Facebook posts and Tweets from Salemites, Part 28

Reply from Sami: Oh stop your whining, it's wearing thin. Do you know what it's like to hear your family members harping on the same issues over and over and over again and blaming everybody else for your stoopid, pathetic life due to your own actions????

Reply from Marlena: Ah-hem....

Reply from John: That's a fact!

Reply from Carrie: Uhhh, pot, kettle, Sami???
 
Reply from Sami: Hey stoopid Carrie, go jump into a vat of Daddy's chowder or go find a lost cat. By the way, do you still rub yourself down with ice cubes when you think of my handsome Rafe?

P.S.— your loser husband, Austin, is the dullest thing on two legs.

P.P.S. — I HATE you!!
 
Reply from Marlena: Samantha Gene! We need to have a discussion about how you talk to your siblings. It's Christmastime, try to be a little more charitable to your brothers and sisters.

Reply from Sami: But Mom, they're all stoopid and I HATE every one of them, from Kim, Kourtney, Khloe, Kendall, Kylie and Krobert, to Greg, Marcia, Peter, Jan, Bobby and Cindy! They can all go kick rocks!

Reply from Will: MOM! Those are the Kardashians (who you can Keep Up With on Peacock - wink!) and the Brady Bunch!

Reply from Sami: Yeah, we're all one big Brady bunch, so what??? I HATE all of them!

Reply from NBC: Thanks for the plug, Will! There will be a bonus in your next paycheck.

Reply from Roman: Will, take it from me, pick your battles with your mother. You'd have an easier time teaching Horton the Tiger how to use chopsticks. By the way, if anybody is craving some tasty Chinese food, please stop into the Pub for a bowl of piping hot Wanchai Ferry that's delicious and easy to make!

Reply from NBC: Thanks for shilling the sponsor's product, Roman! There will be a bonus in your next paycheck, too.
 
Facebook post from Xander: Hey everybody, I got an ornament on the Horton tree! I can't believe it, I thought they were all squeaky clean, but the missus told me some family stories, like how her Aunt Addie and cousin Julie fought over the same con man, Doug! Or how her dad Mickey and Uncle Bill nearly fought to the death over her Aunt Laura. Wow! Who knew??

Reply from Lucas: Congrats, man! Did you know our cousin Steven was a con artist and thief? Or that Mike's son Jeremy is a fugitive on the run? How about that Hope's stepdaughter Chelsea was the one who killed Hope and Bo's little boy, Zack? Did you know our cousin Mike exists because my dad raped Laura while she was married to Sarah's dad? I exist because my dad had an affair with my mom while married to Laura. Jack raped Kayla Brady when they were married. Hope "supposedly" murdered Stefano DiMera. And Bo? One could write a book on the all the laws he's broken. Then you have cousin Nicky who nearly raped Gabi Hernandez. Claire is a little pyromaniac who nearly killed Ciara a couple times. JJ accidentally shot Theo. Our foster cousin Janice had an affair with my dad and half-brother Mike at the same time and was later murdered by Jack's adoptive dad. Ben killed three women and nearly killed Will. Then there's your Uncle Vic, and probably the less said, the better. And have you never wondered how Julie is Hope's half-sister AND stepmother?? So you definitely fit in here!
 
Reply from Sami: Get a grip Mom. Has the life-ruiner fried your brain? Eric started it by listing me in his tales of woe and then stoopid, ice-cube loving Carrie had to throw in her worthless two cents.

Reply from Roman: What da hell, Sami? Forget your siblings and keep focused on getting people into the Pub on Christmas for some tasty Wanchai Ferry, Ma’s favorite.

Reply from Xander: Bloody hell, what a fine idea — Wanchai Ferry with Sarah to celebrate Christmas and my smashing new ornament!
 
Reply from Sami: By the way, it's about time my fine son Xander got one of those stoopid Horton ornaments, even though they have the audacity to keep my beautiful ornament in the attic every year.

Reply from Allie: Mom [cut off]

Reply from Roman: Honey, be like Elsa in Frozen and let it go. Just let it go. Hey, start Tweeting or Twizzing or Twerping or Tok-Ticking, or whatever it is you kids do to drum up more Christmas business for the pub. I bought a whole truckload of Wanchai Ferry to serve.
 
Rafe's current and former family members are checking in on New Year’s Eve.

From Eduardo: Hi son, I’m doing just fine. And don’t worry, I’m still retired from my career as a hired assassin.

From Dario: Hey brother. It’s been a great year for me. I’ve managed to pull off some really great scams, which I guess I shouldn’t tell ypu about.

From Mami: Son, I’ve learned that your latest marriage to a Salem woman has predictably failed. I know some really nice girls from our home town who would be perfect for you. Please visit this year and I’ll introduce you.

From Sami: So glad to hear you’re free of the awful babyswitcher. Better luck with love in 2023.

From Johnny: Hey Rafe, sorry for not checking in with you more, but DiMera life has been truly crazy this year. P.S., any chance of getting a new FBI jacket. It woould really impress the ladies.
 
The Salem Twittersphere lights up when the news of Rachel’s “kidnapping” spreads.

Tweeet from Sami: After everything that monstrous hag, Kristen, did to Mom, I am so loving this.

Reply from Jeannie T: Payback at last for what Kristen did to Tater Tot and I. I hope she has a nervous breakdown.

Reply from EJ: Kristen is freaking out? This is great news. I wish that I could say that the DiMeras are responsible.

Reply from Sloan: Even by my relaxed moral standards, Kristen is too much. If the kidnapper is ever charged, I’ll defend him/her for free.

Reply from Sarah: If Xander did this, we’re through.

Reply from Bonnie: I’ll bet Mr. Clown did it.

Reply from Ciara: Rachel, your first kidnapping — congrats, now you’re a real Salemite.

Reply from Rafe: We’ll sort of investigate this — eventually.
 
Salemites take to Twitter to discuss Salem kidnappings.

Tweet from Rory: What was the big deal about the Susan kidnapping? It was just a skunk contest between two lowlifes — EJ and Ava.

Reply from the Dancing Lady: And what’s the fuss about kidnappings anyway? In Salem, they’re more common than shoplifting.

Reply from Lucas. You are so right. Please tell that to the judge who decided my case.

Reply from Leo: Poor Xandy was sold a bill of goods by Ava. I hope he also isn’t taken in by all the scams that are online.

Reply from Sami: Is it OK to laugh at Kristen’s anguish over her kid being kidnapped?

Reply from Kate. Are you kidding? It's more than all right. If she dropped dead today, I’d be yakking it up.

Reply from Nanny Megan: One thing’s certain, whoever snatched that kid is giving it better care than the so-called “mother.”

Reply from Eric: You are so right, Nanny M.
 
Rafe's desperate need for new cops who will actually fight crime, unlike Jada and his uniformed headquarters officers, has opened up a new career path for many Salemites.

WANTED -- qualified persons to serve as Salem P.D. officers. Because Salem criminals include devious career lawbreakers and psychopathic lunatics, successful candidates must have an agile mind and the ability to think outside the box. Persons with a past criminal record who have special skills will be considered. Those interested should contact Commissioner Hernandez at Rafe@SalemPD.gov. Members of the DiMera and Milo Harp families need not apply.
 
Facebook post from Carrie: Can somebody tell me why Marlena won't answer the phone when I call????

Reply from Eric: Ooops. Well, this is awkward, but mom's dead, again.

Reply from Carrie: nice of you to let me know she was sick. No worries, I expect she'll be back among the living soon. Tell her to call me then.
 
Facebook post from Rachel: I'm sick of both mommy and daddy. I want to go live with Daddy Xander.

Reply from Sami: Of course you should go live with my fine son, Xander! He's better than that stoopid Kristen and dopey Brady.
 
Reply from Xander: You’d be very welcome kid. With me, you’d get to know the real people of Salem, not the sanctimonious poseurs or the total psychopaths. And if my plans to run the town newspaper succeed, you could help Mommy Gwen and Uncle Leo makes it the most exciting publication in Salem history. Wouldn’t that be fun?!
 
Facebook post by Justin who apparently is seeking another source of income.

Salemites, did you fail both the July 2022 and January 2023 bar exams? Don’t become a Belle Black by failing a third time. Sign up today for the Kiriakis Bar Review Course. Your passage of next July’s bar exam will be assured. All classes will be taught by Justin Kiriakis himself at the posh Kiriakis mansion. Extras include Justin’s own bar review course book, an open bar at all class sessions, and all you can eat of Maggie Kiriakis’s famed lemon bars and home-baked cookies, which will sharpen your legal skills. So don’t delay. Sign up today while space s still available!
 
Tweet from Lady Whistleblower to male members of the Salem bar: Why is Sloan Peterson consorting with sad sack Eric Brady instead of on local male attorneys?

Reply from Attorney 1: Sloan has all the warmth and charm of the iceberg that sank the Titanic.

Reply from Attorney 2: Associating with Sloan would put you on the fast track to disbarment.

Reply from Attorney 3: If I took up with Sloan, my clients would drop me like a hot rock.


Follow-up from Lady Whistleblower: Is there any truth to the ugly rumor that Sloan has scabies?

Reply from Attorney 1: I’d like to think so.

Reply from Attorney 2: It’s a possibility.

Reply from Attorney 3: You never know. After all, she sleeps with Eric Brady,
 
Facebook post from Ghost Benjy: Oh, I see how it is. Father only cared enough about Megan and EJ to resurrect them from the dead, while I'm still dead in my grave.

Reply from Ghost Andre: I feel your pain, little brother. Even Tony was resurrected and I'm still dead.

Reply from Ghost Renee: Right??? What's a DiMera gotta do to be resurrected around here? I see who Father's favorites are.

Reply from Ghost Baby Grace: Even though I was raised as Sami's baby, I'm still a DiMera and worthy of resurrection. Bunch of doodyheads.

Reply from Lexie: Oh stop whining, all of you. Do you really want to return to our dysfunctional family???? Just sit back and relax.
 
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