Facebook posts and Tweets from Salemites, Part 26

Reply from Marlena: Sami, dear, I'm most impressed that you know the names of three of your four children. Dare I hope you are maturing, somewhat?

Reply from Sami: Oh, get over yourself! And for your information, these are just three that are here with me. The other 10 kids, Jack, Rebecca, Miguel, Kevin, Kate, Randall, Beth, Toby, Tess and Annie, are staying with Carrie and her snoozefest husband, Austin. So there!

Reply from Marlena: Honey, those are the characters on the NBC show, This Is Us.

Reply from Sami: Of course this is us, who else would we be?? We're one big happy family, the Brady Bunch.

Reply from Marlena: Sami, the Brady Bunch is [interrupted]

Reply from John: Just let it go, Doc. You're fighting a losing battle.
 
Facebook post from Abby: What a crazy few days it's been. Julie waking up, divorcing Stefan, finding out Chad is Charlotte's father, Gabi admitting everything she did to me. Wow, can it get any more bizarre?

Reply from Eli: Hold on to your hat. You know that guy in all your family pictures, the ones with you, JJ and your mom? I just saw him walk into Doug's Place.

Reply from Abby: :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
 
Tweet from the detective whose job was saved when Bo Brady quit the Salem P.D. to members of his "Mock Commissioner Hope" group: Hey, the Big H just arrested Stefan O. for treason for stealing ISA secrets.

Reply from Member No. 1: I love it. Another embarrassment for the ISA.

Reply from Member No. 2: Stealing ISA secrets isn't anything new. Isn't it riddled with DiMera spies?

Reply from Member No. 3: Sure is. Remember the time that a DiMera spy blew up one of its so-called safe houses.

Reply from Member No. 4: Or the time that it was about to arrest the real Stefano for arms trafficking only to learn that he was working for the Feds.

Reply from Member No. 1: Thank God for the ISA. It's one law enforcement agency that's even worse than Granny Hope's Salem P.D.
 
Tweet from Salem U. School of Law Student No. 1: Hey, I just heard that D.A. Trask's criminal procedure class was cancelled.

Reply from Student No. 2: Yes, it was. The faculty curriculum committee learned that all she was going to do was rant and rave about how all accused persons should be presumed guilty, squawk about how the Bill of Rights should be repealed, and moan and groan about all the big convictions that got away.

Reply from Student No. 1: That's too bad. I was hoping to use the class as a way to get a job with the D.A.'s office.

Reply from Student No. 3: Are you kidding? A job with Trask's office is a career killer. It always loses the big ones, and one courtroom loss to the likes of Justin Kiriakis or shyster Ted Laurent and you're done. No real law firm would hire you.

Reply from Student No. 1: By the way, how did you do on grades last semester?

Reply from Student No. 3: Not good. Unless I can pick it up soon, it will be lost-cat law practice for me.

Reply from Student No. 1: Meow!

Reply from Student No. 3: Hey, what about being in-house counsel for Titan or DiMera Enterprises?

Reply from Student No. 2: Surely you jest. You'd rather be dead than work for them. Imagine trying to defend Stefan O. DiMera or Xander Cook.

Reply from Student No. 3: I see your point. Let's forget law school and head over to the Pub for some cold ones and a bowl of EJ Chow.
 
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Facebook post from Sami: How stoopid is Sheila that she thought my handsome son Xander was life-ruining doodyhead, John Black??? That would be like someone thinking decrepit old Granny Hope was me, Salem's Most Truly Radiant Mother.

Reply from Abe: Setting aside that Xander is NOT your son, I actually have to agree with you on this one. Everybody knows that while John is certainly a nice looking man, he's no Xander Kiriakis. What's next? Sheila thinking Kate is Alice Horton?? Or Leo Stark is really Don Craig? (sigh...)
 
Tweet from Mr. Shin to the DiMera board: Any ideas on whom we should choose to be DiMera CEO?

Reply from Board member 1: I'm against Stefan O. How can we have a pervert who fell in love with a schizophrenic's alter as CEO? We'd be a laughing stock.

Reply from Board member 2: Well, Chad's not such a a good choice, He had his chance as Titan and was reportedly a disaster.

Reply from Board member 3: What about Kate? She's a DiMera in-law twice over.

Reply from Mr. Shin: OMG, not her. That schemer would -- and actually did -- stab her own son in the back. She belongs back on the piers trolling for sailors.

Reply from Board member 1: What about Thomas, Johnny, or Sydney.

Reply from Mr. Shin: Good idea, but we'll have to wait for them to be SORASed,

Reply from Board member 2: How about making Stefan and Chad co-CEOs? The rivalry might actually cause each of them to do a good job. Anyway, having them fight it out like two scorpions in a bottle might be entertaining.

Reply from Mr. Shin: I like the sound of this. It might be the first fun I've had since joining the DiMera board.
 
Ben may have accepted Hope's apology, but many others aren't so forgiving.

Tweet from Sami: Eat dirt, old Granny Hope. Your persecution of Ben is more proof that your not nearly good enough for my Rafe or fit to lead my Daddy's police force. Give up your badge and take up bingo, shuffleboard, and knitting.

Tweet from Clyde: Hope, you'll pay for your persecution of my boy, Ben. The next time I escape, I'll be coming to Salem to dish out some good, old-fashioned Poplar Bluff vengeance.

Tweet from Susan Banks: Hope, you're mean, mean, mean. You were never nice to my darling baby boy, EJ, and you also made poor, innocent Ben's life miserable. You make Kristen DiMera look like a girl scout.

Tweet from Melinda Trask: Hope Brady, you are unfit to lead a toddlers' play group. Your handling of the Ben Weston case was unbelievably unprofessional. You can take it to the bank that I'll be using your incompetence against Abe Carver in the upcoming election.

Tweet from Ghost Stefano: Hope, my dying words were that you were a bad cop. If anything, you're even more inept now than you were back then. What Rafael Hernandez sees in you, I'll never know.
 
Leo Stark: Hey, Paul....

Paul Narita: What the hell do you want?

Leo Stark: Do you know who I am?

Paul Narita: Yes, which is why I was harsh with you before.

Leo Stark: But do you know who I AM?!

Paul Narita: A parasite?

Leo Stark: Do you know? Who I am?

Paul Narita: If I respond, will you leave me alone?

Leo Stark: I am your brother!

Paul Narita: No you're not!

Leo Stark: Yes, I am. Turns out John Black is my real father.

Paul Narita: No. No, that can't be. No! It's not true! It's impossible!

Leo Stark: Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

Luke the physical therapist: So, Paul just threw his arms out, his head back and screamed "NOOOO!" as we rode down the elevator, and now he's completely shut down.

Leo Stark: Oh, come on. I am not that bad!

Sonny Kiriakis: Yes, you are!

Will Horton likes this

Chad DiMera: Hey, Paul, look on the bright side: at least you weren't married to Sonny when you found out. You could have had a situation like with me, Abby, and Stefan!

Paul Narita: Yeah...I guess you have a point there. Well, then in that case I'm glad I don't live in Salem anymore and I don't have to deal with this.

Brady Black: Oh, no, no, no, no. You are NOT leaving me alone to deal with this! You wheel your *bleep* back here right now!

Paul Narita: Sorry, late for physical therapy.

Brady Black: Damn you, Paul!

Leo Stark: Oh, come on, Brady! We have so much to catch up on. We have so much in common: we love alcohol, we love sex, we both married our brothers' ex-fiances.

Leo Stark: And Paul! We both discovered our real father in our adult lives, we're both gay, we have the same taste in men, we were both hired by Kate Roberts.

Paul Narita: Wait, what?!

Leo Stark: ...Oh, poop.

Kate Roberts DiMera: Hey, Leo...how would you like to try a plate of my famous chocolate fudge brownies?
:wink:

Leo Stark: No, thanks. They're fattening.

Leo Stark: I wonder what it's like having an older brother like Brady? This should be fun!

Belle Black: Oh, yeah, tons of fun! He's the best brother ever. He never mistreats his siblings!

Sami DiMera: Yeah! He would never unknowingly help his girlfriend kidnap his niece or call you an idiot for dating someone evil when he's doing the same thing.

Eric Brady: Or blackmail the person you love into leaving Salem, then indirectly cause her death.

Paul Narita: Or play God with your life by bullying your boyfriend to stay with you out of pity.

Leo Stark: Hmm. Why do I get the feeling he really did do all those things?

Paul Narita: :rotfl: What?! No way! That's crazy! He didn't do any of those things. He would never do any of those things. Why would you think he did all those things?

Leo Stark: Uh, maybe cause you laughed and mentioned "those things" three times in a row.

Leo Stark: Also 'cause I was spying on you and Will before you left town.

Paul Narita: Maybe I'm leading you into a false sense of security.

Paul Narita: :eek: Dammit!

Leo Stark: AHA! I knew it!

Sami DiMera: I HATE YOU, PAUL!
 
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Facebook post from JJ: Ugh, I had sex with my new stepmother.

Reply from Julie: Darling, don't sweat it. I married my former stepfather.

Reply from Lucas: Yeah, I was married to my former stepsister and had two children with her.

Reply from Eli: What is wrong with this family???
 
Just Samantha said:
Facebook post from JJ: Ugh, I had sex with my new stepmother.
Click to expand...
Reply from Eve: You'd better keep quiet about that sex stuff if you know what's good for you.

Reply from JJ: What are you going to do, sic Jack supporters on me -- all five or six of them, including that dim-witted pastor? Oooh, I'm scared.

Reply from Eve: You'd better be, buster. When Jack is elected, he'll FIRE you from your precious EMT job!

Reply from JJ: My empty-headed father elected? That's a good one. I hear he's down 15 points in the polls to Benchie.

Reply from Eve: @#$#*%#!!!!

Reply from JJ: :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
 
Facebook post from Will: Hey, why am I on a camping cot in the hospital lounge???

Reply from Kayla: Sorry honey, but Rafe was shot so we need the hospital bed for him. As soon as he's released, we'll move you back into the room. Just make yourself comfortable in there and don't mind the people who come in for a cup of coffee or to read a magazine. We'll ask them to be quiet so you can rest.

Reply from Will: But don't you have other hospital rooms??

Reply from Kayla: You'd think.

Reply from Will: :eek:
 
Salem's cops react to Eve replacing Hope:

Cop No. 1: Let's all call in sick. The "Blue Flu" can strike Salem.

Cop No. 2: Let's stop writing parking tickets until wacky Jack dumps Eve.

Cop No. 3: Except Eve's car. Let's plaster it with tickets every day. And when she doesn't pay them, we could repeatedly arrange to have her car towed to the impound lot.

Cop No. 4: How about the nuclear option -- we all go on strike until awful Eve is replaced.

Cop No. 5: All great ideas. Let's discuss them over cold ones at the Pub while listening to Roman say, "What da hell," when we tell him the news about Eve and Hope.
 
Tweet from Ben: I just saved Ciara's life again. Eat dirt, Eve.

Tweet from JJ: Woo hoo, Haley's back and out of legal danger. Eat dirt, Eve.

Tweet from Kayla: Great news, Jack is interested in regaining his memory. Awful Eve can eat dirt.

Tweet from Sami: OMG, Claire has gone bonkers. I always said that dopey Shawn and stoopid Belle were rotten parents. And tell that hideous hag, Carrie, to keep her claws out of my Rafe.

Tweet from cabin owner: Good grief, another fire at my poor cabin. That's it, I'm going to encircle it with a ten-foot electric fence topped by barbed wire.

Tweet from Trippy: How could I be overpowered by the likes of Claire? I'm the son of the mighty Patch Johnson.
 
Tweet from the detective whose job was saved when Bo Brady retired from the Salem P.D. to members of his social media group, now known as "Mock Mayor Jack": Great news!! Wacky Mayor Jack finally wised up and fired the devil woman, Eve Deveraux, as commissioner.

Reply from member no. 2: OMG, that's great. Having that crooked idiot as commissioner made the Salem P.D. even more of a laughingstock than it already was.

Reply from member no. 3: Let's head over to the Pub and celebrate the great event with a few cold ones and some Wanchai Ferry.

Reply from member no. 4: We'd better drink now while we can. The word is that the new commish is Mr. Rule Book himself, Eli Grant. With him in charge, we can say goodbye to sleeping and drinking while on duty.

Reply from member no. 2: Bummer. Oh for the days of Roman Brady. We didn't know when we were well off. Let's go have those drinks before Eli Grant starts making us act like real policemen.
 
Salemites react to Kristen's "deal."

Roman: What da hell? Back in the day we'd have to let Stefano and EJ go because witnesses wouldn't talk. Now, they have a DiMera dead to rights and they simply let her go. It's crazier than ordering a veggie burger instead of a tasty Brady Burger.

John: OMG, they let a major danger to Doc and Brady just walk. This is beyond dumb. That's a fact.

Victor: They let that vile DiMera woman loose just so they could learn the whereabouts of Nicole Walker? That's a pretty poor bargain if you ask me.

Sami: Saving the trashy, trampy babyswitcher was more important that keeping that grotesque Kristen behind bars? Whoever made that decision is one big doodyhead.

Melinda: Don't blame me for this fiasco folks. It's all on our moronic mayor. He needs to be impeached ASAP. And in the special election to replace him, the voters need to vote for a real law-and-order candidate -- ME.

Hattie and Bonnie: Kristen is free and we're in prison? There's something basically wrong with this.
 
Salem's younger set have been listening to their elders talk and now pass along their two cents about the Kristen deal.

Sydney: They let the witch lady go to save Mommy Nicole? Why? She's no bargain. She once really wanted to be my mother, but now I never hear from her.

Johnny: What's the fuss? Just watch Kristen and when she commits a new crime, lock her up. If Mom would pay my fare to Salem, I'd bring my FBI jacket, team up with Daddy Rafe, and nail Kristen's butt to the wall.

Tater Tot: All this talk about Kristen is upsetting. What kid wants to learn that his dad has no taste when it comes to the ladies.

Parker: Who cares about Nicole? She can't even sing like my Mom.

David Ridgeway: They should let out my Mom and stick Kristen in Bayview. Based on what I hear she's way crazier than Mom.
 
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