Facebook posts and Tweets from Salemites, Part 26

Facebook post from Brady to John: Hey dad, Kristen is pregnant with my baby. I mean, yeah, I know it's Kristen and all, but still, I'm excited to become a dad again.

Reply from John: [groan] Word of advice son, just check to make sure it's not a pillow under her shirt, every. single. day.
 
Tweet from Julie: That awful Gabi ought to give me her heart to make up for cruelly murdering my dear Nicky.

Tweet from Gabi: I'm going to speak to my beloved Stefan about donating his mother's heart to Julie. It's about time useless Vivian did a good deed.

Tweet from Sami: So what if Kate didn't die. Give her heart to Julie anyway. Julie can make better use of it than that old blue-chunked hag.

Tweet from Jenny: I'm going to speak to that awful Eve about donating her heart to Julie. I'll bet that even Paige would want her to do it.

Tweet from Jordan: Julie needs a heart? Just send me the name of a donor, dead or alive, and I'll take care of it.
 
Facebook "Seeking Recommendations" Post from Shoshanna Wong, Salem University Freshman (and valedictorian of Salem's unseen class of ‘19):

I'm picking my major this week. I'm not sure if I want to major in Business or Medicine. On the one hand, I'd love working for that gullible hunk, Brady Black. On the other, in the same time I could earn my Bachelor's in Business, I could earn my MD and be working at St Mary's. My friend Raoul Kwiatkowski just declared last week and he's already got an internship lined up with Dr Kayla Brady Johnson at Salem U for Spring. Really don't know what I should do!!
 
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Facebook post from Sami to Gabi: Hey, I just got you a new Christmas ornament. Get it??? :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

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Reply from Gabi: :angry::angry::angry::sad::sad::sad:

Reply from Marlena: Sami dear, that's really insensitive and unkind, even for you.

Reply from Sami: Oh, lighten up, mom. Here's one for John. Get it, get it?? :rotfl::rotfl:

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Reply from Marlena: :angry::angry: Samantha Gene, we need to have a serious talk.
 
Facebook post from Princess Gina: Oh dear, a Horton wedding is today. Eli, who I see from this chart is Hope's great-nephew. Yes, I shall go to "my" great-nephew's wedding and give him ol' Auntie Hope's best wishes....while I look for my true love, John Black.

Reply from Rolf: My dear Gina, you must know that everyone refers to Eli as the cousin of Hope Brady.

Reply from Gina: What kind of ridiculous nonsense is that?? Pretending to be someone you're not.

Reply from Rolf: Oh, the irony, my dear Princess.
 
Tweet from Henderson: Help! Anyone with expertise in cleaning sofas after they have been used for unseemly purposes, please let me know your cleaning secrets. Justin and Adrienne got a little carried away after agreeing to remarry.

Reply from Sonny: Good grief, my parents … on the mansion sofa?? :eek::eek::sick::sick:

Reply from Harold: I'll send you my complete guide entitled Sanitizing Salem Love Couches. My method works like a charm. If it could clean the DiMera Love Couch after it was used by EJ and Samantha Brady, it can clean anything. By the way, are Justin and Adrienne ever going to stop sponging off Victor and buy their own house?

Reply from Xander: You'd better study that guide thoroughly, Hendy. Once I win the fair Sarah's heart, the K-Mansion sofa is going to be getting quite a workout.

Reply from Eric: OMG, not Sarah and … Xander?? :eek::sad::sad::cry::cry::cry:
 
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On her Facebook page, Nicole posts about what life with Eric is really like.

Everyone seems to think that Eric is so wonderful, but they should try living with him.
  • When he watches sports on TV he looks all hurt and sulks when his team loses.
  • He calls out Sarah's name during his sleep. (I hate that.)
  • He acts like he has a job, but never brings home a paycheck.
  • He makes fun of me when I watch Ellen or my favorite soaps like Young and the Restless.
  • Half the time, he isn't home at night because he's over at St. Luke's with the parish Rosary Society.
  • He often sits on the sofa sticking pins into what he says is his Xander doll (weird).
  • When he shaves (rarely) he never cleans the bathroom sink afterward.
  • He goes on and on about how Marlena and Roman like Sami better.
  • In his overall behavior, he's more childish than Holly.
 
Facebook post from Sami: Wait, my grouchy bad twin has a baby?? I think someone messed up. That kid is far too sweet and happy to have my sourpuss twin as a father. Mackenzie is MY baby with Rafe. Yes, I'm certain of it.

Reply from Rafe: Uhhh, Sami, she's not "our" child and she's not "your" child. She's Sarah and Eric's child. Besides, back when Mickey was conceived, we weren't together and I was busy taking care of baby David.

Reply from Sami: Oh, yeah, baby David. Now THAT is our kid. I knew you and I had a kid together somewhere. Tell David that his mommy loves him and will see him soon. I'm busy with EJ and my other kids, Donny, Marie, Jimmy, Wayne, Merrill, Jay and Alan right now.

Reply from Rafe: Sigh...
 
Reply from Sami: Hold the phone, I just learned that on Baby Mackenzie's birth certificate my wonderful son Xander (he IS my son) is listed as the father. This means that the baby is my grandchild.

Reply from Marlena: Sami dear, the birth certificate is wrong. Eric is the baby's father.

Reply from Sami: Who told you that, life-ruining John Black? That doodyhead doesn't know how to read supermarket fliers, much less birth certificates.

Reply from Marlena: No dear, it wasn't John. It's common knowledge. Even Xander isn't contesting Eric's paternity.

Reply from Sami: Common knowledge? It's not even common sense. There's no way that the stoopid Bad Twin could be a father. He's too busy weeping, sulking, whining, growling, and occasionally praying to get any woman pregnant.

Reply from John Black: Sorry Sami, but in Salem anything is possible. The dead rise, people regrow body parts, amnesiacs get elected mayor, comas are as common and harmless as the common cold, and some women actually sleep with Eric. That's a fact.
 
Reply from Sami: I HATE Kristen -- not only for all the things she's done to Mom over the years, but that she also drove the Bad Twin out of the priesthood. If this doodyhead was still keeping his vows of celibacy, it would be so much easier for everyone. Sex-obsessed, ex-priest Eric is a disgrace to the family.

Reply from Marlena: Sami dear, be nice. Poor Eric has had so many problems in his life.

Reply from Sami: And they're all his own fault. if it wasn't for stoopid Eric, we'd have a perfect family, just like my darling smoochy-moochy has.

Reply from Marlena: OMG Sami, the DiMeras perfect? Have you lost your mind, etc., etc., etc.

Reply from John: Easy Doc. When Sami is on a roll, there's no telling what will come out of her mouth.
 
Facebook post by Kate:

Wanted: A refuge for a sophisticated, refined, dignified criminal mastermind needed. A touch of luxury is preferred. Only offers from persons with a flexible moral attitude and a distaste for local law enforcement will be considered. Contact Kate Roberts at the Brady Pub.
 
Reply from the Smith Island Preserve bear:

I get a little lonely out here with only the raccoons, squirrels and occasional romping lovers. He's welcome to stay with me. While it's a little rustic, I fancy myself a sophisticated bear. I can put out a nice spread and offer him stimulating games of chess. PS: can you send him over with some of Caroline Brady's famous clam chowder, a tasty plate of Wanchai Ferry and a couple heaping servings of Choco-Puffs and EJ Chow??

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Salem's leading prison inmates weigh in on recent arrivals.

Tweet from Vargas: Clyde Weston is the worst -- always making threats, throwing his weight around, and even cheating at cards. If he does one more thing, I'm going to send him to the prison hospital.

Tweet from Dr. Baker: I don't care what people claim that Ben Weston did. He seems like a good guy to me. He's also one of the few people whom I can beat in poker games.

Tweet from Gus: I hear that Will Horton is a writer. I'm going to ask him to write an article about me. Maybe, my beloved Madame will see it, remember me, and then get me out of this place.

Tweet from Little Joey Johnson: I'm going to ask Will and Ben if their visitors have mentioned my Dad. I can't believe that he would just leave Mom without a word. There's something dirty about all of this.
 
Tweet from Sami: I've just learned that my Will was thrown in prison just because he was trying to text me, his loving mother, while driving! Whoever is responsible will pay!

Reply from Marlena: Please, Sami. Will did cause the death of our beloved Adrienne, but he did get a fair trial and acknowledges his guilt.

Reply from Sami: What b/s! I can smell a frame-up all the way from Europe. Who was his lawyer, that cheap tramp Belle, the legal illiterate?

Reply from Marlena: Please Sami, be sensible.

Reply from Sami: Sensible? Face facts, Mom. Anything can be fixed or switched in Salem. It wouldn't even surprise me if that ridiculous Steve Johnson is trying to impersonate Stefano or that old Granny Hope has turned back into that cheap, dime-store, faux aristocrat, "Princess" Gina.

Reply from Marlena: Oh Sami, stop with this nonsense.

Reply from John: Hold on there, Doc. Sami may be on to something. Patch and Hope have been acting rather strange lately.
 
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