Facebook posts and Tweets from Salemites, Part 28

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The word is out in Salem that Marlena might be possessed again.

Reply from John: This is sick stuff. That's a fact.

Reply from Roman: What da hell is this nonsense?

Reply from Rory: Whoever dreamed up this junk must have been smoking some bad weed.

Reply from EJ: Is all this the product of my feckless son's overactive imagination?

Reply from a Sami: This has to somehow be life-ruiner John Black's fault.

Reply from Xander: Why can't the bloody Devil do something useful and possess that creep Judge Smails?
 
Reply from Ron to Satan: Hey, we're always trashing people's characters. What makes you think that you're so special?

Reply from Lucas: Ain't that the truth. Ron has now turned me into a lying, scheming kidnapper.

Reply from Ava: What about me? I may have my faults, but what kind of sicko decapitates a teddy bear? That is so not Vitali behavior

Xander: Ron also won't give breaks to handsome hunks who make the ladies swoon. These days, if I didn't have Maggie in my corner, all I'd have going for me is my manly physique.

Reply from Johnny: Hey Satan, Ron doesn't even spare children. Once I was an adorable tot in an FBI jacket. Now, I'm an annoying, shallow, immature would-be film director.
 
Yelp has published reviews of Kristen's island hideaway.

DiMera Secret Island.

[No stars] Hostess makes Melinda Trask seem warm and cuddly. Stay away from this dump.

[No stars] If you're expecting the DiMera mansion look, forget it. The decor is 1950s tacky and it hasn't been modernized in years. As for the bathrooms, they're prehistoric -- one jump above an out-house.

[No stars] Has the worst ocean beach that I've ever seen. Adding dead fish and oil spills would represent an improvement.

[No stars] To call the food here "cuisine" is a bad joke. It's greasy eggs for breakfast and canned corned-beef hash or canned chili at every lunch and dinner. The deserts look and taste like they came from the Sweet Bits dumpster.

[No stars] The landscaping makes the average Salem vacant lot look like a formal garden. Only flies and mosquitoes could be happy there.
 
Facebook post from Nicole to Brandon: Hey, I forgot to tell you, Lani's not really your sister, so Carver and Jules aren't your nephew and niece.

Reply from Brandon: Who's Lani?????? Never heard of Carver and Jules. Am I supposed to know these people?

Reply from Nicole: Never mind.
 
Facebook post from Sarah/"Renee": I'll be so happy to get back to Salem, to my true love, Tony. I don't care that people think we're siblings. I luuuuuv him so much. And I'm glad we're Daddy's only two children, so all of the DiMera fortune belongs to us.

Reply from EJ: Well... this is awkward.

Reply from Chad: Tell me about it.

Reply from Kristen: Excuse me???

Reply from Jake: Who is this Renee chick??

Reply from Peter: Wait, you're in love with our brother, Tony? And I thought I was messed up.

Reply from Ghost Andre: Hey, sis, sorry I killed you. But turnabout is fair play, I guess. Chad's wife killed me.

Reply from Ghost Benjy: Where's my apology?? You killed me, too. Jerk.

Reply from Ghost Lexie: Yeah, and what about me? You locked me in the tunnels and that caused my brain tumor. You really are a jerk.

Reply from Ghost Megan: Is there a body I can inhabit? I'd like to go after Shawn-Douglas and Ciara to get revenge on Hope. I mean, I know I rigged the hot tub to kill her, then I fought with Larry Welch and he killed me, but somehow it was Hope's fault. I hate her.

Reply from Ghost Stefan: I don't know any of you, except Chad and I think he's a jerk for not letting me be with Gabby/Abby, which I know has nothing to do with that Renee woman. Just chiming in here.
 
Just Samantha said:
Reply from Ghost Megan: Is there a body I can inhabit? I'd like to go after Shawn-Douglas and Ciara to get revenge on Hope. I mean, I know I rigged the hot tub to kill her, then I fought with Larry Welch and he killed me, but somehow it was Hope's fault. I hate her.
Click to expand...
Reply from Sami: Hey, Ghost Megan, I'm your sister-in-law and I hate stoopid Granny Hope, too. She had the nerve to marry MY Rafe and she's like 100 years old. Let me see if I can find someone for you to possess. My dense mother is always a good vessel for evil. So is that life-ruining doody-head she's married to. Or maybe their idiot spawn, DumbBelle. Daddy and Anna's useless brat would work, too. I'll get back to you. Hugs!!
 
Facebook post from the Diocese of Salem: Salemites who find it difficult to meet their obligation to attend church on Sunday should be aware that Father Eric Brady will now be saying Mass at the Brady Pub on Sundays right before happy hour. Those who wish to confess their many uniquely Salem sins should also know that Father Eric will be hearing confessions at the Pub between 4 PM and 5 PM on Saturday afternoons. Nobody should fear that Father Eric will be harshly judgmental or shocked by their sins. He lived as a lay person in Salem for several years and has literally seen and heard it all.
 
Facebook post from Baby Bo: So, this is life in Salem? I'm not impressed. By the way, I can't believe I was kidnapped already. What kind of place is this??

Reply from Carver and Jules: it's a rite of passage for Salem babies. Chill out, you'll eventually make your way back to your mommy and daddy.

Reply from Henry: At least you have a daddy.

Reply from Rachel: Be lucky you weren't kidnapped and renamed by someone who isn't really your mommy, even if you liked her better.

Reply from Sydney: Yeah, what Rachel said! Preach!

Reply from Holly: I was kidnapped and my death was faked. They even had a funeral for me. Fun times.

Reply from Tate: I got all of you beat. I was kidnapped from my mommy's womb.

Reply from Philip: Sorry Tater Tot, but I got you beat on that one. I was kidnapped from a petri dish.
 
Reply from Carver and Jules: At least you guys only got kidnapped. We just saw Mommy shoot down some old guy named Coates.

Reply from Sydney: Things aren't always that simple. My kidnapper, Mommy Nicole, was a lot nicer than my real mother, Sami Brady.

Reply from Ciara: And don't trust the cops. As a child, I was kidnapped by a renegade Salem P.D. officer.

Reply from Tate: And kidnapping might not be the worst thing. How would you people like to go through life being called "Tater Tot."

Reply from Johnny: Hey people, child kidnappings are so common in Salem that once when I disappeared, people just assumed that I was probably kidnapped. This led to Mom and Dad reuniting by having something called a "hate boink," which I don't care to think about.
 
DrBakerFan said:
Reply from Sydney: Things aren't always that simple. My kidnapper, Mommy Nicole, was a lot nicer than my real mother, Sami Brady.
Click to expand...

Reply from Sami: EXCUSE ME????


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The Salem Twittersphere is now talking about Father Eric.

Salemite No. 1: On Sunday, Father Eric gave a sermon on forgiving your enemies, but when Xander comes into the Pub he gets this hostile expression and says unkind things. What gives?

Salemite No. 1: Father Eric? Don't go to him for Confession. If he doesn't like what you say, he has a temper tantrum.

Salemite No. 3: I heard that Father Eric was spending some time at Nicole Walker's apartment. Isn't that an occasion of sin?

Salemite no. 4: I don't get it. Father Eric supposedly helps poor villagers while in Africa, but when he's in Salem he can barely help himself.

Salemite No. 5: Father Eric is supposedly an expert exorcist, but during the recent Satanic invasion most Salemites were trying do-it-yourself tactics to defend themselves and others.

Salemite No. 6: Is Father Eric a real priest? He hardly ever seems to wear his Roman collar.
 
The Salem Twittersphere explodes again -- this time about Shawn's criticism of Brady Burgers.

Tweet from Sami: Doodyhead Shawn trashed Daddy's burgers? I HATE him!

Tweet from Ghost Bo: Shawn criticized Brady Burgers. If I was around, I tell him to take his remarks back or I'd take him apart.

Tweet from Roman: What da hell kind of thing is that to say about my burgers. If Ma has still around, she'd straighten that kid out.

Tweet from Xander: A Salemite who doesn't like Brady Burgers? That's worse than a Scotsman not liking haggis or an Australian who won't eat vegemite.

Tweet from Belle: Shawn dished dirt about Brady Burgers? That sounds like something I could use against him if I decide to start a divorce action.
 
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