trask: Great another chance for a big conviction! First Hope Brady and now Nicole Walker. I'll be governor or senator in no time.

Reply from Victor: She's at it again -- trying to kill a man. I always knew that she was no good. I'm such a great judge of character.

Reply from Sami: The babyswitcher says she did it to save the man she loves from deadly danger. Yeah, right. Like that would ever happen.

Reply from Chloe: That does it. What I told Brady about the baby no longer applies. Baby Holly is my child!!
 
Facebook post from Claire: Ugh, I hate my roommates, especially my stoopid Aunt Ciara. I'm sick of them calling me a princess, like I'm so spoiled. Can somebody come and carry me to the frozen yogurt place?? My feet are tired and I want some fro-yo.
 
Unlike the Spectator, which is in a state of suspended animation while Jenny recruits a staff willing to work for her, the Intruder is on the job.

The DiMera-Kiriakis War Heats Up; Who Will Be the Next Victim?!

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Andre Strikes!: The stricken Isabella Kiriakis slips beneath the waves.

The Great Stefano Hunt: Is It a Farce? The Intruder Has the Answers!

Sainthood for Dr. Daniel Jonas!: Could It Happen? Bishop Wright Speaks Out!

Heartbroken Nicole Walker in Jail Again!: Will She Lose Baby Holly?

Teens Sharing Apartments: The Dangers Your Child Could Face!

Salem's Lovelorn Tech Geeks: Will They Ever Find the Perfect Girl?

Coma Miracle: Chloe Lane Leaps from Hospital Bed and Races to Confront Deimos! Our Experts Explain How This Could Happen!

What Fashionable Salemites Are Wearing This Season: Heavy Winter Clothing Is Definitely Out!
 
Facebook post from Maggie: Oh! That Chloe makes me so angry, keeping MY grandchild, the child of my Sainted Daniel, away from me. I could just scream. I wish someone would just kill her.

Reply from Victor: I'm on it.

Reply from Deimos: Need some help, brother? I'm here for you.

Reply from Sonny: Awww, it gives me warm fuzzies to see you guys bonding over the thought of putting a hit on someone. :sarcasm:
 
Facebook post from Taxes on the Square: Hey, Salemites, it's that time of year again. Time to start gathering up your tax documents and filing your income taxes. We're extending our evening and weekend hours to provide everyone with convenient service. Mention this post to receive a 10% discount. Don't delay! Make your appointment with a friendly and knowledgeable tax professional today!

Reply from Claire: What are income taxes??

Reply from Joey: Are you that dumb? They're the taxes you have to pay on the money you make.

Reply from Claire: That doesn't sound right. Why do I have to pay taxes on my own money?? That's stoopid.

Reply from Ciara: It's the law. Everybody has to pay taxes.

Reply from Theo: Yeah, even if you make money off your YouTube videos, you have to pay income taxes on it.

Reply from Claire: What?? No way, I'm not giving anybody any of my YouTube money. I made $7.00 last month! Won't be long until I'm making enough to support myself! I'm not paying any income taxes and that's that!

Reply from Roman: Dammit, Claire! I don't need another law-breaking Brady in town! Pay your damn taxes!
 
Tweet from the detective whose job was saved when Bo Brady left the Salem P.D. to other members of his "Mock JJ Deveraux" group, which was formerly known as the "Mock Rafe" and "Mock D.A. Justin" group.

Tweet from member 1: How's the boy-wonder and instant detective doing on his big docks investigation?

Reply from member 2: Not so good. I heard that the boy wonder's mother is interfering with things.

Reply from member 3: OMG, it sounds like the kid needs experienced help.

Reply from member 4: Well, I put a baby rattle and a rubber ducky in his locker.

Reply from member 1: Way to go. Let's head over to the Pub for a few cold ones. Maybe we'll get to see Nicole Walker brawl with that nut case, Chloe Lane, over custody of Baby Holly.
 
While Jenny and the Spectator staff spin their wheels, the Intruder is right on the job providing Salemites with hard-hitting news stories.

When Will Nicole Walker Get Her Baby?: Hard-Hearted Chloe Lane Still Says, "NEVER!"

Bumbling Prague Squad's DiMera Hunt Ends Badly: Where Is Salem's Most Famous Citizen Now?

Steve and Kayla Johnson to Wed: Will It Last?: The Intruder Posts the Odds!

Who or What Is "The Key?": The Intruder Scoops Deimos Kiriakis, Dario Hernandez, and Andre DiMera!

The Great Hope Hunt: Why Can't the Salem P.D. Find Her?: The Intruder's Top Ten Hiding Places!

Who Should Raise Baby Holly?: Here's the Latest Shocking Intruder Poll!
  • 88% - Nicole Walker
  • 8% - Maggie Kiriakis (Ruffles McRed)
  • 2% - Sami Brady
  • 1% - Horton Cabin Raccoons
  • .6% - Forest Preserve Bear
  • .4% - Chloe Lane
 
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