Random Thoughts of Salemites, Part 5

Xander: Bloody hell, I just can’t catch a break.

Gwen: Hmm, Ms. Xander Kiriakis, I like the sound of that.

Leo: Gosh, that Will is mean. He didn’t even have a good word for my cute jammies.

Sonny: No good deed goes unpunished, that’s for sure.

Justin: What’s wrong with me? Why do I care so much about what Xander is up to?

Cousin Angelo Vitali: Blessed peace at last. Batty Cousin Ava is in Bayview.

Rafe: Thank goodness Jada is done with Eric. Now, maybe she’ll do some police work.

Stephanie: Alex is such a child. He’d rather play video games with Chad than sleep with me.

Paulina: Why am I worrying about slimy Sloan? I could crush her with one bear hug.

Carver Twins: Can’t we just go home?
 
Elsa: I miss Justin. Perhaps I should invite him to Dubai?

Lani: I'm so glad my good friend Kristen is doing everything she can to help me.

Shane: Someday I'll get that necktie strangler for what he did to my granddaughter.

JJ: Africa is so nice this time of year. Such a good climate for such a small, easily traversed place.
 
Sami has been reading minds lately and is now in touch with certain people.

Hey Elsa, get in touch with Justin. If you can pry him loose from jailbird Bonnie, you’ll be a local heroine.

Lani, you need to get real. Creepy Kristen has already forgotten your name.

Shane, get a grip. Everybody now loves my son, the ex-strangler. If you lay one finger on his changed self, Jack Deveraux’s old mob of supporters will tar and feather you.

JJ, you’re even more stoopid than your mother. Do yourself a favor and buy an atlas.
 
Alex: Why am I getting sloshed over Stephanie? She should be honored to go out with me. If not, it’s her loss.

Leo: Should I trust the advice of Sloan, one of those second-rate lawyers with no office?

Sonny: Why is Will getting so high and mighty about Leo? After all, he’s the son of Sami Brady.

EJ: I had thought that Mother would magically reappear, but as time goes by, I’m starting to lose hope.

Stephanie: Maybe, I’m being too harsh with Alex. After all, when it comes to men in Salem, the pickings are rather slim.

Sami: It’s a good thing that I’m not in Salem right now. I’d hate to have to pretend that I’m sorry that the old hag, Kate, has died.

Nicole: OMG, my life must be a real mess if EJ is starting to look attractive.
 
Eric: Thank goodness I can drink for free at the Pub. Otherwise, crying in my beer would get quite expensive.

Rafe: I hope that Rolf is writing his statement in intelligible English, not fractured, ungrammatical German.

EJ: Stefan is acting kind of weird lately. Can he still be trusted?

Li: Why am I talking to some sketchy lawyer who doesn’t even seem to have an office?

Chloe: Why didn’t I leave town sooner? There’s a lot to be said for peace and quiet.

Anna: Where would Brady be without my good advice?

Orpheus: Should I worry about John, Roman, and Steve seeking revenge? Nah, those guys are hopeless.

Nick: I have the worst luck, I got no respect in life and now that I work for Satan, people still give me back talk.

Julie: I hope that Kate, Marlena, and Kayla have had a chance to talk to my darling Nicky in the next life.
 
Sloan ponders her legal career in Salem.

Since Eric is my client, should I try charging him for all the time we spend together?

How much can I charge Li before his father refuses to pay the bill?

Am I losing my edge? Paulina doesn’t seem to be worried at all about my lawsuit.

I need to do more research on Rolf. Maybe they’d be a good payday from lawsuits filed by his victims.

If Ava still has Vitali bucks, maybe I could talk Roger into suing her.

I need to do more research into Alex, the guy with the roaming underwear. There might be women out there who’d want to sue him for sexual harassment.
 
Having discovered that Zero is plotting against him, EJ ponders his options.

That wretch, I'll take revenge with a diabolical plot that would be worthy of Father.

Maybe, I shouldn’t overdo the revenge thing. Arranging for my brother to spend the day with that dreary bore, Eric Brady, should suffice.

Since brother dear is a sort-of zombie, maybe he needs a few sessions with Marlena when she inevitably returns from the afterlife

Trying to drug me shows that Stefan is too far gone for Marlena. He should be shipped to Bayview where he can pound on the walls of a padded cell like that lunatic Ava.
 
Nicole considers her romantic options.

Why am I getting friendly with EJ again? Our marriage was a debacle.
EJ has done some truly terrible things, just like Xander.
I once helped EJ get elected mayor and he disgraced the city.
How do I know EJ doesn’t still have a thing for Sami?
Do I dare hope that EJ has really changed? Sami used to spout that line and she was always wrong.

Eric can be nice but much of the time he’s a real downer. They don’t call him a sourpuss for nothing.
Why should I waste my time with an man who has no real job and doesn’t even have two dimes to knock together?
How do I know that this ex-priest won’t spend all his time praying or rushing off to Rosary Society meetings?
Do I really want Sami as a sister-in-law?
Can I ever really forgive Eric for causing the death of my beloved Daniel?

Why aren’t there better romantic choices for a girl in this town?
 
Nick ponders his situation.

I’ve gotten the short end of the stick since forever. :cry: In life, I was mocked by brainless hunks, had limited success with women, and was taken advantage of by my academic “advisor,” Dr. Trent Robbins. Now, I’m stuck in the Bad Place doing Satan’s bidding. How could this happen? While alive, I tried to be a good person, and any serious wrongdoing I did was the result of mental illness. If Kate, Marlena, and Kayla make it back to Salem, I hope they tell Julie about my plight. Surely, she’d get the Almighty to let me go to the big science lab in the sky where I can finally perfect my fuels project.
 
Roman: Wow, Rolf really likes Pub chowder. Maybe, he’d like to star in a commercial.

Rafe: I really, really hate that smug shyster, Sloan.

Marlena: Megan is so messed up that our eventual rescue is assured.

Kate: When I get out of this, I’m going to demand that the DiMeras string Megan up by her thumbs.

Brady: How can Rafe arrest me for trying to brainwash Stefan? All’s fair in love and war, right?

Li: OMG, now I’m stuck living with my sister and Dr. Trippy. The things I do for love.
 
Megan: What an ingrate that Bo is, after everything I did for him, he just runs off. So typical of Salem men.

Kayla: Where can I get a change of clothing? I’m so sick of this hospital gown.

Rolf: I need to start working out. If Kayla can take me down, I must be really be out of shape.

Eric: Sloan’s not guilty of anything, is she? [sob]

Talia: I’m going to smack the next person who makes remarks about a doctor working as a baker.

EJ: Why am I surprised that my Stefan plot is in trouble? The ugly truth is that most of Father’s plots ended badly. Remember the anti-Brady vendetta?

Roman: I wish Kate was here to see her beautiful urn.

Melinda: Pretending to sleep with Stefan. The things I do in my fight for justice.
 
EJ: OMG, that awful brat Rachel is coming to live in the mansion. If only I could put her and her rotten mother in Father’s dungeon.

Thomas: I wonder if Dad would be mad if I told him that Charlotte and I can’t stand Rachel.

Shawn: What am I doing in Rafe’s chair? I’m even less qualified to be commissioner than Eve Donovan was.

Rafe: Sitting in the Pub beats sitting in my old office. There’s no stress.

Melinda: Pickings in this town must be really slim if I’m considering a relationship with a schemer like Li.

Nurse Katzenmutter: I wonder if they let you have some pet kitties at Bayview.

Harris: Ava may have a few screws loose, but she’s saner than most Salemites I’ve met.

Talia: I should consider a complete personal makeover. Right now, I’m totally tired and bored with myself.
 
Harris: Ava really is a sad case. If anybody messes with her, I’ll break him in half.

Xander: The nerve of that idiot EJ thinking I’d kill Ava for money. It would a fine joke on him if Susan turns up alive.

Dick Van Dyke: That Julie can really cut the rug. I’d like to have met her at a USO dance back in ‘44.

John: I’d love it if John Doe turns out to be my father He’d be a big improvement on that madman Yo-Daddy.

Jeannie T.: How could Brady not want to reunite? Tater Tot will be heartbroken.

Xander: If EJ ever points a gun at me again, I’ll make him eat it.
 
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