Facebook posts and Tweets from Salemites, Part 20

Status
Not open for further replies.
Facebook post by Steve: Currently, my beloved son, Joe, thinks that I've been a bad parent. Sure, I've been away too long, but compared to other parents in Salem, I'm not half bad.

1) Unlike Jack Deveraux, I've never raped any women.
2) Unlike Stefano DiMera, I've never exiled a child to a secret island.
3) Unlike John Black, I've never been seen having sex on a conference table.
4) Unlike EJ DiMera, I've never cheated on my children's mother by showering with young women.
5) Unlike Eduardo Hernandez, I've never abandoned two families for decades.
6) Unlike Eve Larson, I've never slept with my child's true love -- not even once.
7) Unlike Sami Brady I've never habitually dumped my children on their grandmother, and I do definitely know how many children I have.
8) Unlike Weeping Will Horton, I've never left my child to run off to L.A. to engage in trivial writing assignments. All my missions have been of critical importance!

In fact, in a head-to-head contest with these people, I'm a candidate for father of the year.

Reply from Stefano: Steven, you know I had good reasons, yes?
Reply from John: I may have my faults as a parent, but I'm a good father. That's a fact.
Reply from Will: SHUT UP. I have reason to weep. John Black and his new son ruined my life. :cry:
Reply from Sami: SHUT UP. I am Salem's BEST mother, and I do so know the names of my dozen or so children. I HATE you.
 
Reply from Abigail Deveraux: Excuse me?! Friendly reminder that not only does my father (YOUR brother, by the way!) regret doing that, I wouldn't still be alive if not for him!

Reply from Will Horton: Correction, I TOOK ARI WITH ME to LA. Your bestie Bo is probably a better example of a deadbeat, by the way.

Reply from Brady Black: And how does being seen having sex on the conference room table equal being a bad dad?
 
Reply from Sami: Hey tramp, causing a professional man-stealer to be alive is another bad thing Jack did! P.S., how many guys have you asked to pass the soap lately?

Second reply from Sami: Hey Brady, John's tabletop sex ruined the life of his future step-daughter, ME! And you thought John Black was a rotten father too, remember.

Reply from Steve: Weepy Will took his kid to L.A.? My bad. But according to informed sources, he spent all his time there writing his awful scripts and cheating on his husband. Some father he is.

Second reply from Steve: And don't talk about Bo. He loves his family. He sacrificed his happiness for the greater good. All you do is blame everyone else for your problems, so cry me a river.

Reply from Will: :cry::cry::cry:

Reply from Eduardo: Hmmm, some of these Salem parents seem truly awful. Maybe there's hope for my redemption after all.
 
Facebook post from the DiMera Mansion

A prominent Salem businessman is seeking applicants for the position of "Pawn."

No prior work experience of any kind is required.
A prior criminal record is not a problem.
A certain moral flexibility is a plus.
Susceptibility to brainwashing a must.
Willingness to work for nothing is a necessity.
No homeless persons from the piers need apply.

Those interested should forward a resume to Mr. Andre DiMera (don't mention to anyone that he's in town) at the DiMera mansion in Salem.
 
Facebook post by the University Hospital Human Resources Department:

Applications are now being accepted for the position of assistant to the Human Resources director.

Prior similar employment is a plus, but not required.
Ability to get to work on a regular basis is required except when it isn't.
A fondness for serious partying is a definite plus.
Willingness to go drinking at Salem's clubs with the Human Resources director an absolute must.
A fondness for wrap dresses is a very definite plus.
A distaste for entitled, blonde, shrewish women who treat their hospital position like a no-show job is an absolute requirement.
A similar distaste for scruffy doctors who are drooling hospital gown fetishists is likewise required.

Applications should be sent to Ms. Anne Milbauer, Human Resources Director, Salem University Hospital. Don't call us, we'll call you.
 
Last edited:
Salemites respond to Eduardo's $100,000 reward offer.

From BradyBurgerLover: Check Salem Park: I think that Chad has disguised himself as a shrub.

From SalemDude: Look on Smith Island. All Salem lowlifes end up there eventually. Just ask the resident raccoons.

From Mr. Wonderful: I think Chad will turn up at Salem's Discount Tie City. He may be running out of ties.

From former D.A. Woods: I don't have any clues, but I've known for years that my ex-son is an total jerk. P.S., don't rely on that new D.A. He's a bigger doofus than Chad.

From Nanny Megan: Hey, Eduardo. I saw you on TV, and you look like a sleaze, which we already have too many of in Salem. Go back to whatever hole you crawled out of.

Reply from Stefano: Fool. How dare you put a bounty on my son's head. You know that we DiMeras are very good at getting revenge, yes?

Reply from Roman: Dammit, people. Get a grip. My men are on this and justice will be served.

Reply from Sami: You tell 'em, daddy. I HATE them.
 
Last edited:
Facebook post from Will: Great news for those who loved my Sonix articles. I'm about to submit a book proposal, entitled Only in Salem, to major American publishers. This will be a real page-turner. Our Salem is far more interesting than old-time, witch-infested Salem. Consider: we just had a mayor and nobody knew his name; our leading citizens are two elderly career criminals and a life-ruining, mind-erased businessman, and part-time secret agent/cop; we have the worst police department in the U.S. and our leading hospital is a center of quackery, malpractice, no-show employees, and drooling doctors; we've suffered through a slasher, a serial mugger, a giant tunnels explosion, and now a crazed necktie killer; we've got newly discovered children and long-lost parents on every street corner; and you can get anywhere from anywhere in seconds.

Reply from Roman: Dammit, Will. Worst police force? Really?
Reply from John: Hey, Will. I'm on the top of my game. That's a fact.
Reply from Nicole: You little stinker. Daniel doesn't drool.
Reply from Justin: Chad is the necktie killer. Get that into your book.
Reply from publisher no. 1; If you send this to us, it will be forwarded to the science fiction editor.
Reply from publishers nos. 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6: Do us a favor and don't send this trash.
Reply from Sami to publishers 2-6: Trash? How dare you. My son is a brilliant writer. I HATE you!
Reply from Sami to Will: Make sure you new, wonderful book praises my darling, changed smoochy-moochy.
 
Facebook post by the Secret Serum Acquisition Posse: We are seeking applicants to replace former employees who have proved unsatisfactory. We offer high pay, flexible hours, and the chance to work in exotic foreign locales.

A certain moral laxness is a must.
Ability to control sick, exhausted prisoners required.
A certain forceful persuasiveness needed.
Ability to whip up swill for prisoners to eat (if they can) a plus.
Knowledge of which drugs are capable of turning battered prisoners into the Incredible Hulk required.
Affinity for heat, humidity, and Mexican food is a definite plus.
Past employment with Stefano DiMera, the CIA, or the KGB is highly desirable.
No former employees of the ISA or Clyde Weston need apply.

Email reume to posse@oldmexicanmonestary.org.
 
Tweet from Ben: What an outrage!! My dad has been arrested on phony, trumped-up charges. It can't be true -- he's changed!!

Reply from Sami: Changed? Fat chance. The only person to change in Salem history was EJ, my darling smoochy-moochy!

Reply from Roman: Dammit, Sami! When are you going to stop pitching this b/s?

Reply from John: EJ changed? That is not a fact.

Reply from Sami: SHUT UP! EJ did so change! I HATE you!
 
Salem media explodes when Will's murder is announced.

Reply from Chad: I did't do. Honest. Ask Father.

Reply from Abigail: That's right. Just like my fiance, Ben, Chad wouldn't hurt a fly.

Reply from John: Will's death is a real tragedy. That's a fact. I'll get the ISA involved in the hunt for the killer.

Reply from Stefano: I am outraged over the death of young William, who was the step-son of my beloved Elvis. My best men will be scouring Salem. Nobody, nobody escapes DiMera revenge!

Reply from Victor: Thanks, DiMera, but Kiriakis agents are already on this. Nothing is quicker or more lethal than Kiriakis revenge.

Reply from Xander: Remember me? Let me out and I'll find the killer -- even if he tries to hide in a crawl space in the Titan TV building!

Reply from Dr. Baker, Gus, and Vargas: If this creep makes it to state prison, several of our homicidally-inclined colleagues will make sure that his stay is remarkably brief.

Reply from Sami: Thanks guys, but after I get through with this wretch, there won't be enough of him left to bury. I HATE him!!!!
 
Reply from Gabi: This is all my fault! If I'd gotten home sooner...
Reply from Sonny: No...it's mine. I should have taken him with me to Paris.
Reply from Paul: No...it's mine. If I hadn't come to Salem, he wouldn't have cheated, and you two wouldn't have problems, and he would have gone to Paris with you.

Facebook post from Lucas Horton: Okay! Which one of you suicidal, brainless, idiots killed my son?!
Reply from Justin Kiriakis: CHAD!
Reply from Chad DiMera: CLYDE!
Reply from Rafe Hernandez: ....Clyde's in jail, remember?
 
Last edited:
Facebook post from University Hospital: Salem University Hospital announces its lecture series schedule for late 2015. Don't delay. Sign up today. Space is limited.

Deadbeat Dads Seminar. Are you a deadbeat dad? Salem is full of them. Are you trying to get back in the good graces of your abandoned wife and children? This seminar will inform you about which excuses and types of abject apologies work best. Don't delay. No matter how many families you have abandoned and regardless of how long you've been gone, this seminar is for you.

SORASed Children Workshop. Has your child suddenly been SORASed? The sudden aging of children (SORAS syndrome) is an all too common event in Salem. This can be highly stressful for the child who suddenly finds her/himself a teenager or young adult. It can be equally stressful for parents who are suddenly dealing with a whole new version of their beloved child. This workshop will provide you with all you need to know about SORASing and how to deal with it.

DiMera Derangement Syndrome (DDS) Support Group. Do you find yourself blaming the DiMeras for everything?? As all Salemites know, international businesman Stefano DiMera and his family have committed many unspeakable outrages in Salem over the decades and have never paid any legal or civil penalties for their crimes. However, no matter how powerful the DiMeras are, they are not responsible for all the misfortunes in life. Those who have lost their job, been stricken with a dreaded disease, or lost a loved one to an accident or criminal activity often automatically blame the DiMeras, although statistically they are unlikely to be the culprits. This session will help you as a DDS sufferer come to grips with your paranoia and allow you to take control of your life.
 
Last edited:
Just Samantha said:
Facebook post from Sonny: UGHHH!!! Now Will just admitted he had sex "just once" with someone while he was out in LA. I can't believe this. I'm so upset and disgusted with him right now. If it weren't for Arianna, I'd pack my bags and walk out.
Click to expand...

After learning of Will's death, 23 men from LA came forward and announced that they, too, had slept with the late Will Horton.

This makes national headlines and every single time someone shares it, Tiger Woods "likes" the shared post again.
 
Reply from Sonny Kiriakis: :eek::angry: ...That's it! I'm never getting married again!
Reply from Paul Narita: What?! But...I'd never do that to you!
Reply from Sonny Kiriakis: Never. Again.
Reply from Paul Narita: :cry:
 
Salem social media explodes when news of Andre's return becomes known.

From Roman: Dammit, governor! This is an outrage!

From John Black: Andre on the loose is very bad news for everyone in Salem. That's a fact.

From Nanny Megan: The governor pardoned this maniac? What an idiot! If he dares to show his face in Salem, I'll be the one throwing tomatoes and rotten eggs.

From Anne Milbauer: Some fool at the hospital declared Andre dead? More gross incompetence. University Hospital needs a good housecleaning and I'm the woman for the job.

From Sami: Andre DiMera? I HATE him! So did my darling, changed smoochy-moochy.

From Steve: After I find Bo and bring him home, my next mission will be to bring down Andre. You can count on me, Salem.

From Eduardo: I for one am glad that Andre is here. Finally, a person in Salem who's disliked more than I am.
 
Last edited:
DrBakerFan said:
Salem media explodes when Will's murder is announced.

Reply from Chad: I did't do. Honest. Ask Father.

Reply from Abigail: That's right. Just like my fiance, Ben, Chad wouldn't hurt a fly.

Reply from John: Will's death is a real tragedy. That's a fact. I'll get the ISA involved in the hunt for the killer.

Reply from Stefano: I am outraged over the death of young William, who was the step-son of my beloved Elvis. My best men will be scouring Salem. Nobody, nobody escapes DiMera revenge!

Reply from Victor: Thanks, DiMera, but Kiriakis agents are already on this. Nothing is quicker or more lethal than Kiriakis revenge.

Reply from Xander: Remember me? Let me out and I'll find the killer -- even if he tries to hide in a crawl space in the Titan TV building!

Reply from Dr. Baker, Gus, and Vargas: If this creep makes it to state prison, several of our homicidally-inclined colleagues will make sure that his stay is remarkably brief.

Reply from Sami: Thanks guys, but after I get through with this wretch, there won't be enough of him left to bury. I HATE him!!!!
Click to expand...
Reply from Ciara: Leave it to me. I'll bring down the killer.

Reply from Ben: :eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:
 
Facebook post from the Burgomeister of the City of Zurich (translated from German): Fellow citizens. We have reliable information that the infamous Salem, USA, screecher, Samantha Gene Brady, will soon be in our city. If you value your safety, sanity, and hearing, steer clear of this person. If you overhear anyone loudly shouting in English: "I HATE you" or using the terms "doodyhead" or "stoopid" or referring to a "smoochy-moochy," it's her. For your benefit, below is a photo of Ms. Brady with one of her usual expressions on her face.
2014-07-11_2115-e1405141152521.png


Reply from the citizens of Zurich: :eek::eek::eek::eek:. This is the worst thing to happen in Switzerland since the Austrians made William Tell shoot an arrow off his son's head.

Reply from Carrie: :angry:OMG, I'm locking my door and not picking up the phone.
 
Looking to increase readership of the Lifestyle page, Salem Spectator decides to start posting Facebook check-ins from notable Salemites.

Ben Weston checked in at Salem Tie City

Samantha Gene Brady Reed Reed Horton Dimera Hernandez Dimera checked in at Salem International Airport

Jennifer Horton checked in at Salem University Hospital

J. Theresa Donovan, Kate Roberts and Nicole Walker all checked in at the Basic Black corner of Horton Town Square

Aiden Jennings checked in at Liberty Mutual Salem Office

Andre Dimera checked in at the Brady Pub

Bo Brady checked in at Undisclosed Mexican Location

Ciara A. Brady checked in at Baron's Department Store

Don Craig checked in at the Salem Post Office
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top