Facebook posts and Tweets from Salemites, Part 28

The word is out about Eric and Jada and Salemites just have to comment.

Tweet from Father Louis: Fellow Catholics, let us pray for the former Father Eric who just can't seem to abide by the Sixth Commandment.

Reply from Roman: What da hell kind of behavior is this? Jada and Eric at it upstairs in the Pub? I'd better say something before people confuse my place with a bordello.

Reply from Sami: The insatiable Bad Twin is at it again? When is he ever going to learn to control his disgusting urges?

Reply from Xander: Bloody hell. I like this. How often did that hypocrite, the fornicating former father, warn teenagers against committing sins of impurity?

Reply from Nicole: How dare that Jada tempt my Eric into cheating on me! I'd like to scratch her eyes out!

Reply from Rafe: "My Eric" ... "cheat on me?"

Reply from Nicole: Oops.
 
Facebook post by Green Thumb Gary's Bargain Nursery of Salem: Visit us today for the special sale on formerly rare Amazonian orchids! Once thought extinct, these beautiful flowers are now available to you at low cost. Not only will these wonderful blooms beautify your home it's been reported that they have the ability to cure eczema, scurvy, acne, whooping cough, St. Vitus Dance, and large number of deadly, mysterious diseases. We offer a special lower rate for bulk orders.
 
Facebook post from Sami: My spidey senses are tingling. I have a feeling my stoopid Bad Twin is about get tangled up with that trampy baby-switching Sydnapper again. Bad enough she's now married to MY Rafe, but how dare she start making goo-goo eyes at my Bad Twin while married to Rafe. I would never do such a thing to him.

Reply from Rafe: Excuse me?????

[EJ DiMera likes this post]

Reply from Lucas: :rotfl:
 
Reply from Sami: Put a sock in it, Rafe. You have to know that everything I did had a good reason, unlike the trampy babyswitcher who floats from man to man depending on how active her hormones are.

Shut up and mind your own business, smoochy-moochy if you value that race car you bought to replace the one that I once gave away,

Finally, what are laughing about, jailbird Lucas? Go back to making license plates. And guess how I feel about you being in the slammer with the likes of Ian McAllister, Gus, Dr. Baker, and Vargas --:wine::wine:
 
Facebook post from Cassie and Rex: Hey Sami, how does it feel now that OUR mom and dad are married and your mom and dad aren't????

Reply from Sami: Shut up you stoopid alien twin spawn!! It's just a matter of time before that trampy hag mother of yours does something to flush that marriage down the toilet and then MY Daddy can woo MY Mom away from that life-ruining doodyhead. You make my stoopid bad twin look like a happy, well-adjusted, successful man, and that ain't easy. Me and Eric are the BEST Brady twins, and that's a fact! Go suck lemons, you idiots. I HATE YOU!

Reply from Marlena: Samantha Gene! There is no reason to be so rude to your brother and sister. Your father and Kate are happy, let them enjoy this.

Reply from Roman: Dammit Sami!

Reply from John: Samantha, did you just quote me???!! Awww, you secretly love me, and that's a fact! You and Eric will always be my twinners.
Reply from Lucas: Hahahahaha!!! Hey Sami, you're now my step-sister again! :rotfl:

Reply from Belle: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

Reply from Carrie: I love starting my morning with a good laugh!

Reply from Austin: Hey Sami, you're not only my sister-in-law, but my step-sister again, too!! And now that I think about it, my wife is now my step-sister again! That'll be a cool conversation starter at the next dinner party.

Reply from Will: [banging head against brick wall]

Reply from Allie: Good Lord, mom, get a grip.

Reply from Sami: I HATE all of you! Go kick rocks!
 
Reply from Tony: I thought that we DiMeras were dysfunctional, but we're happy campers compared to you people.

Reply from Anna: That's so true. You won't see DiMeras trading insults on social media.

Reply from Chad. Amen. We don't wash our dirty linen in public.

Reply from EJ: I'd weigh in here, but I'm too upset over my dear mother. :cry::cry::cry:

Reply from Sami: Oh, smoochy-moochy, I'm so sorry to hear about your poor mother. I'd send a sympathy card, but I'm way too busy leading my remarkable life.

Reply from Roman: What da hell?
 
Just Samantha said:
You make my stoopid bad twin look like a happy, well-adjusted, successful man, and that ain't easy.
Click to expand...
Reply from Eric: Wait, what???? Do you all feel that way about me?

[silence from the Brady crew]

Reply from Jada: Well....

Reply from Rafe: Ditto.

Reply from Sydney: Does anybody care that I like Aunt Cassie and Uncle Rex? Aunt Kristen isn't so bad either. And I kind of liked when Sarah was Auntie Renee, that was fun! Wish I could've met Auntie Megan.

Reply from Megan: In due time, my child. Ooops, never mind, scratch that. I'm not really alive, just go on about your business, nothing here to see.

Reply from Sami: Shut up, Sydney. You also like that trampy babyswitching, Sydnapper Nicole, so your opinion means nothing.

Reply from Tony: And I thought Keeping up with the Kardashians was fun [by the way, you can watch them on Peacock - wink]. The K-family has nothing on the Bradys, who should have their own Peacock reality show.

Reply from NBC: thanks for the Peacock plug.
 
Just Samantha said:
Reply from Sydney: Aunt Kristen isn't so bad either.
Click to expand...
Reply from Brady: Kid, you are sadly misinformed. I once drank the Kristen Kool-Aid and it almost ruined my life. Contact me anytime for the ugly truth about Kristen.

Reply from Marlena: Dear, you are sadly misinformed about Kristen.

Reply from John Black: That's a fact.

Reply from Roman: Sydney likes Kristen? What da hell?

Reply from Eric: Hey Dad, does she need an exorcism?

Reply from Nicole: Sydney, I'm so glad that you have fond memories of me, but please flush Kristen from your memory bank.

Reply from Victor: Child, take it from one who knows, Kristen is a monster pure and simple.

Reply from Xander: Uncle Vic is spot on about Kristen. I used to work for her, and believe me, I don't list that job on my resume. By the way, would you like an authenticated copy of my new Horton Christmas ornament when it becomes available? It would look great on your tree!
 
The Twittersphere lights up when news of Eric punching EJ becomes common knowledge.

Tweet from Rafe: One punch? That’s nothing compared to what I did to that creep.

Reply from Sami: How dare the Bad Twin do such a thing to smoochy-moochy.

Reply from Roman: What da hell is wrong with that kid?

Reply from Marlena: Oh dear, it seems as though Eric has turned into our problem child.

Reply from Nicole: Eric can be such a jerk sometimes.

Reply from Johnny: Dad deserved it after what he did to Stefan.

Reply from EJ: What does Stefan have to do with all this?

Reply from Ghost? Susan: How dare that weepy Eric touch my darling baby boy. He’s mean, mean, mean,just like Ava and bad son Johnny.
 
FB post from Holly: Can someone explain to me why my Mommy, Daddy, sister and brother have Horton ornaments and I don't??

Reply from Julie: Because we just don't really care about you honey. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go to the attic and make sure my darling Nicky's ornament is OK.

Reply from Victor: Don't worry about it Holly, it's really no big deal.

Reply from Sami: They made one for me and never put it on the tree. Can you imagine? The nerve! I'm better than any stoopid Horton anyway.

Reply from Marlena: Sami dear, we really need to have a talk about your sense of self-worth.

Reply from Sami: No we don't. I'm the good twin, remember?? Hey, here's an ornament just for Eric! :rotfl:

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Reply from Roman: Dammit Sami! Your brother's just going through a rough patch.

Reply from Holly: Excuse me!!!! But where did we land on my ornament??

Reply from Julie: you're not getting one, that's where we landed.
 
Reply from Xander: Holly, don’t fret about not getting an ornament. They haven’t even given me one yet. And think of all the great people who don’t have ornaments. Besides George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Madame Curie, and Mother Teresa, there’s the brilliant Stefano DiMera, EJ DiMera, Yo-Daddy, and Vivian Alamain.

Reply from Leo: And what about me, after all I’ve done for Jackson.

Reply from Horton the Tiger: They’ve left me out too and my name is Horton!! Go figure!
 
Facebook post from Doll-in-Blanket: Way to go, Nicole. Thanks to your talk with Jada, I'm out of a job. Maybe Sleazy Sloan will get pregnant by Sourpuss Eric after their dirty hookup. Wonder if GH, Y&R or B&B have any pregnant ladies about to deliver? Maybe I can get some work as an extra on Call The Midwife.
 
Facebook post from Dandy Dave’s Salem Super Dry Cleaner: Has your best designer dress or super-expensive hand-tailored suit been exposed to that all-too-common Salem problem, a bomb explosion? Usually the heavy grime, soot, and dust resulting from such events spells the end for your finest garments, but not if you bring them to us. Our expert services will restore your treasured clothing to like-new condition. So don’t delay, bring your bomb-damaged items to us today! Note that we also handle dirt and/or staining caused by immersion in Salem harbor, being locked in a sarcophagus, choco-puffs spills, or imprisonment in filthy cabins and warehouses.
 
Facebook post from Salem Sniffer Dogs, LLC: The recent horrific explosion at a local memorial service was yet another reminder that even the most private, sacred events are not immune from dastardly bombers. Prevent injury, property damage, and heartbreak by having our bomb-sniffer dogs inspect your venue before the big event. If a bomb of even the most sophisticated design is present, they will find it in a Salem second. If you’re concerned that some evildoer has tampered with your event’s refreshments, our food-sniffing beagles with their keen noses will detect any problems. So call us today to ensure your next big event is trouble-free. You won’t regret it!
 
Reply from Zeus and Apollo in Hawaii: Are you looking for extra help? Things have been kind of slow here at Robin's Nest now that Magnum's on the east coast working in law enforcement with his family. We can sniff out bombs, drugs or tasty treats. We're great at keeping the bad guys away, too. No job is too "ruff" for us.

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Zeus & Apollo, We have just been hired to sweep a wedding venue for bombs, and we can use your services. It involves the obnoxious DiMera executive Li Shin and the widely-despised Gabriella Hernandez, whose wedding is the kind of event that truly invites bombs. Your intimidating presence could easily scare away the bombers before they can plant their infernal devices. Contact us today about the details of your employment.
 
Facebook post from Eric: Hey Salem, I’m really getting tired of being mocked as a “sourpuss” or worse. I have very goof reasons not to look happy.

My mother is the target of another one of Kristen’s evil plots.
In a town where almost anyone can be a doctor or lawyer, I work part-time at the Pub.
My relationship with Nicole Walker crashed and burned, and now she’s getting chummy with EJ DiMera.
My new job at Basic Black lasted about a Salem second.
Some cruel people like to remind me that I once drove drunk and killed Love Doctor Jonas.
I washed out as a priest not once but twice.
My home is a simple room over the Pub.
My twin sister is Sami Brady.
A lot of people like Xander Kiriakis, who once locked me in a cage and crawl space, better than they like me.
Brady Black’s beard looks better than mine.
The only woman who will sleep with me is a shyster lawyer.

Half these problems would crush the average person, while I still soldier on. So give me some credit already.
 
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