Facebook posts and Tweets from Salemites, Part 20

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Facebook post from the ISA: The ISA is now accepting applications for secret agent positions.

Past amnesia and mind erasure is no bar to employment.
Persons of retirement age will be considered, and possibly preferred.
Past employment with incompetent police departments is not a problem.
Wearing of an eye-patch is not a problem.
Willingness to abandon wife and children for years is a must.
Nosy relatives are undesirable, but not a bar to employment.
Lack of susceptibility to DiMera bribes is desirable, but not an absolute requirement.
Ability to speak Alamanian is a plus.

For further information, contact the office of Isaac S. Adams, Chief, ISA
 
Reply from Jeannie T.: Hey, I could do that, in addition to owning Basic Black and designing outstanding wrap dresses! Besides, my daddy is like a big cheese over there, so I'm a shoe-in, right?

Reply from Sami: Me too, me too!!! My daddy worked there, too! I can be a super secret agent while I hawk Truly Radiant products and make movies about my life. Heck, we can make a movie and call it Jane Bond with me playing the lead after this. Yeah, that's it! I'm gonna be Jane Bond, super secret agent!

Reply from Will: I can do this, too!! I'd be a good secret agent like Grandpa Roman, Grandpa John, Uncle Bo, Uncle Steve and Uncle Shane. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm good at figuring out stuff. I figured out that stoopid home-wrecker, Paul Narita, was John's son after looking at one picture.

Reply from John Black: <sigh...........> Hey Doc, don't worry about me leaving Salem. I just resigned from the ISA.
 
Reply from Sonny: Hmmm, maybe after I straighten out Uncle Vic's European clubs, I should consider the ISA. After all, I'm smart, personable, love to travel, and speak several languages.

Reply from Will: No, Sonny, no. Haven't you seen any James Bond movies. 007 has been beaten, shot at, imprisoned, and targeted by evil Russians, North Koreans, Dr. No, and Goldfinger. Come home before it's too late. :cry:

Reply from Sonny: Will, get a grip. I was just thinking out loud. And, by the way, James Bond's adventures are purely fictional. Right now, I've got to pack for my trip to Geneva, Switzerland, to check out Uncle Vic's club there.

Reply from Will: Oh, no, Sonny. Switzerland is full of deadly Alps. You might fall off a cliff or be buried in an avalanche. Come back to Salem, where you'll be safe! :cry:

Reply from Sonny: Safe? I've heard that Nicole and Eric were almost killed and Serena Mason, the writer, was found dead in the park. I'll stick to Western Europe for now.

Reply from Will: :cry::cry::cry:
 
Reply from Ciara: I should apply for that job. Heaven knows I'm good enough. No one crosses me and I'm excellent at getting secret intelligence.

Reply from Isaac S. Adams, Chief, ISA: Miss Brady, your reputation precedes you. From everything I've heard and seen, you are ISA material. Welcome aboard, young lady. Just make sure to bring that pink backpack with you.

Reply from Sami: What about me???

Reply from Theresa: Yeah, what about us? My daddy practically runs that place.

Reply from Isaac S. Adams, Chief, ISA: Don't quit your day jobs, girls. Good day.
 
Tweet from Will: OMG, the necktie strangler has struck again! This time it's Paige Larson!! I could be next! Everyone, please, ask Sonny to come home and protect me and Arianna! He won't listen to me anymore!:cry:

Reply from Eve: It was JJ! That monster has killed my darling Paigie!

Reply from Daphne: Yes, it's JJ! The homicidal creep wouldn't stop bothering Paige!

Reply from Jenny: SHUT UP, you idiots. How dare you accuse my son of anything so awful! Rant, rant, rant! P.S., as Sami would say, I HATE you!

Reply from D.A. Justin: Chad did it! The monster has struck again! I demand an indictment now, before he kills again!!!!

Reply from Roman: Dammit, people. Before running your mouths, let the Salem P.D. investigate!

Reply from Sonny: OMG, life in Salem is just as crazy as ever. Paris is looking better by the day.

Reply from Will: :cry::cry:
 
DrBakerFan said:
Reply from Roman: Dammit, people. Before running your mouths, let the Salem P.D. investigate!
Click to expand...
Reply from Sami: What, daddy?? What did I do now??

Reply from Roman: Samantha, I said "Dammit, people", not "Dammit, Sami". Not everything is about you.

Reply from Sami: Sorry, daddy. I hear "Dammit" out your mouth and figure it's always directed at me.
 
Facebook post from Bo Brady: I'm still alive, you jerks! Thank you for noticing that I'm in trouble. So, you know what? Forget you, Hope! Forget the Salem PD, the ISA, and everyone in between!
 
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ktspirit said:
Tweet from the Necktie Strangler: I just hate people who don't wear ties.
Click to expand...
Reply from Beverly Sutphin, the Serial Mom: I feel your pain. And don't you just hate people who wear white after Labor Day? If any of these reprobates turn up in Salem, let me know and I'll pay a visit to take care of them.

Reply from Sami: Hey, Serial, doody-head Stefano DiMera wears white after Labor Day. P.S., his mansion has no security!

Reply from Eve: So does that maniac killer, JJ Deveraux. Do him in and I'll buy you lunch at Chez Rouge.

Reply from Roman: Dammit, Sami, Eve, just put a sock in it. The last thing we need in Salem is another crazed killer.

Reply from Justin: Bring it on, Serial Mom. If you start killing in Salem, you'll be my second super-brilliant, well-publicized conviction, right after that stone-cold killer, Chad DiMera.
 
SALEM U JOB POSTING:
WANTED:

Resident Advisor for women's dormitory. Must be alert, responsible, and must know self-defense against killers!

Reply from Salem U sophomore: The RA isn't going to live in the same dorm Paige was murdered in, is she? That's really unsettling.

Reply from Daphne: Speaking of which, there's going to be a mini memorial service for Paige. Anyone who wants to can put flowers or mementos or candles outside Paige's dorm.
 
Tweet from Roman Brady: All citizens who might have any information about the tragic murders of Ms. Serena Mason and Ms. Paige Larson should contact my office immediately. With your help, justice will be done.

Reply from Justin: Roman, why are you bothering people. Chad did it!!!! Case closed!

Reply from Roman: Dammit, Justin.

Reply from Rafe: :angry::angry:

Reply from Stefano: Ah, Justin, you are a fool. Yes?

Replies from Batman, Robin, Superman, Wonder Woman, James Bond, Spiderman, Captain America, and Rocky Balboa: We have no evidence, but we're on our way to help to catch the evildoer. The deaths of young, beautiful women should not go unpunished.

Reply from Clyde: :rotfl:
 
Facebook post from Jeannie T.: I just had the most refreshing and uplifting talk with a really wise woman. She gave me a lot confidence in how to go after what I really want. I really like this woman.

Reply from Brady: Just who is this "wise woman"??

Reply from Jeannie T.: Kate Roberts. I'll tell ya, she's got her act together and worked really hard to get there. She's a real inspiration.

Reply from Salem society: :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Reply from Lucas: Don't forget to ask her for her world famous brownie recipe!
 
Facebook post by the Salem District Attorney's Office.

Wanted, witnesses to testify against Chad DiMera in an upcoming murder trial.

Extreme hatred of anyone named DiMera, not just Stefano, is a plus.
Belief that constitutional protections don't apply to anyone named DiMera is very useful.
Intimate knowledge of the DiMera flower garden is useful.
Familiarity with ties as a murder weapon gained from movies, tv, etc., is fine.
A favorable attitude toward inexperienced, ambitious district attorneys is required.
Ability to jump to unwarranted conclusions would be great.
A positive attitude toward Mad World Cosmetics management and Narita cologne is desirable.
Willingness to convincingly commit pro-prosecution perjury is officially frowned on, but is actually most welcome.

Persons with these attributes who dearly wish to see a DiMera finally go to jail, should contact District Attorney Justin Kiriakis immediately!
 
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Tweet from Sonny: Cheerio, Salem. I'm in London, and there's a good chance that I may attend a dinner party where the guests will include the Queen and Prince Philip!

Reply from Will: Sonny forget London and come home. Since you left everyone is ignoring me. :cry:

Reply from Sonny: :confused:

Reply from Will: It's true. All anyone cares about is now are the murder of two insignificant non-Hortons and life-wrecker John Black selling his stoopid company. Nobody comes to visit, and Zoe has stopped calling me about articles.:cry:

Reply from Zoe: That's right. Don't call us, we'll call you.:rotfl:

Reply from Will: :cry::cry:
 
Facebook post from Paul to John: So, John... er, Dad, what can you tell me about the family?

Reply from John: Well son, you already know your brother Brady and nephew, Tate. You have a sister named Belle who is married to Hope Brady's son, Shawn. They have a little girl, your niece, Claire. Once I remarry Doc, you'll have a step-brother and step-sister, Eric and Sami. And then there's your pseudo-sister, Carrie. Long story, but I raised her and we're still close, so you can consider her to be like another sister.

Reply from Paul: Wait, isn't Sami Will's mother? She hates me.

Reply from John: Don't worry, she hates everybody.

Reply from Paul: Oh no, that means I slept with my step-nephew?? What kind of twisted freak-show am I involved in?

Reply from John: Look kid, you don't want to start tugging at that thread.

Reply from Paul: OK, but what can you tell me about my grandparents or your brothers and sisters?

Reply from John: Uhhhhhhhhhh...................... so you want to go back to that part where you slept with your step-nephew?
 
Facebook post from Sami to Jennifer: Sooooo, I hear your little tart of a daughter got pregnant without being married. Ha! See, I knew she was a trollop when she was chasing after Austin and then when she seduced my smoochy-moochy. You really raised her with a lot of morals, huh?!! Way to go, Jenny! Not all the Truly Radiant in the world could make her clean again.

Reply from Jennifer: Oh Sami, Sami, Sami. As I remember it, YOU were an unmarried pregnant teen, YOU chased after Austin yourself and then YOU lied to my dear brother about Will's paternity. You have a lot of room to talk.

Reply from Sami: You must be mistaken. I was happily married to EJ when I got pregnant with my only children, the triplets, Johnny, Donny and Ronny. I am the epitome of class and virtue, not like your dirty daughter. I am Salem's Greatest Mother EVER!

Reply from the citizens of Salem: :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
 
Because of the necktie killings, Roman is deluged with advice.

From Salem Sherlock: Arrest every guy in Salem who wears a necktie. Start with that shyster Aiden Jennings. He looks like the kind of guy who would do DiMera dirty work.

From Sami: Daddy, check to see if the victims ate poisoned brownies. If so, that hag Kate is the killer. I HATE her!

From Angry Salemite: It must be one of those freaky, long-haired, druggie Salem U. students. Arrest them all.

Reply from Rory: Dude, that is so uncool. How do we know that you didn't do it?

From Xander: Drop the phony rape charges and let me out. I'll have your killer in no time. What will my stupid uncle who thinks I'm worthless say then?

From Town Square Regular: Have you checked out that guy in the black leather jacket and eyepatch? He looks sketchy to me. So does his punk of a son. Yikes, is that kid rude! Pity his poor mother.

From Nanny Megan: Want some good advice? Get your lazy cops out of Martha's Muffins and back to work and you'll soon catch the killer.

From Will: The killer is John Black! We all know that he's a life ruiner (he drove away my Sonny :cry:), and now he's moved up to life ender!

Reply from Roman: Dammit, people. Chill out. My best cops are on this and we'll soon make an arrest.

Reply from Justin: Dammit, yourself. Your so-called best cop is soft on DiMeras and soft in the head. Arrest Chad now!!!!

After this barrage of messages, Roman wonders if retirement with Mrs. van Hopper might not be so bad after all.
 
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