Random Thoughts of Salemites, Part 4

Miguel: Why is the boss so taken with these awful Salem women? After a few hours with that Chloe Lane on the flight back to Mexico, I was ready to jump out of the plane.

Steve: Why did I waste my breath on that sleaze, Stefan? I should simply have beaten him over the head with my cane.

Ghost Daniel: Perhaps, I need to appear to Brady and warn him to take better care of my heart.

Vivian: Why does that crazy old hag, Kate, waste her time talking to Stefano's portrait? It's never going to answer her back -- I hope.

Melinda Trask: Rats, it now looks like my conviction of Gabi Hernandez is going to be vacated. Should I now prosecute Stefan O. DiMera for raping Abigail Deveraux? Nah, better not. History shows that DiMeras never get convicted of anything, and another loss in court won't look too good on my resume.
 
Random nurse takes a look at Brady's vitals.
Brady: God, I'm so in love with you.

Chloe and Theresa trying to find a way out of captivity:
Chloe: Maybe there is a secret door somewhere. Or maybe we should just stay put and let Lucas come save us. Love is strong, right?
Chloe starts humming "Love is an open door."
Theresa, out loud: "Are you freaking kidding me right now?"

Thomas: So mommy is mommy but mommy is also Gabby and a doctor, and my friend Ari's mommy is also Gabi and my great gramma is also a doctor and also named Laura like mommy. Ugh, forget it. Maybe I can just skip learning how to talk and pretend I don't know these people.

Steve: If I'm blind, but I still have one eye behind these glasses, does that make me a private eye?
 
Steve, out loud: "So, are these bionics going to allow any kind of special vision?" (to himself) "Like, see through clothing?"
*Kayla punches Steve in the arm*
Steve: "What?!?!"

Hope: Oh my God. I love Rafe! (five minutes later) I hate Rafe! (ten minutes later) I love Rafe! (fifteen minutes later) I hate Rafe!
Rafe: Why do I feel dizzy?
Ghost Bo: Just go with it, man.
 
Sonny: Hmm. Should I have waited until Leo's resignation was official before having sex with him? Nah, it's fine.
 
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John Black: Wow, that was a close one at Mateo's compound. It's a good thing that he was a soap opera drug kingpin and not a real one.

Leo: Am I making a big mistake working for Kate against Sonny. Nah, probably not. When was the last time one of Ms. Roberts's plans ever failed?

Victor: Now that I've fired foolish lover boy Sonny, who's left to appoint as Titan CEO? Tramp-loving Brady, foolish long-haired Philip, or tough guy Xander? Good grief, what a group. I'd be better off giving the job to Henderson or the pool boy.

Roman: Was it really a good idea to give Eric a job at the Pub? All he does is schmooze with that Deveraux woman, and he's such a downer that he's scaring customers away. I wonder if that cheerful kid T, who used to work at TBD, is available?
 
Will: Gosh, Sonny isn't very smart after all. Why is he covering up an accidental death?

Tater Tot: I wish they'd let me testify at the custody hearing. I'd tell them that I want Grandpa Victor and Grandma Maggie to get custody. I love Grandma Maggie's warm milk and cookies and Grandpa Victor insulting people is funny. Also, he gives me nice shiny dimes and quarters for my piggy bank.

Rafe: Why do I keep sniffing around Hope? She's not such a prize, and I'm one of the handsomest guys in Salem.

Eric: Dear God, please don't let Jack come back to life.

Stefan Zero: OMG, what if Abigail is pregnant with my child. I don't want any DiMeras with third-rate Deveraux genes.

Ciara: Hey, Ben can really cook unlike Mom who can't even boil water.
 
Abigail's fetus: Hmmm. I seem to be developing a forked tail and antlers. Maybe Stefan really is my daddy.

Gabby: Um, no honey. See there was this other personality that was really into the occult. Get ready for a whole new take on possession storylines!

Steve: *literally finds the cure for cancer* NOW will they show me on screen? No? Eh, nevermind, they probably don't need this anyway. *tosses the cure out*

Ciara: You know, for a serial killer, he's actually kind of cute.

Ben: *staring lovingly into Ciara's eyes* There's just something about this girl.

Viewers: Wait a minute, we're liking this. We are liking. This. THIS. What are you doing to us, Days?

Brady: What do Ciara and Ben have that I don't have? *cute random girl walks by* MY LOVE! *chases*
 
Ted: Will and Sonny aren't too slick. My crude blackmail plot seems to be working.

Victor: Won't Brady ever shut up about my Tater Tot faux pas? Like that dolt never made a mistake.

Kate: Ted seems to be up to something. If it involves Will, the shyster's digestive tract will be soon be having serious problems.

Nicole: I wonder if Eric and Brady ever think of me?

Gabi: OMG, With all my schemes, I'm starting to turn into Kate. Is that really such a bad thing?

Ben: When are the writers going to undo my three remaining murders? It might get that crazy Hope off my back.
 
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Susan: That Marlena Evans don't look near as pretty as I did when I married John Black.

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Eric: If mom dies and everyone blames Sami, maybe they'll forget that I killed Daniel.

Belle: I wonder if anyone realizes I got my law degree from a Cracker Jack box?

Sami: How long is it gonna take for mom to die? I need to get out there and look for my sweet smoochy-moochy again.
 
Kristen: I can't believe that I'm still at large. Salemites, especially the cops, are so dumb.

Stefan Zero: It's amazing that Abigail still talks to me. It's equally amazing that I haven't been prosecuted for rape especially since Chad witnessed it. Ah, Salem, it's a criminal paradise.

Ben: With all the stuff that's going on in this town, all that crazy Hope can do is think of new ways to railroad me. Jordan was right to blow this town and Dad's better off in jail than being here.
 
Stefan Zero: I can't believe that Jenny keeps letting me into her house. She must not be very bright.

Xander: I wonder if the fallen Father Eric has snuck back into the apartment to be with Nicole. Nah, that wuss wouldn't dare.

JJ: I can't believe that Chad didn't immediately accept my take on Abby's situation. How can a guy this dense run Titan?

Roman: What da hell, Eric didn't show up for work again. Talk about irresponsibility. Doesn't he realize that I'm trying to run a business here.

Victor: I can't believe that I'm sitting here commiserating with Eve over her break-up with Brady. I really need to get a life.

Hope: I'm so smart. Who else would have figured out that Ben, a man who has to worry about having no money, no job, and no home, would have the time and energy to try to discredit me?
 
John: I wonder if my awesome superspy skills rubbed off on my boys.

Paul: I just had the weirdest dream that I was in the Star Wars universe as the best pilot in the galaxy, but the absolute worst spy (and mechanic) ever.

Brady: (Reality) Oh my God, I am the worst spy ever...

John:...Maybe I should teach Paul and Brady some spy skills just in case.
 
Xander: Yes, I rescued Nicole and am holding her prisoner. Should I now torment that fool Eric with little anonymous hints? No, why bother. This guy is very good at making himself miserable.

Roman: What da hell? Just when the Hattie nonsense was dying down, Sami finds some turnip mummy that she thinks is EJ. Why can't I get any peace in retirement?

Bonnie: Mimi is such a bad daughter. Why did she have to tell that hack lawyer Belle Black the truth about Baby Bonnie? What's a mother to do?

Abigail: I have to promise myself never to drink tea served by Gabi again.

Jenny: Should I stop by the Spectator to see how things are going? Nah, why bother. Anne is getting out the issues and anyway our only competition is that cheap rag, the Intruder, which uses Xander and Rory as its own version of Dear Abby.

Mummy EJ: OMG, I'd forgotten how annoying Samanther's voice is.
 
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